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The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

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Original poster

made a huge mistake feel so terribly guilty

98 replies

peaksandvalleys · 31/07/2017 12:52

I just keep crying today as i feel so horrible about the situation . I have always wanted a dog , i have done quite a lot of dog sitting for my sister in laws lovely terrier before so thought i knew what a dog entailed .
My son has aspergers syndrome , he is 18 now and although hes mildly affected he does sometimes react a bit off to things . He has mithered me for years to get a dog but due to dh having asthma and the cost i have never got one .
Recently i have been feeling quite anxious and below par and i think this is what has led me to taking the bull by the horns and surprising ds2 with a 2 year old dog . I was sort of thinking that i am always so over cautious about everything that i never do anything ,but this time i will .
But i have made a terrible mistake .
I visited the dog first, i went away for two weeks , i thought about it , gave it massive over the top consideration and then bought the dog for £850.00 .( money i'd saved for doing the house up) The woman selling him was actually not very nice and i almost backed out when i found out that she had been in the papers for defrauding the government a few years ago. But she clearly loved the dog and assured me how well socialised and trained he was etc and i stupidly went ahead .
It just felt wrong almost as soon as i got home and then ds2 after being initially over the moon started to feel unsure and saying he'd always wanted a best friend but now he felt all strange and didn't think a dog was right for us etc . I was feeling exactly the same but i don't know why .
we went for a walk and let the dog off the lead ( had already walked the dog with the previous owner ) and ds2 started jogging a bit , the dog went mental and started barking and tugging at his trousers and wouldn't stop . It really scared ds2 which put him off the dog even more . I am feeling terribly anxious and the responsibility i realise i have taken on is making me feel sick . Its just far too much for me and i cant believe i feel like this .
Ds2 is really upset , he says if i take the dog back ( and i'm not sure if i can yet) he will be devastated because he always dreamed of a companion but if he stays he feels uncomfortable too . tbh ds2 isnt very good with his feelings and emotions at the best of times .
I want to just call the woman and see if she will take him back but i feel so so guilty , for the dog and my son and i feel really stupid because my family and friends know how much i wanted a dog , but suddenly i don't .
sorry for the huge post .

OP posts:

Alittlepotofrosie · 31/07/2017 12:54

You can try and give him back but as this woman is someone who is willing to sell a 2 year old dog for £850 I think you have very little chance of it.

MeanAger · 31/07/2017 12:57

Right, this is all new and overwhelming. You are in panic mode. But you have committed to a live animal now, you have an obligation to do the best you can for him. What you need is someone to come out and show you how to train this dog (and how to untrain the bad behaviours like chasing runners!) this will cost money but animals do and you will of course have planned to spend money on him. (I hope!) so get cracking on finding a well recommended dog trainer and get to work. Done properly your son will thank you in years to come for giving him the best friend he always wanted.

Hidingtonothing · 31/07/2017 13:01

I would start contacting local rescues OP, PM me your general area if you like and I'll see if I have any rescue contacts near you. It's going to be an expensive mistake but better for everyone (dog included) to get it sorted asap and put it down to experience. Sorry it's not worked out for you all.

AdalindSchade · 31/07/2017 13:03

How long have you had him for? You can't give him back, you are obligated to do your best to keep him. Training, lots of walks, lots of time for your ds and the dog to bond. They won't be best mates immediately! Your ds needs to take on some caring tasks for the dog to foster a sense of responsibility and attachment. Try not to panic!

BuzzKillington · 31/07/2017 13:03

Don't panic! It's very early days and is no doubt confusing and overwhelming for the dog too.

Keep new experiences to a minimum for a few days whilst the dog gets used to you.

llangennith · 31/07/2017 13:04

Don't feel stupid. We all make mistakes. You're unlikely to get your money back for the dog but you could rehome him via one of the dog homes. Yes it's a living creature but clearly the wrong living creature for your family and I'd certainly put my family's needs before that of a dog.
I've always had dogs and have two at the moment before all the judgypants assume I'm a dog-hater.

HeyRoly · 31/07/2017 13:06

I'm going to buck the trend and say you aren't obligated to keep the dog if you're certain that you and DS have changed your minds, and it sounds like you have.

£850 though? It sounds like you've been robbed.

3luckystars · 31/07/2017 13:11

If it's only a few days then give the dog back.
If something doesn't feel right then it's not right.

Yes it was a mistake but you were genuine, you are unlikely to get your money back from this woman so you have paid the price for your mistake.
If it's just a few days then give the dog back and move on. He deserves a good life and so do you and so does your son.

If it's just such a short time, then he could have been staying with you for a few days while his owner was on holiday. I know it's not the same but you are very upset and this probably feels like the end of the world but it's just a few days and you looked after him.

If it doesn't feel right, it's not right, give him back and move on. Sorry for you all, especially the dog! But you will all be ok, good luck x

Rednailsandnaeknickers · 31/07/2017 13:12

How long have you had him? I had a very similar omg what have I done? Feeling when we first got our boy (who is super well behaved actually but it was just the overwhelming sense of responsibility for this unknown animal and not understanding his doggie language yet) but after several weeks it all settled down as we got to know each other and many years on he's the best thing that ever happened to our family.

It does take a while to work out each dogs individual needs and to form a bond. Some doggie classes or working with a really good behaviourist can do wonders.

ButFirstTea · 31/07/2017 13:19

Can you give it a few days and just walk the dog on the lead? It seems very early to be walking off lead even if he was used to it with his previous owner - it's a new environment with new people and he might be nervous or unsure.

Have a look for training classes in your area as well? It will help build a bond with the dog at the same time as teaching it some positive behaviours.

Veterinari · 31/07/2017 13:29

Firstly OP don't panic.

The way you're feeling is TOTALLY normal - you only have to read a few threads on here to see that new dog owners are often completely overwhelmed at first.

Second. Can you tell us more about the dog's history - his breed, why was he being rehomed etc?

Thirdly why did you decide to get this dog from this woman (rather than a puppy or a reputable rescue for example?)

Fourth, have you looked into general training classes etc? Have you owned a dog before?

This dog will be hugely anxious - he's just been uprooted from the only life he knows - he needs calm and quiet, and consistency whilst you gain his trust and build a relationship. Start with clicker training in the house and garden.

MeanAger · 31/07/2017 13:50

I'm going to buck the trend and say you aren't obligated to keep the dog

That was one poster. Not a trend.

HeyRoly · 31/07/2017 13:54

Two actually, within the first four posts. And I know the general trend when it comes to cat and dog posts on MN.

FannyFifer · 31/07/2017 13:58

£850 for a 2 year old dog?
That's mad money, what breed?

fruitbat2008 · 31/07/2017 14:08

What fanny said its got to be at least a pedigree I would consult a dog trainer good luck.

Wolfiefan · 31/07/2017 14:09

If you can answer vets questions OP you will get some good advice on here.

AlletrixLeStrange · 31/07/2017 14:12

I felt like this for the first few months! My son has ASD and was very nervous around the dog (he wanted the dog, loves dogs and had met him 6 or 7 times before he came home.. I wouldn't have got him otherwise)
We stuck it out and they're currently sat together cuddling on the sofa and I couldn't imagine our lives without him.
I'd say give it some time.

I can't believe you paid £850 for a 2 year old dog though

MeanAger · 31/07/2017 14:17

Two actually, within the first four posts.

Nope. One. You've preempted a trend that hasn't happened.

Soubriquet · 31/07/2017 14:18

Blimey...£850 for a 2 year old dog?

Wouldn't even pay that for a puppy!!

What breed is this dog?

You have to remember it's all new for both you and the dog. We all go through a "oh god what have I done" period.

You need to find a trainer and go from there

dishwasher71 · 31/07/2017 14:20

Poor you. Do you have anyone you can call on to come with you and speak to this woman to get your money back? Someone who will give you some moral support and help you not to feel so anxious? That would be my first suggestion.

Is the woman a breeder? Can you bring someone official along with you, - RSPCA, or something?

SparklingRaspberry · 31/07/2017 14:28

How long have you had the dog? What breed?

I'm gunna be honest, you should never have let that dog off the lead so soon! It doesn't matter that you took it out for one walk with the previous owner. You need to build up a relationship with the dog before you even think of doing anything like that!

It's early days. I think it'd be wrong of you to get rid already. Even if you do, please don't give the dog back to previous woman. You've been robbed and she clearly doesn't give a shite about the poor dog.

Give the dog a chance. Take it to training. Build a relationship with it. Your son isn't gunna find a best friend in a dog you've had 2 minutes. The dog needs to get to know you all.

InvisableLobstee · 31/07/2017 14:55

Agree with the others, I do think it sounds like you have paid a lot for him and the woman probably might not take him back as she seems to have sold him to you in a slightly dodgy way, charging so much for him. That means he would have to go to a rescue and being an older dog he might take a little while to rehome. For this reason and because you said your son would be still be sad if you rehomed him and is more uncomfortable than anything having him there, I would consider keeping him.
I think you and ds will get used to him. When we rescued our dog it took a while for us all to get used to each other. Ddog was nervous on walks and badly behaved in some ways. I would say it took a few months before she really settled in.

whereismyparachute · 31/07/2017 15:00

It took 11 months for our rescue to really be at home and feel safe and to trust us.

Don't rush in to anything without seeing a behaviourist. If only for your son, my dd has autism and sounds very similar.

I am not saying that it will be easy but it's so rewarding to gain the trust and love of a rescue

Floggingmolly · 31/07/2017 15:08

I don't think the woman is under any obligation to refund the money. It's not exactly covered by the Sale of Goods Act, is it?
What breed is it, op? If you wanted an older dog rather than a puppy why did you not go to a rescue centre? Paying £850 to some random woman who you say has been previously convicted of fraud is so ridiculous I'm struggling to believe it

summer4881 · 31/07/2017 15:27

If your child is at risk from the dog... Biting trousers... you should rehome the dog either back to the breeder or to a rescue who will assess and rehome to the right family.

I work with dogs and have my own but people and your children should always come first. It sounds like the dog needs an experienced dog owner to help him.

Training a 2yr old dog will take a lot of time, patience and money.. if you're honest with yourself that you can't provide that, it's better for the dog and you that you decide sooner than allow the behaviour to get worse and put your family at risk.

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