Dog really hates toddler DS

[TheHolyGruel]

I have posted about this before. I have two dogs (staffs) and a toddler DS who is 20mo.

My older dog (male) really dislikes my DS. He growls at him constantly and it is just getting worse. We had problems with this dog being dog aggressive but this has been overcome somewhat by walking him on a muzzle and walking the dogs separately. The dog has been checked by a vet, other than a recent worm problem (now sorted) there is nothing wrong.

We sought advice from a dog trainer/rescue person who we had a couple of sessions with. His advice re the toddler/dog situation was to put the dog down, as if something did go wrong then not only would it be a dreadful situation for us, but dreadful for staffies everywhere (another story for the papers etc, another crack in the BSL nonsense defence - I fully believe that BSL is bollocks and that the problem is not because he's a staff, but I'll talk about that in a moment). But I don't feel I can do it. In the meantime, any attempts to unite dog and DS are failing. DS is instructed to offer dog treats, to sit nicely and pet nicely, not to run up to dog, not to touch anything belonging to dog, etc. I make an effort for the dogs to be in the same room as DS as often as possible, but I am becoming worried for DS safety, as dog is really sounding at the end of his rope.

I honestly believe it is because the dog has been usurped from his position of 'first born'. The other dog displays no such issues, and is very fond of DS. The problem dog has always been the established top dog.

DH works away from home sometimes and has his biggest stint of the year coming up next month. He is away for a month, and I am petrified of how I will cope with this situation alone. It is so stressful.

In the first instance, does anyone know of a way in which I could find a foster carer for my dog, initially for this upcoming period, or is this unrealistic? He is fine with dogs smaller than himself and with older children (all children aside from DS it seems, in fact).

Can anyone offer any other advice or solutions? I think ultimately he will need rehoming, but I also know it's not that simple...

We're never going to agree.

But the Op is not giving the dog to prospective new owners is she? She is looking for a reputable rescue for the dog to go to, where it will be assessed, worked with if necessary and placed in the right home by experienced rehomers.

LookBehindYou: The dog is not a ticking time bomb if op keeps up with muzzling & separation.
I think the op has been unessesarily been flamed for no good reason.
She is doing what she can for now whilst she awaits a good home to be found.
I do not agree with putting a dog down thay is not ill or has never so much as bit, snarled or nipped-it is morally wrong.
Op has a lot going on in her life besides this, she asked for help but instead of helping her you flame her!
I have been through the same thing as op many years ago now-dog was jealous of my new baby, growled just like ops dog but i kept them separated, i spent time alone with the dog when i could, got her a new bed and teddy to make her feel special and kept dog on lead and muzzle whenever there was an occasion to be in same room-Guess what the dog had a happy life, my child was never bitten and eventually my dog grew old & unfortunetly got breast cancer so had to be pts but she was pts because she was in extreme pain not because she growled.
Ops dog & child could live with her if she keeps them separated and doesn't forget the rules-it can happen

Dooin, you seem to have quite a confused view of the place a dog should have in a household, so forgive me for not giving you much attention.
Unless the dog remains constantly muzzled and fed through a straw, the threat remains. I can see you shaking your head and wanting to argue with me. We will have to agree to disagree. I am apalled at people that think it's okay to have a dangerous dog growl and 'nearly snarl' (whatever) at a baby for two years. If nothing else, it's teaching the dc to regard a growl as normal.
As I said last night we will never disagree. So lets just leave it at that.

I think the dog has to go, as soon as possible, personally.

Sorry, in what way lby?

I haven't read anything d0oin written that would make me think there is a confusion about the dogs place in the household.

I treat my dogs as part of the family, they are part of the family, I don't quite understand what you mean.

OP have you rehomed the dog?

But the dog has been growling at the poor child for 2 years. How much longer should he have to live like that? And if the OP thinks her son is not picking up on her stress about keeping the dog seperated she is sorely mistaken.

God I do wish people who knew sweet twatting all about dogs would stop trying to make out they are Dog Whisperers, its dangerous and a little bit laughable abnd my pelvic floor isnt what it used to be

And to clarify Im not talking about the actual experts on here.

Tulips - you are starting to sound like you have an extremely worrying fixation on this dog. its actually starting to make me a bit uncomfortable.

Even if that was true, what on earth does it have to do with the rehoming policies of experienced rescues?

My dog's 'place' in my home is by side, btw, as always. Where ever I am, he is. Apart from bedtime, then he sleeps outside my door except for when he breaks in and sleeps in a drawer next to my bed

He is there as a companion for me and because I need a dog for my mental well being. I cannot cope without them. I enjoy taking daily walks up the mountain of doom, despite my moaning about it. I enjoy working with and training with them. It gives me a break from the constant circle of work, clean, childcare, work, clean, childcare....

He is not there as a guard dog or to entertain my children. We have a house alarm and various electronic goods for that.

I dont particularly care if you think im ridiculous and horrible. You are perfectly entitled to your opinion.

Yes I am entitled to my opinion, and you are acting like a twat. You are hounding and goading the OP, taking the piss out of PND, have some really bizarre and frankly distasteful lust for a dog who wont even be able to do any harm

Its just so bizarre, perhaps you have unresolved issues with dogs? I dunno, sounds like you need help, I hope you get it

Tantrums it has become a bit clearer

Tulips - I will try to be a bit more understanding of why you are posting these things from now on. FWIW when I was undergoing a period of something very similar to you I found it used to make me feel better to, for want of a better phrase, kick others when they were down and get fixated on certain things that I felt I could change, because I couldnt change my own life IYSWIM? I also scorned others with depression issues because I didnt actually think I was suffering myself (even though it was as clear as the nose on my face) I dont think I meant to do it, I was just so angry and confused, it wasnt me thinking those things. It made my problems feel a bit 'lighter', if that makes sense?

I got some help (ADs) and things are very much on the mend. I genuinely hope things are getting better for you, but maybe from now on go a bit easier on the OP eh? She is dealing with it, the dog and child will be kept separate, you dont need to try and 'fix' this, honestly, OP is a grown woman, as are you, and can sort it out.

Sorry but I am PMSL at this thread. It makes me laugh every time I read your posts to me. If you ever had the (misfortune?) to meet me in RL i think you might actually quite like me.

Tulips you find amusing that someone already going through a difficult time has the added stress and upset of having to rehome a much loved family pet?

I can guarantee that I most certainly would not like you if I met you in rl.

This is why MN gets a bad name! Can we stick to helping OP regardless of whether you agree or disagree with her actions. Stop using this as a forum for bun fights :(

Tulips, you piss when you laugh!? You really should see a doctor about that.

Its actually not that strange to find other peoples unhappiness and misery amusing when you are in a certain place yourself, as I say I went through a similar period. When I look back I could kick myself at some of the god awful hurtful (and sometimes truly weird) things I said, I can remember saying and thinking them at the time, but it wasnt really how I felt, if that makes sense.

I really dont mean this to sound patronising at all, I just recognise some of the traits that I had which is why I can sort of understand now why you are fixated on this and seem to have a need for an answer. OP has answered though, and has been given some brilliant advice from proper experts on here so its all in hand.

Tough situation; I'm really sympathetic. If the growling at ds is worse when the dog is close to you, then call it jealousy or what you will, but your ds is seen as competition for your attention and hence a threat that needs to warned off.

I'm not an expert (I have a sometimes crabby puppy with guarding tendencies), but I wonder if an approach would be to make sure the dog gets a top quality treat when your ds is anywhere near so he associates the presence of your ds with something nice, not an undesirable loss of attention. I've found that effective in food guarding situations (admittedly easier and lower stakes). And perhaps you should reduce your own cuddles - even with ds not around - with the dog so the competition becomes less direct? (might help..)

But it sounds as though you yourself know this is an unsustainable situation, and that the only safe thing is for your dog to go. Good luck.

Can I also just draw your attn to the guidelines
Thanks
MNHQ

Just a quick update: I have found the dog a foster home with a friend of a friend for the summer. The foster is a gay man and doesn't have any contact with children, he works with animals and is happy to have a challenging dog - he is aware of his issues.

In September we will reassess the situation - don't forget I also have my other dog and her reaction to the separation to consider. There is always the possibility that the foster may want to keep the dog if all goes well, otherwise I will be continuing my efforts to rehome him.

Hi, op you have been unessesarily been flamed on this thread for doing your best.
Imo you have done your very best in dealing with a very sad situation, it must be heartbreaking to say goodbye to your dog (((hugs))) xx