If there was an alternative Crufts, what would your dog win?

[CMOTDibbler]

I'm idly watching Crufts and contemplating how Cmotdog would run round the agility at high speed the wrong way, then try and eat something.

But, based on today, he would win 'most horse poo eaten' and 'fastest consumption of pig ear'. And I wondered what other classes there should be for real dogs

Best fox impersonation.

Most beautiful amber eyes award.

Most expressive 'head on one side cos I'm really listening to you mum' award.

Worst anal gland smell in the world's history of all dog breeds (and wild animals) award... to be presented by our wonderful vet hope you got that out of your hair Hattie .

Mine would stalk into the ring, give the judges her best 'You're judging me?' Margot Leadbetter glare, and then stalk off.

Eco Dog Award - everywhere we go, he finds a plastic bottle to carry in his mouth and insists on bringing it home. I,had to order a second recycling bin from the cooncil just for him.

Sofa creeper, I swear he is a dog ninja. He is a 30kg lab who can just sneak on up there. The massive sigh of contentment as he settles down does blow his cover tho.

The Goose Catcher of the Year Award

The Permanently Damp Ears Medal

The Sound of Music award for best yodelling,trilling and squeaking noises.

Followed up by a howl that shivers your spine . And best cant be arsed to get out from under duvet grunt when postman arrives .

Pimmsdog would currently win best sneaking under the duvet and stealing your bed prize. He is curled up in my makeshift bed on my parents sofa (staying for weekend) and I am now cold with no bed

On a normal day he would win best dirty washing stealer and best child herding. He is a lab collie cross and just loves to round the DCs up, especially if they are hurt then he herds them to wherever I am in the house running between them and me nipping all trouser legs to try and pull us together quicker

Hullypuppy would win the award for Best Daily Mail Sad Face.

Enjoying this thread very much Watched the flyball final earlier on Crufts - amazing speed from those dogs!

Fat Paddie (labrador) would win best bellyflop award - we've learned to stand well clear of any and all water!

... and loved the poodles absolutely flying around the agility ring

Hound of Poe: special ability - Hypno Dog!!

she can get me to feed her without engaging higher brain function.

total bypass.

Best stealth countersurfing

And best puddle avoidance navigation because we don't do wet

best in how filthy you can get when out - mine could find mud in the Sahara Desert

Most discerning tv critic. Douglas P hates tv shows involving (in no particular order):
Politicians
Sheep
Horses
Girl bands
Birds
Cartoons

Most expensive dog to insure (they wanted £900 last time we enquired)
Most whiney dog when locked out on the wrong side of the child gate
Worst smelling farts EVER

Fastest lap mount. He is on my lap before I've actually finished sitting down.

Longest time spent licking own bum

Stupidest Dog Award (think running after non-existent ball, waiting patiently next to kitchen door that's already ajar, because she hasn't worked out she can open it by pushing it)

Wussiest Rottweiler Award

Poppy would be great at agility as long as it included a dining table. She'd get the fastest time for jumping up on and stealing the food.

Most bewildered look.

Longest piss.

Greediest in show!

My spaniel would win 'longest continuous game of fetch'

My collie would win 'most small dogs eaten' or 'longest continuous cracker pulling, party poppy streamer catching (she loves things that go pop)'

My puppy would win 'wiggliest bottom (he has no tail)'

the laziest dog that isnt a greyhound

the saddest eyes in the world (she was ill treated)

Our Shih tzu would def win 'hiding all limbs when shown a brush' catagory .
He would also excel at 'washing cats'
However he would come last in 'buring things' , why dig a hole when you can nudge a leaf over it ?

Um, licking her vulva in front of guests.

The quickest kong clearer in the west. Takes him roughly half a minute max to get all the food out of one!

Best at just rolling over and letting DDs play with him - Teddy Bear

Best at tolerating DDs splashing them from a swimming pool -Floppy

Best at giving Pirate a wide enough space so that she knows they wouldn't dare try to nick her food - Houdini

Best at keeping puppies in check, chasing off the postman on his motorbike and generally keeping people away from the gate - Pirate