I Don’t Love My Dog :(

[Together24]

We’ve had her 10 weeks (since she was 8 weeks old) and I still feel very little for her. I’m stressed out and really hating dog ownership.
It’s not her fault, it’s mine for not anticipating the reality of having a dog. Friends see me in tears and ask what I was thinking and the truth is I really don’t know. We researched for months and do have the time, space and finances to care for her - but not the love it seems.
She’s a really lovely pup. DH is neutral. He felt we had made a mistake at first too but now after the initial shock, he says we will keep her if I can cope or rehome her if it keeps meaning I’m so upset (constantly tearful, not sleeping, depressed).
I don’t know how long it will take, if ever, for me to actually want the dog in our lives and the longer I’m like this the less fair it is on pup and of course the kids.
The kids like the idea of a puppy (of course) but it falls to me and DH to do all the hard work. It seems like Puppy blues but still after 2 and a half months?!
I couldn’t have known how I would feel but it doesn’t stop me feeling absolutely awful.
She’s very well cared for, goes to classes, is housebroken and I spend time every day training and exercising her. I don’t mind any of it, it’s just that I don’t enjoy it. Every morning I wake up and my heart sinks with dread.
Has anyone got through this feeling and out the other side?
Or should I seriously think about rehoming (through a proper breed-specific charity etc to get the best home for her, I wouldn’t even consider anything less)?

Oh we had the can't leave her puppy too. It's exhausting and draining and stressful. We worked on it. She's sooooo much better now. But it was hard. Really hard.
Have you seen the FB group dog training advice and support. Great stuff on there about separation anxiety. It can be fixed.
I've gone from a Velcro dog I can't leave AT ALL to going out for lunch the other day with family and knowing she's fine. She's so much easier and calmer. I did not enjoy the puppy stage.

Stupid idea. A dog walker or a day a week of doggy daycare may give you some respite and time to reflect and evaluate what you want.
Wolfie pup would bloody love a lab friend. I can't see me ever doing the puppy stage again!

Fellow Lab mommy here! We bought our girl home at 9 weeks old, the first fortnight we were in complete shock. DH didn't want to Leave her alone as he was worried what we may come back to! She is an absolutely beautiful dog and can honestly say I love my life with her and can't imagine not having her here....now. It wasn't always like that. We had a year or so of waking up ridiculously early to her crying, not for the toilet but for attention. I mean like 4am wake up calls. As she got a little older it would be barking for attention at that hour. We tried everything and eventually she seemed to outgrow it but in those months I got so close to contacting the breeder to ask them to have her back. DH was more resiliant than me. There are times when I wish I could have a little break from her, in 2 years we havnt left her for more than one night and she has been on all our holidays with us!

All I can suggest is stick with it a little longer, your feelings towards her might change.

Mine has chronic separation anxiety, but there are lots of techniques you can try. I leave a radio on for background noise, leave him my nightshirt or t shirt in his bed so he's got my scent, and some toys out. It also helped going out of the front door, then round to the back door repeatedly so it makes leaving a lot less of a big deal? A behaviourist may help.

@JaneEyre70
Those things don't work for a dog with true separation anxiety. The only thing that works for a dog that truly panics every time it's left is never to leave it for longer than it is happy with. That may mean starting by lifting your keys or just walking towards the door.
Leaving a dog with separation anxiety just teaches them they are right to be terrified of being left.

Mine used to get so distressed at being left, he'd chew his tail and I'd come home to a house covered in blood splatters - cupboards, walls, furniture. I had lengthy chats with the vet about actually removing his tail, it got so bad with repeated infection in it but with a lot of hard work we've managed to get that we can leave him for around 2-3 hours on odd occasions. He still has his tail too, thank goodness. Luckily I'm at home so it's not an issue but it's incredibly restrictive. I was only advising the OP of what has worked for us, I appreciate every dog is different.

I was the same as you.

Ddog is now 5. I do love him but I still find it stressfull to have a dog. The responsability, the way I am so needed. I think it is great for the children and for us as a family and I enjoy some walks but I find it too much at time abd very much welcome a break. I don't not go abroad because of that and I now have anormal life as ddog is good to be left. But the first year and a half...

In simpler words: it is a sacrifice I happy to do for the sake of the children but I am not sure I'd do it again. Unless the dog was my only responsibility, say in later life.

We also have another dog in permanent foster. (Ling story) Don't love the dog and never will. Other membersof the family love him so it is ok. I'd rehoming tomorrow if I could.

It'll prob get better but it will be tough for a while.

I suggest taking some time off: day care, dog walkers, borrowmydog etc. To ease the sense if responsibility.

I have a Lab too, a fab one but they are very needy and often look sad. I found that triggering... as if I had to make him happy all the time.

I prefer cats: they can have fun without me.

If you rehome it will be ok too. A friend got a rescue before chemio. She found she couldn't cope at all exactly like you. The dog went to the perfect home. There were tears for a few days but it was defthe best dec for them and they never regretted it.

I never wanted a dog finally got talked into it. The first six months I used to dread going home to him. Then I bonded after that he is a lovely dog. Thing is I am not a dog lover I will be sad when he dies but no way would I want another one they are such a tie.

I think you might be setting yourself too high expectations on how you should feel towards your dog. I feel differently towards pets that I owned before kids than I do to the pets I owned after having kids. The ones before were my absolute babies that I would have done anything for but the ones after are more, well, dogs. After my first child the thing I felt worst about was that I didn't feel this all encompassing wave of love as soon as l looked at my him that I was told about. Really stressed me out until after a few conversations I realised that it was quite normal. Go with what's right for you, not what you imagine is right based on other people . A dog at this age is a massive commitment and as you said, lifestyle change. It's like going back to having vey young kids, harder in some respects, but without the maternal instinct that helps you cope! I also think this may not all be about the dog. It's not made you as happy as you thought and that is stressing you out and making you feel worse but that's on the back of what sounds like some pretty difficult stuff to deal with and it's coming out as not liking your dog.

You need to do what's right and if that's rehoming then that's what you should do but I suspect that won't actually be the answer. She's still very young (and no, not everyone is over the puppy blues by this point, I still look at my 5 month old pup and swear under my breath at her most days 😂). I'd keep persevering,get past the crap winter months and see how you feel once she's a bit older. Just don't beat yourself up for not loving her.

Oops4 is right. Do not beat yourself about about not loving her. I think that was the key for me.

OP it is completely normal

There is a thread on here that often comes up. It’s about 2 years old I think. The poster got a retriever and felt EXACTLY like you do. She was going to rehome, wasn’t enjoying the responsibility or the dog etc. 2 years later she sometimes posts updates and she adores her dog and finds it hard to believe she ever considered rehoming

It does get easier I promise. Yes the puppy stage, and sometimes the teenage stage, is difficult. But the rest is bloody worth it.

@iamlucybarton thank you. The thought of her being happily rehomed feels like what I honestly want deep down.

A friend advised me to spend time focusing on imagining her grown up, settled, past the Puppy and adolescent stages etc and I still felt really unhappy at the thought.

OP this takes me back to the first few months of having our dog, I was recovering from breast cancer and very anxious and prone to tears. It was all terrible timing looking back now, but DH thought having a puppy to focus on would help me - oh dear!! I was quite resentful and angry for a while.
Anyway she’s 18 months old now and I love her to bits. Yes it still feels like a big responsibility (because it is), and I do miss the spontaneity of life before we had her. But she’s definitely a part of our family now.

Give yourself time, you will bond.

I empathise. The feeling of being "on edge" is my daily reality. Where's the dog? What's she doing? Etc. Keeping her entertained, cleaning up after her, keeping the DC behaved around her (because I have to train the children just as much as the dog). It's more work than I realised and I researched as well. The daily reality needs to be lived to be understood, I think.

Hiring a dog walker is a good idea, and something I plan to do after reading this thread.

Our dog is 9 months old and fully grown but still very much a puppy. She is devoted to me, follows me everywhere, but I still sometimes feel overwhelmed and fed up.

I understand. We had a lab ( not nearly as cooperative as yours - She was expelled from puppy classes !!) I used to work late to avoid coming home to her, oh was there - she wasn't on her own. I hated the puppy stage. She was never a calm or placid dog but we learnt to live with each other and we learnt to love her with time. We lost her aged 13. I was very very sad but felt free for the first time. I won't be getting another dog at least until the children are grown up.

I felt the same - and a lady down the road who has 2 labs felt the same with her first.

I remember saying to my dog walker - when she was saying "if the worst happens" - "don't worry it wouldn't be the worst thing".

The first 6 months were the worst.

I used to love when he was at the groomers/ being neutered (as I got a break). I also use a dog walker twice a week and this makes a huge difference.

I love him to bits now and d dog2 has been a dream in comparison.

You poor thing OP. I too have a difficult dog that doesn’t like being left. I’ve spent months working on his anxiety and thought he was getting better. Then my neighbour contacted me the other day while I was out to tell me he was crying and she was worried he was hurt. The worst part is part of me hoped he was hurt or in trouble somehow rather than just sad and lonely

I still haven’t made a final decision what to do about my dog. Before getting him I was firmly in the ‘a pet is for life’ brigade but since getting my pup I can see that life is more complicated than that. You sound like a great owner that really cares but sometimes pet and owner aren’t a good fit and it’s okay to admit that

Together24
It seems that in your heart you know that you would rather re-home her.
I understand that you will be heavy-hearted about this but you are doing the best for yourself and her, it's obviously not the right time for you with the Chemo and health worries.
I know that you will do the best for her to make sure she has a Happy life.
Someone is going to get a very good dog thanks to the work you have put in with her.

DH has said he will take on all dog duties for the next two weeks and if that doesn’t help me feel better about it, or if he’s not enjoying it/able to do it all, by then we will look to rehome her in the best possible situation for her. I feel relieved but also part of me felt surprised that DH is willing to do that (5:30am?!) and I don’t want him to feel overloaded just because I’m not coping... but that’s what we’ve decided for now. It is going to be hard for me NOT to jump up and try and help but I’m going to try very hard to relax and let DH deal with things his way.

I’ll keep you all posted!

Thank you everyone for all the great advice, I’ve read every message several times and it has really helped me get clarity.

Well that sounds really sensible. See how it goes, and if it's not going to work rehoming will be the best option. No need for feeling guilty, just concentrate on your own health x

I felt that way for a long time, it was like I felt after having children. I suffered from anxiety, and it was me who wanted the dog in the first place. Of course you must rehome the dog if you really feel so awful but I can honestly say by the time she died last month she was absolutely one of the best things in my life. She actually saved my sanity by getting me out and walking in the fresh air when I thought I couldn’t step outside the door. We now have another dog and I am much more relaxed as I am prepared for the psychological crap that it brings. Good luck, and much love

Good plan together. Please try not to feel bad about your dh. He has offered, he is an adult and if it is too much for him he can say it and change the plan, even bwfore the two weeks. And then you'll see what works for you at that point.

Be kind to yourself.

Hi came across this thread. Appreciate it old thread but feeling very similar to how you explain. Feel very isolated and judged for the way I'm feeling but wake every day with constant anxiety and guilt over way I feel. Feel like my life been turned upside down and with kids, feel guilty trying to juggle everything and either pup or kids missing out. I walk, feed and care but it feels like going through motions. Don't feel love. Would be interested to see how your getting on. I'm hoping it just clicks one day 😭

Don't get up at 5.30am!! I never did this!!

I cried over my dog a couple of times over the first year! He's a lab. He's so lovely now. If he's a lab he will get to the point where he just sits by you.