You know you have dog(s) and small children when....

[HoneyDragon]

? the pre schooler wipes a bogie down your leg in passing, and the dog pauses following said child long enough to lick it off.

? you have to teach a Labrador how to get down from the top of the climbing frame

? your garden appears to be empty. Until you find a two 10 year olds, 1 five year old, 1 three year old and a Labrador wedged in the Wendy house. With the door shut.

? it's the height of summer and your three year olds face is always suspiciously clean of ice cream.

Your official title is now referee

You find a puddle of pee and your not 100% sure who's it is

There is a child in the crate and a pup on the bed

Oh yes. I did the puppy/potty training combo last year

● you find the dog hiding in the house.
● it's too quiet and find them asleep in the kennel...
●the dog is covered in paint.

at the thought of a labrador at the top of a climbing frame!

When the dog is dressed up in dolls clothes.

Our dog once ate the poo out of the potty - I was nearly sick!

You can do baby led weaning without a thought about mess not that our baby's diet is dictated by the spaniel's likes & dislikes...

You can let the dog do the sniff test to determine if a nappy needs changing. The sniff focus & speed of wag give it away

You ponder spraying dettol surface cleaner on the dog after finding handfuls of fur in your baby's paws, sorry, hands.

You suspect the dog's name will be the baby's first word.
Or possibly 'heel'.

VerySmallSqueak

Labrador logic

Up is easy

Down is vets bills.

It's one of those wooden tower ones as well. She was thrilled to see for miles into everyone's gardens. I was crapping myself. Thankfully she listened to me and went my down in a series of leaps, rather than a massive 6 foot leap through a very small hole.

My little dog tried to jump out of the (ground floor) window,and luckily DD was standing there and caught him.

At least your labrador had a survival instinct HoneyDragon!

When I was little our labrador used to follow us up the slide in the playground - she was fine going up but couldn't come down the steps as she could see the ground. She ended up sliding down the slide with us, realising that it was Really Good Fun and doing it again and again and again

One side of their head smells of Marmite & the other dog breath!

Labs LURVE toddlers.....one used to position himself under the table face pointing towards DD's knees...very little hit the ground!

Your dc's crayons are seriously depleted and your Goldie has multicoloured poo.

Your garden is home to several punctured footballs.

You find dc's soft toys and slippers in random places in the garden.

The most common phrase in the house is "WATCH THE DOG DOESN'T GET OUT! "

Loving the tales of daredevil dogs. I've resisted getting the paddling pool out because I know the dog would see it as his own personal bath .

The dc wouldn't get a look in.

While you were out, the dog has raided the bin, eaten a shitty disposable nappy, and barfed it all back up again.

Oh, I taught her to go down the slide properly as I was fed up of her running up it and sliding backwards.

She treats it like stairs now, and sits at the top till the person on it is off at the bottom

When the 2yo looks like she's been doing this for years.

And when the floor is suspiciously clean around said 2yo's chair at mealtimes.

Oh and when you use the dogs commands (stay, here boy etc) on the toddler :o

And when previously mentioned toddler copies you and uses the dogs commands 'Grocket! Aaaaare boyyyyy!' (Sprocket! Here boy!)

When the dog tries to join in at bath time and sometimes succeeds!
When there's drool all over the phone/remote and you don't know who it belongs to.
When the toddler blames the dog.
When you sleep clinging to the edge of the bed with no duvet.
When you get sloppy kisses!
When safety gates aren't just for kids.

This seriously happened this morning; I had one of the boys asleep in the Donkey this morning, and the dog was pushing it with his front paws on the bugabee board!

You find your dog on the trampoline
The dogs water bowl is full of toys
You have to tell the children that they have a Wendy house so please get out of the dogs kennel
Overhearing the 4 year old telling the puppy to "bugger off" and calling him a "twat" oops:)
Finding the children eating the dog food/drinking out of the water bowl.

Yy to eating the dog food! We did a kitchen extension last year so had to move the dogs bowls into the open plan dining/living room while we were doing it. I heard the dogs bowls rattling so went to see what DD was doing, I picked her up and her breath smelt of dog food

You suddenly realise you are a baby sock/dummy/other small item short and dog is doing his 'look what I have and shouldn't parade.

You find stones everywhere but outside and aren't sure if medium children or for legs brought them in.

You never have a 'pair' of socks

I am convinced 7wk olds first words will be 'get down' worse case with an extra word included

You don't need towels for the children because the dog licks them dry when they get out of the bath (and the children encourage the dog by making their hands wet, just so the dig will keep drying them).

The whippy considers wooden railway tracks as really good sticks to chew on.

The dogs lie in the dc's room at bedtime waiting for their story to be read.

cunny I was once asked by another mum at school whether I kept horses or dogs. Slightly perplexed I said "yes, I have had dogs all my adult life, why?"
Apparently when the green man came on at the crossing I did a little tongue click and told DS to "walk on" (and he did!)

When my toddler in his carrier/backpack can call the puppy back and she responds better than for me!

When said toddler 'poo poos' in the paddling pool and we have to wrestle said pup before she manages to munch the whole lot.

The pup has a bigger stash of toys and stolen dummies than the kids.

My car smells like wet dogs, kids snacks, drool and vomit and I don't even flinch anymore.

When I've hoovered and mopped on an evening and by 10am the following morning shoes are required indoors.

When your biggest concern for your child's health is whether they might start coughing up hair balls