What’s the most ridiculous thing you have ever said to your dog?

[TheHorseOnSeventhAvenue]

I have just told my youngish puppy ‘Barking is a place in Essex; not something we do in this house’.

I have a memory of my very straight-laced mother, who never babied any of us children, telling our horrendous but lovable rescue, she had to go out ‘to earn pennies for Bounce’.

Scrap my previous answer. The most ridiculous thing I have ever said to battendog is "you're a good dog".

He isn't. He is a door-opening, slipper-stealing, mud-spreading, fur-shedding, hole-digging little bugger.

Get that bra out of your mouth!

Get your tail out of my crotch!

He follows you to the toilet pushes his head between your knees and then presents his butt for a fuss while wagging his tail.

I haven't giggled so much in ages, this is the best thread!!!

To my ddog this morning it was "no you're not coming in the bathroom I don't watch you pee, you can't watch me"

"Thank you so much teddy, I really wanted that"
He has either just shoved his snout in my mouth or sneezed in my face. This happens almost daily 😳

Can you pass me that mug please?

Get your nose out of my bum!

I really don't want a peticure right now (as the husky tries to lick/nibble my toes)

Daddy will be home soon and he'll want to know if you've been good.

“Thank you for those kisses”. I’m not thankful in fact my elbow is now wet and cold

“No he doesn’t want to play with you”...pulling on lead...random stranger then proves me wrong by wanting to play!!

I told my brothers dog that it couldn't fit in the glove box.

Stop rubbing you bottom on the carpet it's not attractive

No humpies! Put your lipstick AWAY! Get your nose out of my bottom (while I am getting dressed). You are the bestest doggie in the world. Mummy loves you so much. I could go on....

You are NOT a cow

"ARGHHH NO STOP, you're weeing on your brother"

(Two dogs)

“Pass the remote”

today's one: Don't eat the tassels off the blanket, im not pulling string out your bum later!

I am so glad I asked this question. It has

A. Made me realise I am not mad
B. Made me resalise my puppy is not that bad

Laughed out loud and now cherish how much time we skip around the house singing ‘puppy breakfast / dinner / playtime ditties’ rather than just chastising and threatening to rehome (murder) my little darling!

I did think about name changing before posting but will just be instead.

I actually caught myself saying are you ok my 'poochie woochie' on our walk today. And that probably wasn't the most embarrassing thing either. Thank god I walk in fairly remote areas

Every time we go out for a walk:

"Have you got your fur and paws on? Well, have you?"

Will you please stop fucking in the garden!

These are brilliant..
"Not everyone wants to play with you"
After the dog I walk wants to play with every single dog lol he has no boundries

Stop burying a chip in my knickers!

"What kind of music do you like? The kitties and I mostly enjoy 90's EDM."*

*DPup seems to favour Johnny Cash so far.

Starwednesday - "You made us both look like fools" grin]

Teddy is Not your Boyfriend! To rather humpy female chihuahua. And We don’t chase cats in this house, cats are our friends. (Clearly the dogs disagree)!

whos the most handsome boy in the world
who is the most gorgeous girl/jack russell/princess in the world
stop squeaking my chi cross makes the most unusual noises

'Do you want Radio 2 or 4 on? It's the news in a minute.'

Most well informed spaniel ever!

I like you more than anyone else in this family.

I was talking out loud to o my 3 dogs one day and then commented out loud that I was talking to them.
Yup,I felt like a goofball...🤣