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The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

Original poster

made a huge mistake feel so terribly guilty

98 replies

peaksandvalleys · 31/07/2017 12:52

I just keep crying today as i feel so horrible about the situation . I have always wanted a dog , i have done quite a lot of dog sitting for my sister in laws lovely terrier before so thought i knew what a dog entailed .
My son has aspergers syndrome , he is 18 now and although hes mildly affected he does sometimes react a bit off to things . He has mithered me for years to get a dog but due to dh having asthma and the cost i have never got one .
Recently i have been feeling quite anxious and below par and i think this is what has led me to taking the bull by the horns and surprising ds2 with a 2 year old dog . I was sort of thinking that i am always so over cautious about everything that i never do anything ,but this time i will .
But i have made a terrible mistake .
I visited the dog first, i went away for two weeks , i thought about it , gave it massive over the top consideration and then bought the dog for £850.00 .( money i'd saved for doing the house up) The woman selling him was actually not very nice and i almost backed out when i found out that she had been in the papers for defrauding the government a few years ago. But she clearly loved the dog and assured me how well socialised and trained he was etc and i stupidly went ahead .
It just felt wrong almost as soon as i got home and then ds2 after being initially over the moon started to feel unsure and saying he'd always wanted a best friend but now he felt all strange and didn't think a dog was right for us etc . I was feeling exactly the same but i don't know why .
we went for a walk and let the dog off the lead ( had already walked the dog with the previous owner ) and ds2 started jogging a bit , the dog went mental and started barking and tugging at his trousers and wouldn't stop . It really scared ds2 which put him off the dog even more . I am feeling terribly anxious and the responsibility i realise i have taken on is making me feel sick . Its just far too much for me and i cant believe i feel like this .
Ds2 is really upset , he says if i take the dog back ( and i'm not sure if i can yet) he will be devastated because he always dreamed of a companion but if he stays he feels uncomfortable too . tbh ds2 isnt very good with his feelings and emotions at the best of times .
I want to just call the woman and see if she will take him back but i feel so so guilty , for the dog and my son and i feel really stupid because my family and friends know how much i wanted a dog , but suddenly i don't .
sorry for the huge post .

OP posts:
Original poster
peaksandvalleys · 03/08/2017 16:37

I went to some rescues first but i was looking for a non moulting breed due to my husbands asthma and couldn't find one. I then considered a puppy before deciding to give a home to a 2 year old dog that i saw advertised as i thought having already being house trained etc would be a good thing .

OP posts:
Original poster
peaksandvalleys · 03/08/2017 16:39

and the price , i thought was about average for a maltese dog . Nearly all the puppies for sale were that price .

OP posts:
BiteyShark · 03/08/2017 16:42

I would try and forget everything you have been told he can do and introduce him slowly to things like you would a puppy. So assume he isn't good with children until you have slowly introduce him for short supervised periods. Go to a dog trainer as well to start from scratch, this will help you assess what he can and can't do as well as start to build up a bond with you. Good luck OP.

Wolfiefan · 03/08/2017 17:00

She has tucked you up with a dog she doesn't want. Nobody gets a dog and loves it to bits and trains it perfectly then flogs it for close to £1000.
If I couldn't keep my dog she would go back to the breeder. (Over my cold dead body that is!)

Original poster
peaksandvalleys · 03/08/2017 17:05

well i really hope she hasn't tucked me up with a dog with health problems as well then because we haven't had the vet appointment yet.
like i said , big mistake . I also hadn't bargained for my sons reaction as hes been fine with other dogs . I've made my already tricky life a whole lot trickier , feeling kind of sick .

OP posts:
GreatBigPolarBear · 03/08/2017 17:32

Give him back and consider it a £350 lesson!

Wolfiefan · 03/08/2017 18:25

Poor bloody dog.

Soubriquet · 03/08/2017 18:49

I agree give him back

Sounds like you haven't done enough research as you expect this dog to just behave

It may have been trained...but for her not you.

You need to do your own training and putting your own touches with the dog.

£850 for an adult dog is never acceptable.

I wouldn't expect to pay for than £300 for an adult dog

A pedigree puppy with all the papers at £850? Sure if it's the right breed

LilCamper · 03/08/2017 19:27

Amazed that if you did research you never discovered Maltese are not considered terriers.

OliviaBenson · 03/08/2017 19:33

I'm sorry but you are expecting far too much far too soon. You need to build up a bond not just throw the dog into new situations.

You've had some good advice but the only thing you seem bothered about is getting all your money back.

tabulahrasa · 03/08/2017 19:39

Being picked up by children isn't part of what good with children involves... if you want a dog that is going to be treated like that, take him back and get a toy one.

SparklingRaspberry · 03/08/2017 20:36

Fgs. I'm gunna be totally honest with how I feel here.

The only thing I feel sorry for here is that poor dog!

You have no clue what you're doing OP. You should never have gotten that poor animal.

Shock horror a dog growls when a strange child picks it up Hmm

Seriously, what on earth were you thinking when you got a dog? Not just this dog but ANY dog?!

You don't give two hoots about him. All you seem to care about is your poxy money! Sorry, you don't deserve the money back. And you certainly don't deserve the dog either!

You got him on a whim. If you actually bothered to research properly you'd know that NO dog will be perfect, ever, but especially this soon. You keep throwing him into all these situations and then bitching about his reactions when placed in them.

You are looking for any excuse to get rid of him, oh he did this, he did that, blah blah blah.

Do the dog a favour, either rehome him to someone DECENT and somebody worthy of him who will give him the patience, love and chances he deserves, or be a half decent person and take some responsibility and get him in training and not expect the world from a dog you've had 5 minutes.

And then never get another animal again.

Alittlepotofrosie · 03/08/2017 21:19

Does the dog get any time to himself?

A 10 year old should know better than to try and pick up a dog especially one she doesnt know. She needs to be taught how to respect animals.

Original poster
peaksandvalleys · 03/08/2017 22:06

your only going off a few posts i have written , obviously they have given the wrong impression . If you knew me in RL you would not have said what you have . My concern here has been for my autistic son and the dog . I never expected things to be how they have been and i'm in a tricky situation. persevere and train the dog and hope my son stops feeling anxious/ afraid about him or return . The money is my last priority , it isnt the money , its the woman who continues to try and grab as much as she can that irks me . I think i have come across wrong and i have now also learned not to turn to mumsnet with things that i'm feeling heartbroken about .

OP posts:
Original poster
peaksandvalleys · 03/08/2017 22:06

that was to sparklingraspberry , dont know where the first bit went .

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Wolfiefan · 03/08/2017 22:10

But you took on an unknown adult assuming it would be trained etc. you didn't go through a rescue or a decent breeder where you would have ongoing support.
You don't seem to have the skills to deal with the dog. I wouldn't allow someone to run with a new dog. Or pick them up.

ProphetOfDoom · 03/08/2017 22:32

Decide one way or another after a family meeting. And then stick with it and don't look back.

Give the dog back and take the £350 hit. Though I suspect it might be a £850 mistake. Don't over-focus on the seller. She's a shady character whose word can't be trusted. We get it.

Or really commit to the dog - you're going through the oh fuck/what I have I done panic which will go away - and embrace what he's going to give you all. The reasons for getting a dog haven't gone away. Copy and paste the really good advice and read all the links given on here. Any questions ask - there's a wealth of experience here. He could be a smashing dog if you put in the work.

Original poster
peaksandvalleys · 03/08/2017 22:33

i have only done things with the best intentions and as it stands the dog is happily wagging his tail , with a full belly of chicken after going for a long walk .

OP posts:
Original poster
peaksandvalleys · 03/08/2017 22:34

thanks prophet

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ProphetOfDoom · 03/08/2017 22:35

See. You have it in you to be a good owner and he's happy with you. It just takes a time, knowledge and consistency.

StiginaGrump · 03/08/2017 22:40

I spent a ew weeks with the knit of fear and that dog went on to be one of my best ever lie choices.
This could work out but you are in need of some urgent training because at the mo your knowledge is pretty low. Some good classes, mumsnets the doghouse and a decent book and you could all be happier. Give it a go

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 03/08/2017 23:07

I find it hard to believe you've had dogs before as you appear completely clueless, not only about dogs and their care in general but because you thought £850 was the going rate! For a pedigree puppy maybe, adult dogs don't even cost half of that!

Somebody needs to do something for this poor dog who is stuck between people who don't care/ don't have a clue

Therealslimshady1 · 04/08/2017 08:23

I am sorry it is such a hard and expensive lesson.

I don't understand why you let him off lead straight away? It will take the dog months to bond with you, and he needs to bond before he'll.want to please you (and listen)

But it sounds like it was all a mistake, and if I was you, I'd get the dodgy previous owner to take him back, if at all possible. If not, a rescue.

Hope you find a solution as this set up sounds very stressful for all involved...

Don't beat yourself up over it, but focus on finding a solution.

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