I Don’t Love My Dog :(

[Together24]

We’ve had her 10 weeks (since she was 8 weeks old) and I still feel very little for her. I’m stressed out and really hating dog ownership.
It’s not her fault, it’s mine for not anticipating the reality of having a dog. Friends see me in tears and ask what I was thinking and the truth is I really don’t know. We researched for months and do have the time, space and finances to care for her - but not the love it seems.
She’s a really lovely pup. DH is neutral. He felt we had made a mistake at first too but now after the initial shock, he says we will keep her if I can cope or rehome her if it keeps meaning I’m so upset (constantly tearful, not sleeping, depressed).
I don’t know how long it will take, if ever, for me to actually want the dog in our lives and the longer I’m like this the less fair it is on pup and of course the kids.
The kids like the idea of a puppy (of course) but it falls to me and DH to do all the hard work. It seems like Puppy blues but still after 2 and a half months?!
I couldn’t have known how I would feel but it doesn’t stop me feeling absolutely awful.
She’s very well cared for, goes to classes, is housebroken and I spend time every day training and exercising her. I don’t mind any of it, it’s just that I don’t enjoy it. Every morning I wake up and my heart sinks with dread.
Has anyone got through this feeling and out the other side?
Or should I seriously think about rehoming (through a proper breed-specific charity etc to get the best home for her, I wouldn’t even consider anything less)?

[Deadlylampshade]

I would rehome the dog while it was still young enough to be rehomed easily.

[LaurieFairyCake]

You're on chemo

Maybe you're permanently on edge because of that (that would make perfect sense) and you're focusing on the dog to put your anxiety on?

[Coloursthatweremyjoy]

You could teach her some tricks...we taught mine to play dead when you make a gun shot sound at him (like pretending to be a cowboy) and to high five. I still enjoy showing these off. He also howls along with a harmonica...we don't play but some buskers do, he steals the show. When they start to develop a personality it can endear them to you more.

[BiteyShark]

Oh I missed that bit about the chemo. OP honestly you are doing great but I think outside help such as a dog walker or day care a few days a week would just give you some downtime to concentrate on yourself.

[Together24]

It is starting to feel like my mental health isn’t strong enough for this change in lifestyle. How pathetic eh :( I’ve always been a super-responsible person so this isn’t a situation I ever thought I’d find myself in

[JaneEyre70]

I think you are focusing too much on behaviour/training rather than enjoying your puppy? Do you do things that are fun rather than necessary for both of you? I must admit that I have always adored my dogs from the day I met them, that love was strong and instant. If you haven't bonded in 10 weeks, I wonder if you are honestly going to. I loved watching mine grow, and explore his world around him....everything is an adventure to a puppy and it's hard not to engage with that wonder. Do you know your colleague well enough to have an honest talk about how you're not coping and explore if their offer was a serious one?

[Nifflerbowtruckle]

Chemo seriously messes with your emotions. When DH was on chemo he would just burst in to tears and at least half the time he didn't know why. It sounds as if despite doing well training the dog your life is in turmoil at the moment (even if you have a good routine) and maybe bonding with a puppy is just too much at the minute.

[kangaroojoey]

Mine was a gorgeous lovely pup, but I had forgotten just how much work you have to put into a puppy and so many times I came close to rehoming. Luckily I didn't, and she's now a really lovely dog.
The pup and teenage phase is so difficult though. I wouldn't do it again!

[DevilTree]

If you're on weekly chemo, why on earth are you getting up at 5.30am every day to let the dog out (frankly, I was wondering that even without the fact that you're having chemo!)? Your DH should be doing that!!

[Together24]

I put my mind to trick training her after the first couple of weeks and she’s a really clever little thing. Can sit/stay indefinitely for her food, wait for a command to take treats off her paw, fetch toys and put them in a bucket etc. It passes the time with her but I feel like I’m just going through the motions.

I wish I could just wake up tomorrow and actually enjoy it :(

[CatastropheKate]

I didn't really like my dog until it was about 18 months old. Puppies look cute, and you can teach them to do things and they're fun and all that, but they are also hard work and incredibly stupid. Previous dog was rescue (12 months old, discarded as it 'grew too big' ) and was very intelligent. Childhood dog chose us when it had been dumped on the road at probably about 2 years old, so this was the first puppy.

Now he's fab - understands hundreds of words, phrases and requests, including some 'sign language'. People are amazed at how well he behaves, and at his level of understanding, and he is a loving, loyal pet. It does take a long time though to reach that level of understanding though, and I did seriously worry in the first few months that we had made a mistake.

Have you had a dog before? Are you comparing it to your previous dog? It's all new, and it's hard work. It's a tiny toddler needing supervision and guidance, but things do get better.

[Together24]

To be fair I’m a morning person anyway and DH does most of the walking and puts pup to bed etc. I don’t feel I’m doing more than I can. The chemo is part of an ongoing treatment, it’s sounds bad but it’s a very low dose. I’m certainly more easily tired than your average person but it’s pretty well managed.
I only mentioned it as having a chronic illness is obviously a pain in the rear but I don’t want it to stop me having a life. Just this particular decision to get a dog seems to have proven too much for me.

[Wolfiefan]

You're not pathetic. I could've written this a few months ago. I was so anxious that I couldn't eat for weeks. Couldn't squeeze down more than a cracker. Felt panicky. Couldn't relax. Constantly on edge.
My pup is over a year now. I adore her and can't imagine life without her.
It was bloody hard though.
If you don't want to rehome maybe some training would help build a bond.
No flaming from me. It's hard.

[LaurieFairyCake]

You don't have to love her right now. You got her at the wrong time when you should have been focusing on solely you and what you need.

What you have to do is what you've done - train her, nurture her, look after her, feed her and walk her.

The 'love' will come later once you've come to terms with your own health and recovered. If you 'normally' love animals and you've loved before then you are going to have to trust in yourself that the you that you were before is still in there.

After a serious illness we may be changed but we don't stop loving.

Try and trust. You are too responsible to rehome.

[Breakfastat]

This sounds like anxiety to me, and the puppy is the “hook” that anxiety is hanging it’s hat. It’s a big change, and you have to allow yourself to grieve for the life before the pup, which might allow you to enjoy her more. Also, don’t judge or berate yourself for feeling this way, it happens to lots of people (whether they tell you or not) and it will pass. When we first got our dog I hated it, she was a terror, but now we are four years down the line and I love her dearly. It wasn’t love at first sight but she grew into our hearts and Home.

[WanderingTrolley1]

You have enough on your plate. I think you should return the dog to breeder.

[Together24]

Thanks. Yes DH and I had dogs as kids but - evidently - it’s far from being the adult in charge. We’ve not had dogs ourselves as a family. Our eldest bugged us to get a dog for literally years and is now quite indifferent.

Someone asked whose idea it was - it was the kids as owning a dog wasn’t something DH or I ever really considered but over time I started to think it was a good idea and DH then eventually agreed. We tried for months to get a rescue dog (ironically) but then heard about a litter being born looking for homes. It is definitely easier skipping the Puppy stage with the housetraining and biting etc but I’m struggling to even see us enjoy her as a grown dog. That’s what made me think seriously about rehoming whilst she’s still young.

Would I regret rehoming? Possibly I would if I looked back when I’m not as tired and upset and thought we would love having an adult dog and wish we had held on. That’s why I am keen to hear from people that have gone through this too. I don’t want to make yet another bad decision.

[Together24]

I think I would be really upset to rehome her, yes, but I think relief and knowing she’s in a home that love her - over time - would be my over riding feeling.. but I don’t know because I thought things would be very different.

That’s why I’m not rushing any decision because if we do rehome there’s no going back and we would most definitely never get another dog.

[Together24]

Thank you. She’s a Labrador. Her behaviour is fine for her age. I think it’s a combination of her dependence on us, the drastic change to lifestyle (though I appreciate we signed up for that), the tiredness, the smell, the weather, she doesn’t like being alone so someone has to be with her all the time and she does bark a lot if left home alone (say our neighbours!!) etc... it’s bits of everything... which is why I think it’s just me basically.

[ItsNYlyme]

Awww! Bless her! She sounds such a good little girl. She must be very willing to please if she's learnt all the sit stay etc to such a degree. You should be proud of her and yourself, you've done a really good job.
Look in her gorgeous eyes! She loves you!
I think you know this and I would hold on a little longer.
The situation with the Chemo and being tired isn't helping, so the advice on here to get some breaks from her, doggy day care or someone to walk her for you some days might be all you need.
If in a few weeks you still feel the same then I would let her be re-homed. Don't treat it as a failure even if you do, you've done a really good job with her.
Might just be wrong time for you!

[BlackBetha]

A puppy is a lot to deal with when you're ill and understandably stressed/anxious. You know your own mind and what you can and can't cope with right now. If you feel that rehoming is the only option I don't think anyone here is going to judge.

On the practical side, the breeder might be able to take her back - this is a good thing to try first as rescues are often overstretched, and would likely suggest you approach the breeder first anyway. You could maybe approach a breed rescue and see if there's a way your friend can foster/adopt the pup but with rescue backup (this would mean that if it didn't work out or he was ever unable to keep her, the rescue would take her back).

Finally, the feelings of love aren't something you can just turn on, but they can come with time. My current boy dog came to us shortly after losing the one who was truly the love of my life, and for the first few months I struggled to feel anything at all for him, still grieving for my lost boy. They find a way into your heart, though.

[countdowntothenewyear]

I remember when I got my first dog. I had two children at school and an ordered life. Our dog was lovely, well behaved and a nice person. I spent weeks in panic mode, it was like having a new baby at home. I didn't know how to live with this creature, felt I had to entertain him. I was on edge when he slept because I felt that I would have to do something when he woke up! But gradually I relaxed into ownership. The summer will come and your dog will potter around the garden and snooze in the sun. The puppy stage if horrible, but there will be a lovely dog at the end of it.

[BlackBetha]

Just saw your last post about her not being able to be left. That can be REALLY draining. You can feel trapped in your own house, tied to the dog all the time, and it's easy to resent them. It's not just you.

Separation anxiety can improve with working on it, though - building up the time little by little, patience and persistence. We had one where we had to start by stepping out the door for literally 5 seconds and coming straight back in. Eventually he was fine to be left for a few hours. Your girl is still just a baby, too, it should improve as she matures.

[ItsNYlyme]

Ahhh! You didn't mention the little things that were irritating to you.
For one thing, dogs are pretty messy and quite smelly and this is never going to change. Doggy people accept that their house will never be a show home but to "dog lovers" this is a small price to pay.
If you are very house proud, it's unlikely to work.
The barking when you are out of the house is separation anxiety and can be cured, find advice online or get a behaviorist. I
If you're keeping her you need to nip this in the bud pretty quickly. No-one wants a dog that they can't leave alone.
That could be causing you stress as you say the neighbours are commenting.
Tackle this problem!

[Coloursthatweremyjoy]

If it helps, the puppy stage is very full on, like a baby but without nappies really. I do feel as though I 'got through' that bit. I thought if it as creating the adult dog I wanted (training, socialization, nurture). I find having an adult dog a million times less intense. I've got a lab and he generally mooches about, lies down out of the way...the iconic calm lab...but he's up in a flash if you're ready to get going.

I should warn you though that he was hard work in his 'teenage' stage. I've since heard that this is not unusual for labs (other breeds as well I expect). Training went to pot a bit but we stuck with it. It's something to consider in making your decision.

Plus, has anyone warned you that they are a dustbin on four legs? I found that out after getting him flaming nuisance. Do love him though.