made a huge mistake feel so terribly guilty

[peaksandvalleys]

I just keep crying today as i feel so horrible about the situation . I have always wanted a dog , i have done quite a lot of dog sitting for my sister in laws lovely terrier before so thought i knew what a dog entailed .
My son has aspergers syndrome , he is 18 now and although hes mildly affected he does sometimes react a bit off to things . He has mithered me for years to get a dog but due to dh having asthma and the cost i have never got one .
Recently i have been feeling quite anxious and below par and i think this is what has led me to taking the bull by the horns and surprising ds2 with a 2 year old dog . I was sort of thinking that i am always so over cautious about everything that i never do anything ,but this time i will .
But i have made a terrible mistake .
I visited the dog first, i went away for two weeks , i thought about it , gave it massive over the top consideration and then bought the dog for £850.00 .( money i'd saved for doing the house up) The woman selling him was actually not very nice and i almost backed out when i found out that she had been in the papers for defrauding the government a few years ago. But she clearly loved the dog and assured me how well socialised and trained he was etc and i stupidly went ahead .
It just felt wrong almost as soon as i got home and then ds2 after being initially over the moon started to feel unsure and saying he'd always wanted a best friend but now he felt all strange and didn't think a dog was right for us etc . I was feeling exactly the same but i don't know why .
we went for a walk and let the dog off the lead ( had already walked the dog with the previous owner ) and ds2 started jogging a bit , the dog went mental and started barking and tugging at his trousers and wouldn't stop . It really scared ds2 which put him off the dog even more . I am feeling terribly anxious and the responsibility i realise i have taken on is making me feel sick . Its just far too much for me and i cant believe i feel like this .
Ds2 is really upset , he says if i take the dog back ( and i'm not sure if i can yet) he will be devastated because he always dreamed of a companion but if he stays he feels uncomfortable too . tbh ds2 isnt very good with his feelings and emotions at the best of times .
I want to just call the woman and see if she will take him back but i feel so so guilty , for the dog and my son and i feel really stupid because my family and friends know how much i wanted a dog , but suddenly i don't .
sorry for the huge post .

was referring to your post at 12:57

Well then you need to read my post again. It does not at all say OP is obligated to keep the dog.

P.s you don't get to tell someone to stop arguing with you and then carry on the the argument.

Fwiw OP, I think you've jumped into this a bit for someone who clearly has very little experience with dogs. Personally I think these issues can be overcome. I don't think they are massive issues at all. Consistent training will have him behaving in a short time. However, that is entirely dependant on everyone in the house actually wanting it to work. If you don't then there is no point trying and you should rehome him responsibly asap.

@summer4881
I do not think it is acceptable for my dog to jump at strangers or grab them with her teeth. Absolutely not. But to suggest this person is putting their family at risk by keeping a dog who displayed this behaviour with a new owner running with them? That's daft.
A well trained and settled dog can absolutely help your anxiety. A new dog in the house can initially make it much worse. You need to focus on a strategy that works for you. Your dog. Your routine. Keep it on a lead for now. Find a good trainer to work with.

You paid £850 for a 2 year old dog?! Insanity she saw you coming!!!!!

Don't let the dog off lead yet, it needs to bond to you or it may disappear! You need to train it and also let it settle. It isn't used to life with you and sounds like it previously had a batty con artist for an owner.

But seriously, what the heck possessed you to pay that price for a 2 year old dog?!

I felt awful when I brought our long considered and carefully chosen dog home. More so than when I had a baby! This anxiety is common but please listen other peoples advice

I have a couple of Maltese and they are brilliant little dogs, he must be confused with being moved to a new home at 2 years old. Try and give him time to settle and only lead walks, it will take a while for him to reliably come back to you. I would gladly give him a home but sadly don't have £850!!

I'm sorry how can anyone sell a 2 year old dog unless it's a working dog. I think it's down and out cruel. I took on a rescue which was to much for a lady but to her credit she didn't ask for a penny. It's hard work to settle them in, they have left their family which they've known from a puppy and have to fit in with a new family and a new regime and learn your body language. It takes time.

This thread is justnyet another example of why people MUST do their research 100% before getting a dog! Doing a spot of dog sitting doesn't mean you're the right person to actually own a dog

Your naivety shows in how you've gone out, brought a 2 year old dog for over £800, let it off the lead straight away, and already considering rehoming because of normal hurdles that are EASILY helped.

This is why people shouldn't get dogs on a whim

Get a trainer in. Do your research. Put the effort in. Build a relationship and gain the trust from your dog. Give it a chance.

Bloody hell! Could we stop the infighting and get back to supporting the OP please?!

OP First of all - deep breath! You've thought about this for a while - you've chosen a nice, you g adult dog from a decent (if slightly bonkers) home. It will be ok, you can do this!

It's likely the dog is anxious and also pretty spoilt given the description of his previous routine. The 'biting/mouthing' behaviour will be something that he's learned - because it usually works to get attention. One of my dogs did this when I rehomed her - whenever she wanted attention she would grab at trousers or leggings -and occasionally nip - zero aggressive intent and simply attention-seeking. The key is to totally ignore it and then (this is crucial) LOADS of praise when calm and quiet. Basic obedience training using a clicker will help - look up kikopup on YouTube.

This dog could absolutely be a brilliant dog for your family but ALL dogs require work - time, training, affection and consistency to learn the new family rules and relationships.

Ultimately you get out what you put it - but I guarantee you it's worth it - and we're all here to help

Hi ,
Thanks veterinari. I think anxious and spoilt could be the case as he seems very demanding in so much as he will sit at the side of me all the time and just keep woofing at me , like ' hey im here and im the most important ' if i try to ignore him he just gets louder and louder .
He has also nicked one of my shoes and chewed it today whilst i was cooking in the kitchen . I was assured that he has never chewed since he was a puppy . I cant trust a word that woman says though i dont think . After telling her the dog was struggling to settle i've heard nothing since . This is supposed to be a woman who was heartbroken about him going and paranoid that he wouldnt be cared for properly .
dh let him off the lead again earlier and he did the same thing running in massive zoomy circles the biting his jeans and i think whats know as a play bow ? so he must think its a game .
if anyone messes with his tail he turns round with his mouth open , doesn't look like he'd bite but maybe just put his teeth on us .

It's great you've done some more bonding with him but please stop letting him off the lead unless it's in the garden until he is more settled. He is chewing, nipping and acting 'out of character' because he is confused about the new situation he's in. He needs time to adjust and to build new bonds with you all before you can get a good sense of his personality.

Persevere OP , he will probably turn out to be a great dog . You would probably find that she's moved house / changed her number , unfortunately she probably saw you coming but hey ho , now you've got him he will soon get used to his new routine .

If he grabs then replace with a toy. Same with chewing. Nylabone toys are great. Or a kong
No messing with tail. He needs time to settle.
It is a play bow. I love it when they do that!
No I don't believe a word that woman said.
Do sign up for some training with a decent trainer. It really can make the world of difference.

HI ,
Thanks for all the input . we have kept him on the lead which is fine apart from the fact that he just doesn't burn off enough energy like that really and has been quite boisterous at night .

I really would like some further opinions though ,
He has been around my two young nieces this afternoon . Admittedly they are quite giddy and giggly but they weren't doing anything wrong with the dog , my father in law was sat watching them . I heard a loud growl and apparently it was because the 10 year old had gone to lift the dog up on to the sofa , I have lifted him on to the sofa plenty of times so far without issues , he mithers to get up on your knee .

I asked lots of questions of the seller about how he is around kids . she told me he has been around her sisters kids loads and is used to their rough and tumble , that hes absolutely fine with them .

Then again she also told me that he wont go anywhere near water and he was having a ball in all the puddles this morning .
I don't feel happy about this growling at all . obviously for the dogs sake as well . But , this was not what i thought i was getting .

I have spoken to the seller yesterday about how he's been off lead and how it has scared my son , explaining that we are a bit uncertain its working out but want to give him some more time and she was really patronising and not very nice at all .
She said she is concerned for the dog and doesn't think i am capable of looking after a dog etc etc . said i can return him but i'm only getting £500 back .
tbh i think this is unfair , i don't think he is trained as she said he is and we also said at the time that if for some reason the dog doesn't settle , for the dog and everyone elses sake we would bring him back . shame i didn't mention the refund at the time .

The contract says that she guarantees the dog to be of sound temperament . would it be too ridiculous to say this isn't the case with regards to his growling at kids etc ?

A strange child picked him up? Many dogs would growl at that.
I'm sorry but it really sounds as if you are out of your depth.
The dog needs training and to get used to you and your house. Noisy kids should be kept away at least until the dog is settled. Walk on a longline and harness for more freedom? Training and brain games as well as ball etc in the garden would tire him out.
Sounds like you may have bitten off more than you can chew. Sorry

Frankly you are lucky she's willing to give you any money back . The dog growls as a warning , not because he wants to savage somebody , he's just warning somebody off doing something he doesn't like . Don't let children he doesn't know pick him up . I'd love to keep saying persevere but honestly you don't sound like you know the first thing about dogs , did you do no research before you bought this unfortunate animal .

i researched the breed and i have had dogs before , a yorkie , a border collie , a mixed breed rescue and never had a problem .
I'm a bit upset that you say this unfortunate animal as the dog seems quite happy other than that one growl and is now curled up on my lap in a quiet house , just me and him . the children popped round for about half an hour and they definitely didnt go pestering him or following him around or anything untoward .
hes been treated well ! Lots of walks , love and treats . quiet place to sleep etc It was his previous owner who said we should let him off the lead , said he would be fine and is used to staying with her friends and family and a neighbour .
I'm doing my best for him and as far as the dog is concerned i don't see how this is any different than going off to be minded whilst owner is on holiday .

If i was the seller , i would accept that sometimes a new dog with new owners just don't match or work out and would happily refund and rehome . If anyones at fault its the seller as she bought him as a pup and was meant to be providing life long care not selling him on at 2 years old .

But they were "pestering" as the dog saw it. Hence the growling.

Can you get a trainer in for some one to one training with him?

Well I would expect someone with that much dog experience to know that growling is a warning and that nobody can 'guarantee' anything when they sell a dog . My dog would find it most upsetting to be uprooted from his home even for a few days that's why I said unfortunate animal , he's already been let down by one owner , if you take him back he will just be passed on again . Perhaps that is how this woman makes her living , she sells him once a week for £850 and then pays £500 to get him back , pockets the £350 and does the whole thing again .

Honestly, I think you're expecting far too much from him far too soon. This is a massive change for him and it's not remotely surprising that his behaviour might not be perfect from the get go. He needs time to settle in and find his feet.

The growl at being picked up by a stranger (I know she's not to you but she is to him) is not remotely unreasonable. It's also actually a good sign that you've got a dog who is trying to do everything they can to indicate they're unhappy without resorting to snapping/biting. Active supervision (i.e. carefully managing interactions between the dog and children) is the key here, not just having an adult watching as if anything does happen they can only intervene after the fact. This is worth a look and I'd also suggest reading the various resources linked to on this list.

The chances are in situations like the one where he ended up growling he's been giving out plenty of subtler signals beforehand that he's not happy. Things like turning his head away, lip licking, yawning and various other things can indicate a dog is getting stressed and you should be intervening at the first sign of these.

I agree with Wolfiefan that a harness and proper long line (not an extending lead) will give him a bit more freedom to run around on walks whilst still keeping him safe. You could also look for local secure fields to give him a proper off lead run in whilst again keeping him safe. This website has a database of secure fields available for hire.

Maltese are bright little things so giving his brain a workout will also help tire him out as well as building a bond between you. There's all sorts you can do from trick training to scent work to body awareness exercises. The possibilities are literally endless and there are tons of resources online for such things but if you want somewhere simple to start I can highly recommend this book.

Getting him to a decent training class would be ideal. I'd look for decent trainers/behaviourists in your area (go via any of the organisations on this list to be sure you're getting someone reputable) and see what classes they run. Basic dog lifeskills courses are very common and would be really useful for both of you.

I could do . I realise the dog must have been uncomfortable and thats why he growled , i'm not blaming the dog at all . I did say to the seller that he would be seeing children and she went on about how placid with them he is and loves to play with them etc maybe if she had said hes great when he gets to know them or he can sometimes be overwhelmed but she honestly led me to believe that he would go anywhere with anyone and be fine .
but then , after defrauding the government out of thousands i'd be daft to belive her wouldnt i .
here she is www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2588023/Crooked-businesswomen-met-Queen-two-Prime-Ministers-used-fake-students-steal-200-000-government-funded-charity.html

Bet you wish you'd read that before you bought him , what a delight she is .

But I don't understand why you bought an adult dog off a woman you didn't know. And at such a price.