What do I do to stop by 13yo from being bitten

[disneyspendingmoney]

She grabs the dog roughly and it gets pissed off and growls.

I've asked her nicely not to do it.
I've offered her a bribe not to do jt
I've given her a telling off and not to do it.
I've lost my shit and ranted not to do it

It doesn't get through

Something bad is going to happen soon and the dog will pay the price. I've told her that if the dog bites her the dog gets pts, it's not getting through. I'm at my wit's end

I'm seriously pissed off with my DD for not listening

Does she actually like the dog?

I’m curious as to why she is still doing it? Does she find it funny?

Can you maybe rehome the dog ?

She’s 13? NT? That sounds really poor. You need to protect the dog from her regardless of the reasons for her behaviour. What have you said other than the dog being PTS? I say that as in a young persons head that may seem so extreme as to be an idle threat. She needs to have consequences whenever she treats the dog roughly. What do you do when she behaves that way?

Oh god my 14yo does this. We have a chi who is wonderful but DD insists on trying to pick her up when she’s asleep for eg. She’s been nipped more than once. I tell her until I’m blue in the face but she still does it.

No advice but a fist bump of solidarity for dickhead children.

Sorry, I know you have listed things in your OP but they read like a weary one off list. She needs proper consequences - grounded, loss of internet access etc. How would you respond if she kicked the dog? What would you do? She is winding it up so not that far away

I don’t get why ‘the dog will pay the price’ , you know the dog is being mistreated so if she gets bitten it’s tough , I’d just be congratulating the dog .

I've explained about giving it to my X

I've explained rehoming,
I've explained pts.

She says she mauls it because she loves it.
And yes she finds it fucking funny.

She never does it if I'm in the same room.

I hear the growl and in there like a shot, to stop it.

I cannot get it through to her how to pet the dog properly, she treats it like a bloody toy, not a living creature, but not when we are in the same room.

Explaining isn’t working. She needs consequences which she doesn’t want to live with. Either do actually send the dog to live with your ex or go for another option - phone? Turn off the WiFi/change the password?

I've been through all the consequences and she has list laptop and phone over increasing periods of time, next time it occured it will be 24 hrs and 48 hrs - still doesn't get through.

Depending on the severity if bite she gets it will be the fig that gets into trouble. There is an added complication because of my X, the children are on a cpp and get seen by a SW every 10 days, so a bite of any sort will be recorded.

So tricky! Part of me wants to say let the dog give her a nip and then she might bloody stop but obviously that’s not very responsible 😬

Is there a chance that with what’s going on with your Ex that she’s taking frustrations out on the dog?

The poor dog! Why are you allowing this to happen? Next time it happens she will have her phone taken away for 24 hours? How long does she get it taken away now? I wpuld be worried about a teenager who couldn't stop hurting an animal.

ok she not actually hurting the dog, she comming at it from the front and above and cuddling it when it doesn't want it and keeping hold if it when it doesn't want it I said nothing about hurting it, I meant maul as in the type you find in rugby having just checked the definition. We have gone though 2, 4, 6 & 12 hours, so four lots if punishment, trying to get it through

It's a very fair point that she could be taking her issues with the X out in the dog as it was contact day today, she's equally shitty to her younger sister.

After another explaining and the threat that the dog will go to my X (a lot of please don't do that) and a very pedantic showing how to let a dog, she seems to be getting it, I think.

Op I know you know this but I'm going to say it anyway...your daughter is old enough to know what she is doing .
Get the dog a covered crate & keep your Dd away when the dog is in it.
That's dogs safe space .
Take the dog in which ever room are In until your Dd can follow the rules .

It's not fair on the dog to be punished for something that isn't its fault or being managed correctly.

Can you try to build a positive relationship between the dog and your daughter rather than directly stop the negative? Could they attend some training classes together? Maybe if she learnt some cool tricks to do with the dog she would be more inclined to spend time with the dog that way instead?

The dog trainer near me runs young handler competition days and all sorts of fun stuff. Might be worth a look?

Could you try a more ‘mental’ approach to it seeing as punishment isn’t always working?
Might be worth reminding her that no matter what is going on and how she feels that she shouldn’t take it out on either the dog or her younger sister and that you’d rather her come and talk to you if anything is bothering her instead of her winding the dog/sister up?
It kind of sounds like some stuff is bothering her and she is antagonising the more defenceless people in her life (dog and younger sister).

I also agree with what WatcherOfTheNight said. You may be best to make sure the dog is with you when you leave the room so Daughter doesn’t get the opportunity to do this anymore. I know it’s a pain but she can’t tease what’s not there.

@HeartvsHead

That’s a pretty clever idea!

I've told her that if the dog bites her the dog gets pts Why? This might not be a popular opinion but I wouldn’t have said that, I’d have told her that if the dog bites her it’s her own fault.

It might be unpopular but I wouldn't be doing anything to the dog if she gets bitten! She's not treating the dog nicely - so she needs to expect consequences if she continues treating him that way.

But I wouldn't be leaving the dog with her anymore. Either she comes with you or the dog does (whichever is more practical) - she can't be trusted and at the end of the day you're the adult - don't keep putting your dog through that.

Do you think if the dog bite her it would be a serious mauling or a bite? If the later, at this stage I'd keep the dog with you as much a possible but otherwise just let her get bitten.

And no, the dog would not be PTS for that.

Show her some pics of dog bite injuries.
She won't want to be scarred will she?

Alternatively if ciukd just be that the fig plain old fashioned hates her, it doesn't cruel like this when my 10yo cuddles it or if I pick it up in exactly the same way.

The whole pts thing was trying to get across the seriousness of irritating the dog to my 13yo, I seriously doubt the dog knows what pts means. Also there is the issue that the DC's are on the at risk register because of my X's behaviour and if the DC's SW was to see bite marks on them, then I dread to think what would be said about my parenting.

Can you talk to the SW about strategies to get across to the DD the seriousness of purposfully aggravating the dog? Do they help with that kind of thing?

sillysmiles No, the SW has zero interest in that kind of stuff, when she comes around to do a home check, I have to put the dogs in my bedroom.

I have no experience with your situation but I guess that having a SW involved makes parenting harder. Do you think she tries to push the boundaries in other ways - or is it just with the dog that she's actively going against what you are telling her to do?

Also - I should mention that my dog "growls" when he is playing. The very first time I heard him do it it was to a friend who was sitting on his bed playing with him and I thought he was actually growling at her. But no, this is his happiest noise!
Is there any chance that it's a "happy" growl? Is she not afraid for getting bitten?