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The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

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Original poster

Dog sleeping on your bed question

26 replies

Pringle89 · 15/04/2019 07:03

So, I think my pup would be happier (and sleep longer than 5am) if I let him on our bed.

Couples who let their dog sleep on your bed, what do you do with the dog when you want to do something other than sleep, if you get what I mean?!

Do you make them sit in the corner and look the other way? 🤣

Seriously though this is putting me off letting him on our bed!!

OP posts:

adaline · 15/04/2019 07:34

Mine sleeps on the bed but is equally happy to be left downstairs on his own!

MothershipG · 15/04/2019 07:43

😂😂😂
I remember when this first became an issue for us and I had the same concerns you do 😂😂

We have 2 little dogs who sleep with us and one takes himself off to a dog bed on the floor and the other refuses to move further than the foot of the bed.

Both are completely uninterested and just curl up and sleep. 😊

userxx · 15/04/2019 13:45

Its a strange experience but one you get used to.

Confusedbeetle · 15/04/2019 13:52

Another question to think about, it tells the dog it has a high place in the pack. It also may be totally unable to sleep anywhere else which may be inconvenient, holidays etc, . I dont think dog trainers approve. You might make a yoke for your own neck

Wolfiefan · 15/04/2019 13:54

@Confusedbeetle pack theory is rubbish.
Could be inconvenient on holiday etc OP. Dog bed next to yours?

QueenBeex · 15/04/2019 14:02

Me and my fiancee have our dog on our bed. Although abit different as he's 12 and very well trained. We've had him since he was 6months old and he's always slept with us, when we want to do "other stuff" I simply tell him "off" and he'll jump off the bed and lay on the rug at the bottom of our bed. He won't get back on unless I pat the bed and say "up you come". Its the same with the sofas etc. He comes up & gets off when he's told to do so. Never been a problem when we've stayed at dog friendly hotels on weekends away because as I said, he's trained and will get off the bed / furniture if I tell him to and won't attempt to get back on unless I give him permission.

Nesssie · 15/04/2019 14:47

My dog sleeps on my bed occasionally but I have no problems getting him to sleep on his bed when visiting family/holiday cottages etc.

MrsGrannyWeatherwax · 15/04/2019 14:49

Mine chooses which bed she wants to sleep on, sometimes mine but often hers. It’s quite nice to have a foot warmer in winter actually.

sewingismyhobby · 15/04/2019 15:12

I'll never let the dog sleep on the bed. I hate the very idea.
He adapted to sleeping downstairs (mostly on the sofa) and is perfectly happy there now. If you want your dog to sleep on your bed, no-one's going to stop you, but it isn't essential. They do get used to sleeping alone, just as children do.

Confusedbeetle · 15/04/2019 15:17

@ Wolfie fan
Are you saying that it is rubbish that dogs live in a social pack with strong rules? Or are you saying that we should not respect dogs natural way of living? There are some mightily knowledgable dog experts out there of which I am not one so I will always listen to the experts, researchers, animal behaviourists, and trainers. That way we may have less of the recent headlines. I don't expect you to agree with me, why would I? However, I would expect a polite agree to disagree, or at least some credible knowledge to back up your view. Your user name might suggest an interest in pack behaviour, it is fascinating, how we have learned to live in harmony, mainly by understanding and respecting a dogs need for its pack. It is a little unfortunate you take an internet forum approach to a sensible discussion. Sadly many dog owners prefer to anthropomorphise their dogs

Ariela · 15/04/2019 15:37

I hate the dog being on the bed DH loves the dog being on the bed, so the compromise is the dog isn't allowed other than when asked. So if I'm in bed it's a no!

BorderlineExperimental · 15/04/2019 15:43

Dominance theory, the idea that dogs or wolves live in packs with a strict hierarchy based on physical competition over resources, has been very thoroughly debunked.

This article is a good one on the issues with dominance theory and its relevance in dog training.

L. David Mech, one of the scientists who first popularised the term "alpha wolf", has since corrected much of his earlier work once it became clear that it was incorrect. This article by him is really worth reading and there's also a where he briefly discusses the corrections to his earlier work.

Wolfiefan · 15/04/2019 15:45

We don’t need to be a pack leader to our dogs. Dominance theory is rubbish. You need to listen to different experts I’m afraid.

BiteyShark · 15/04/2019 16:33

Arghh we have this conundrum all the time as my dog would sleep better if he was on the bed.

However, he is allowed on the bed in the spare room as we don't have any guests and honestly the hair I find on the blanket would put me off more than what you are concerned about. Also he is known to 'scoot' and waking up to that would be awful .

What breed is he because you might want to think about the dirt in the winter because that could mean more frequent washes?

werideatdawn · 15/04/2019 17:29

Packs and dominance are not relevant to domesticated dogs and even the person behind the pack theory isn't supporting anymore!
If you want the dog in your bed go for it. If you don't actually want the dog in your bed then there are ways to get him to settle elsewhere. Ours sleeps downstairs on the sofa but comes up about 7.30 to see us

missbattenburg · 15/04/2019 18:40

The domestic dog does not really form a pack, as we know it. A pack is a strong, close knit, stable social unit. Domestic dogs allowed to express social behaviour (e.g. feral) form loose, fluid and ever changing social groups, or remain solo. These groups can change from hour to hour, day to day, week to week and so the interactions between individuals changes also.

They do not appear to form strong , stable hierarchies with a single dog at the top all the time and all others somewhere lower down. Whilst a dog may appear subservient or appeasing to another dog one day, they may appear to 'dominate' or bully them the next. This is the fluid nature.

Moreover, dogs do not appear to view humans as a member of a 'pack' and learning theory (pavlov, skinner, thorndike) has no space for pack dynamics. As a result, using any kind of pack dynamic to train dogs would appear to be rather futile.

p.s. as others have said, wolves do pack but these packs do not appear to have the particular shape of hierarchy that was previously supposed. Wolf social behaviour is also very different to dog social behaviour in numerous ways, so you can't take an understanding of wolves and apply it directly to dogs.

LizaPold · 19/04/2019 11:31

This is of course cute, but the dog must have its own bed. After all, when you want to be alone with the half, you will have to chase the dog, he will think that something is to blame. So it is better to teach him to his own cot or house and sometimes allow him to sleep in a bed, for example, when he is afraid of thunderstorms)

aliasname · 19/04/2019 11:39

A dog will mostly ignore you while you have sex.

A cat would probably watch with a judgemental superior look.

LizaPold · 19/04/2019 12:54

not always, and secondly, it is sometimes difficult to have sex when a quarter of the bed is tightened by a dog, unless of course you have a dachshund or a chihuahua

PutOnYourDamnSocks · 19/04/2019 20:21

I always wondered this - but never dared ask.

SockDog will however continue to sleep downstairs, just in case.

Nettleskeins · 19/04/2019 20:46

Have you tried a woollen blanket in a darkened crate for him to sleep on? My puppy (5 and a bit months now) always seems to sleep incredibly late, 8am lengthening to 9am somedays. That is with a pee break at 11pm or slightly earlier. Last night, he went out at 9.30pm (for pee) and still slept till 8am. I'm convinced wool is a nice warm yet self regulating surface that keeps pup sleeping.

He has gone down now at 7pm in his crate downstairs (Quiet room). I expect a small surfacing for an hour and a half at 9.00pm (will watch telly with me on the sofa)and then he will sleep till morning 9am. And he is not on our bed, and never has been.

Nettleskeins · 19/04/2019 20:49

The other thing is, if he wakes at 5am, I would let him out and then put him back to bed (crate, darkened and cosy)again for 2 hours. I wouldn't be letting him think that is a good time to be having fun. But maybe I am a bit a of late riser... I had the same approach to babies - I don't think I ever thought 5am was a good time to start the day.

Original poster

Pringle89 · 19/04/2019 21:06

Thanks for all the replies, I would prefer him to sleep downstairs, @Nettleskeins maybe I will try a woollen blanket, doesn’t seem to matter what time his last wee is still gets up the same time! I’ve tried putting him back in his crate after a wee but he creates a right fuss and wakes the kids, so generally we both go back to sleep ok the sofa for an hour and a half...5am is still nighttime as far as I’m concerned!

OP posts:

Absolutepowercorrupts · 19/04/2019 21:21

You're all both right and wrong about the pack mentality, I have three boxers, I know who the leader is and it's not me or my husband, It's the female and she is smallest dog in our group,and she's in charge, all of the time, she's the boss and it's nothing to do with us but when they stay in the kennels while we're away , they're always taken out on their own.Because they revert to pack behaviour and intimidate lesser dogs.
Ours are a pack and they very kindly include us in that pack and we love them for their acceptance .
In answer to your question, dogs probably view sex as a basic need so I doubt they'd be judgemental. That supposes that dogs actually think about having sex 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Nettleskeins · 19/04/2019 21:30

when my puppy was 12 - 13 weeks I used to sleep downstairs right next to him (so he could see me), and put my hand through the bars when he whined and wouldn't go back to sleep. Might that be a solution, instead of sleeping on the sofa with him? I think that was how I trained him to resettle himself. Then I moved the mattress out of sight but still put my hand through the bars to reassure. Then I moved into the room next door. Then I moved upstairs again.
I met a lady with a Chihuahua puppy of same age as mine and she said he settled brilliantly on her bed, and used puppy pads if he needed to in the night (upstairs flat) So the truth is, if it works, let him sleep on your bed... I would, but dh doesn't like cats or dogs on our bed..the cats would be there already if I could manage it!

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