If there was an alternative Crufts, what would your dog win?

[CMOTDibbler]

I'm idly watching Crufts and contemplating how Cmotdog would run round the agility at high speed the wrong way, then try and eat something.

But, based on today, he would win 'most horse poo eaten' and 'fastest consumption of pig ear'. And I wondered what other classes there should be for real dogs

Baldest bum

Longest possible sleep

Longest possible bladder hold (his record is 17 hours
my fault for oversleeping by 4 hours )

Fartiest dog

Cuddliest dog

Smelliest dog

Dog best at stealing socks

Dog most humped at the park (all the male dogs have a go with her, she puts up little resistance)

Best howl (beagle)

Laziest JRT ever!

Best Sheep impression (yorkie likes to follow me everywhere)

Gorgeousest eyes, waggiest tail, scruffiest mutt - God, I love my girl.

Smelliest, barkiest, stealiest.

They are not in the good books today.

I'm loving these!

My dog would win

the razzie for the trying to not act gulity but failing miserably award
the impersonation for a meerkat award
the squeskiest dog award

Most independent fetch (won't fetch anything you throw or want, but will bring you random crap from around the house when he feels like it).

Laziest dog ever (funny, cos Irish setter, supposed to need millions of exercise!)

Family member who loves me most award, I love this trait in her, especially as DH manfully gets up super early every day to walk her

Best at finding dead things on walks (total number and variety of species)

Quickest consumption of unpleasant dead things found on walks

Most whole rabbits consumed on one short walk (3 entire)

And handsomest dog too, of course.

My terrier would win the huffiest dog award. One minute cuddles, next minute silent treatment for no reason!

Ruleddog1 Best kisser and cuddliest dog.
Only dog I know who won't sleep unless tucked up in bed like a human so she is my little spoon

Ruleddog2 laziest dog and doggy dustbin.

Best poker face as well. "No Mummy, I'm not showing any interest at all in what's on the table, I am completely focused on the lovely chew you've given me, you can of course avert your eagle eyes for a nano second without worrying that I might do anything I shouldn't..."

Flowery

Looking at dog currently, I think he would be a winner in dog expansion. He can curl up to sit on my lap, or stretch to touch both ends of a three seater sofa

Laughing a lot at these. No longer with us but my old (giant breed) would have been best in show based on biggest shit requiring two handed pickup. Also most windows broken when another dog walks past the house award

My parents' poodle would win:
Highest percentage of inedible content in poos
Most balloons eaten
Quickest garden re-modeller (their garden will never recover)

My lab puppy would win the best in show for picking up every bit of litter on the walk, chewing it up then depositing it in someone's driveway.

And best human impression. He uses his paws like hands. I don't think he believes he's a dog.

My Chihuahua would win for being the calmest puppy in the world. And sadly, the award for the worst dog breath would go to him too. He is overshot which makes his mouth dry out more.

My JRT would win for being the most stubbornest dog to ever walk this planet and the biggest sulker and also the most gentlest dog ever.

Punter.. My JRT does that too. She got hold of someones snot rag they dumped on the floor the other day. She loves it when she comes across a banana skin, she just holds it in her mouth for the entire walk.

Easy- my Parsons X would win best carpet ploughing dog!
The stretch lengthways, followed by the dragging of ones body on Capet by front paws until you go static!!

My two would definitely be contenders in the "couch gymnastics" division. Shonagh the Westie is expert at sleeping/perching/balancing on the backs of sofas, armchairs, decorative throw pillows. Lucy the Spaniel is a full terrier imprint (since we got her second) and she tries to do all the same things but it just doesn't work out...she's just too leggy to perch elegantly and it ends up being a massive FAIL. It's a good thing she has a pretty face....she might win a beauty prize?

My dog would win most intelligent or annoying depending on my opinion or my dogs, she figured out how to stand on the pedal bit of the bin so lid opens and she can help herself to the contents of our bin.
she can open the kitchen door by flicking down the handle then pushing the door open with her nose and she worked out how to open the cupboard door and help herself to the dog treats!

'Miniature horse' award
'Dashing scavenger' award
'Toy destroyer' award
'Crown jewels displayer' award

Clingiest soppy princess?