Dog really hates toddler DS

[TheHolyGruel]

I have posted about this before. I have two dogs (staffs) and a toddler DS who is 20mo.

My older dog (male) really dislikes my DS. He growls at him constantly and it is just getting worse. We had problems with this dog being dog aggressive but this has been overcome somewhat by walking him on a muzzle and walking the dogs separately. The dog has been checked by a vet, other than a recent worm problem (now sorted) there is nothing wrong.

We sought advice from a dog trainer/rescue person who we had a couple of sessions with. His advice re the toddler/dog situation was to put the dog down, as if something did go wrong then not only would it be a dreadful situation for us, but dreadful for staffies everywhere (another story for the papers etc, another crack in the BSL nonsense defence - I fully believe that BSL is bollocks and that the problem is not because he's a staff, but I'll talk about that in a moment). But I don't feel I can do it. In the meantime, any attempts to unite dog and DS are failing. DS is instructed to offer dog treats, to sit nicely and pet nicely, not to run up to dog, not to touch anything belonging to dog, etc. I make an effort for the dogs to be in the same room as DS as often as possible, but I am becoming worried for DS safety, as dog is really sounding at the end of his rope.

I honestly believe it is because the dog has been usurped from his position of 'first born'. The other dog displays no such issues, and is very fond of DS. The problem dog has always been the established top dog.

DH works away from home sometimes and has his biggest stint of the year coming up next month. He is away for a month, and I am petrified of how I will cope with this situation alone. It is so stressful.

In the first instance, does anyone know of a way in which I could find a foster carer for my dog, initially for this upcoming period, or is this unrealistic? He is fine with dogs smaller than himself and with older children (all children aside from DS it seems, in fact).

Can anyone offer any other advice or solutions? I think ultimately he will need rehoming, but I also know it's not that simple...

Jaffa, feel better now? Such a helpful post, thank you so much.

jaffa I can see your point and tried to put it forward earlier in thread (although no guns involved ). I think that the welfare of dog argument has become so blinkered that welfare of everyone else involved is dismissed. Bonkers

Sorry, was just on the bat-phone.

Seriously, another fucking emergency has cropped up and tomorrow morning I have to travel 300 miles across the country to deal with that (roof fallen in in our flat we rent out - thanks rain) so forgive me for not defending myself when being called irresponsible, stupid, etc. Luckily I have been on MN long enough to ignore the frothers. As I said before, I posted on the doghouse because I wanted advice from the various rescue workers and dog experts on this board regarding how to find a FOSTER HOME for my dog in the interim, and then REHOME him in the long run.

I have doors, they get closed, the babygate thing is neither here nor there really, I am keeping my son safe from my dog, they are never alone together, I am a responsible dog owner and parent. The reason it has taken me a while to come to this decision is because for the last fuck knows how many months I have been really fucking depressed - unable to make decisions, unable to cope with my emotions, in a really dark place. Now I have been on antidepressants for a few weeks, they are starting to work, I am trying to take control. The dog, btw, has been locked in the kitchen with the other dog for much of this time. The reason I mention the fucking dog's welfare is because that is no life for a dog. And I already said I can't live like this anymore for my son's sake - so what else do you want from me?

Go back to AIBU if you have nothing constructive to say!

And by the way, the dog is trained, I never could have predicted this, nor could anyone who knows him. He isn't vicious. I love him, and I will not apologise for that, but I love my son more, hence this thread.

Thanks to all those who have tried to help, because of this emergency I will now be unable to contact rescues as planned as I will be driving and sorting things out with my flat tomorrow, but I will try to make time tomorrow night. Great timing as DH is abroad this week. Fucking great.

No I don't feel better. The welfare of an animal should never, ever compromises the life and/or safety of a baby. No arguments.

What is the liklihood of a new home being found for op's dog. Given that there are 1000's of staffies who are friendly and non aggressive in dog rescues being put down because there is nowhere to rehome them, I would have thought that trying to find a home a known aggressive staffie being slim to nil? How long should OP wait until a new home arises?

Ok, so the dog can and will jump stairgates. Does that mean it can't be kept seperate from the child in the same house as it? No. If the dog is kept seperate from the child until it is rehomed, does that mean the child is still at risk? No.

Yep, any dog has the potential to be dangerous. It could be argued though (and often is the case) that it's the one's who don't growl that are the really dangerous ones. These are the dogs that just suddenly bite with 'no warning'. There's no doubt that this dog should have either been kept seperate from the child or something should have been done about it before this, but personally, I think it's a testament to the dog's good nature that it hasn't progressed beyond growling. If a person annoyed or upset me for two years, I'd probably have lost my temper/felt the need to defend myself before now.

Op not meaning that as a dig to you btw, just that my dm found herself in the same position you are in and had been waiting months (nearly a year) to rehome her dog. But neither the local dog rescues or specific breed rescues could help, they were either full or not willing to take on a known aggressive dog. My mum kept her dog in a separate room when she had grandkids in but it just took that one first time for the dog to escape.

Op just wanted to offer you my sympathy. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you to have to rehome your dog :(
I really think you're doing the right thing by rehoming him. I have a 2 year old myself and a pitbull-x who is a proper member of our family. But if I were in your situation I would do the same thing. Not just for the safety of my child, but for the well-being of my dog as well. Your dog sounds very stressed and having to constantly keep him separated from your family will probably only make that worse. I hope you find him a lovely home, with loads of space and a family that can give him loads of attention and cuddles.

I read the OP and was amazed at her casual attitude. She seems to think the situation is "not simple". Actually it is. Stop faffing about. Stop posting on MN. Pull your finger out and get rid of the dog. Yes she loves her dog, but more than her child? Crazy irresponsible parent. If she has PND she needs to get to the doc asap. And that's no excuse for not getting rid of the dog a long time ago.

The dog has shotgun now? Well OP never mentioned that. Of course that changes things entirely. The SAS really do need to be called.

theholygruel sorry to read about the roof of your rental falling in, is it because of the dire weather? I hope my posts haven't upset you, as I am aware that you are trying to rehome. And it must be hard as this is a dog whom you have as part of your family and it's not working out how you'd hoped. Im sorry about pnd (it's a fucking awful illness) and hope the tablets soon help and if they don't, go back as they're are several different types and it's not a case of one drug suits all. Is your dh able to do he 300 mile trip tomorrow for you (not so you can ring around rescues but so you can have a break). It sounds like you are trying to do it all and need a break. Have you any family or friends nearby who would have the dog for a few nights, or perhaps a mini holiday for the dog in some kennels? Unmumsnet hug

But the dog isn't known to be aggressive.... a dog that growls is not aggressive, it's communicating. What are they meant to do, blink their eyes five times?!

OP, good luck tomorrow and I hope everything gets sorted out ASAP. I'm not going to lie, something should have been done before it got to this stage, but it's obvious that you weren't in any position to cope with or deal with that and it's also obvious that you do care about your dog and are trying your best to do what is right for both him and your son. Good luck.

Do that made me smile gun totting doggie.. The cats will piss themselves now.

tulip that really wasn't very helpful re the pnd.

Thanks midori, mama, prepared.

It really ISN'T that simple.

No family/friends close by, had to move for DH's work.

Tulips I suggest you go and read all my posts, you're not going to get a rise out me.

It's not at all unusual for a family dog to dislike a child it sees as a threat to it getting your attention. That shows how little you know about dogs. You should have been aware of and prepared for this possibility as soon as you had your baby.

I know quite a lot about dogs actually.

My dogs were trained in various ways while I was pregnant to cope with the new baby. It worked with one dog, the other just didn't accept him. I have tried to resolve the situation RESPONSIBLY without resorting to rehoming/euthanasia. I saw the trainer last in March when he advised to have dog PTS due to the situation with dog/DS getting progressively worse.

I will stop now as I'm fairly sure you have never owned a dog so it is pointless trying to talk to you about why I didn't chase him out of my house the minute he sniffed my baby but well done for your helpful comments, I'm sure you feel much better after demonising me. Goodnight!

...but happy, healthy dogs don't growl at toddlers for no reason. Fair enough if a toddler is constantly pushing a dog's boundaries, dog needs to communicate his displeasure, but this doesn't sound like the case here.

OP, you sound incredibly stressed and sad about this and without knowing you I can imagine that this stress is not helping the pnd. This is no way for your family, or the dog, to live. Sometimes the pts option is kinder (for you and the dog) than putting a dog into any kind of limbo situation where his fate will be unknown. Occasionally these situations can be overcome by throwing money at them but that's not an option here. Ultimately, your kid needs a happy, healthy and relaxed mother...not one who is constantly on edge about dogs jumping over gates, shutting doors behind her, constantly keeping child and dog separated; I can't imagine how hard it must be to live like that...that's not what dog ownership should be like. I admire your determination and responsibility in wanting to find the dog a new home but, sadly, it might not be a realistic or feasible option .

I hope you feel better soon...do bug your doctor for a different Rx or dosage...you'll know when you find one that works for you (have been there).

Good Luck and (ordinary) hugs X.

I think deciding whether rehoming is realistic is best left to those who are experts in this field, eg. the rescues that those who are proactive in this area on this forum are helping the OP with. I don't think killing this dog is the solution.

But a) this dog isn't aggressive (towards humans anyway) and b) it's not dangerous. It has the potential to be dangerous, but so do all dogs.

The dog is seperate from the child and according to the OP is well trained, it just isn't comfortable with the OP's child. As the dog is seperate from the OP's child, then the child is not at risk.

The OP has made it clear that she is rehoming the dog, in fact she has even started another thread regarding that and several of the 'dogshaggers' you mention are helping her to do that.

I keep snakes. Just like dogs, it's possible to keep them away from small children, even if they have a habit of escaping.

solidgoldbrass 'dogshaggers', seriously get a grip, this is someones loved pet you are talking about!
Op is dealing with the situation, she wants to re-home the dog but you are spouting about killing it-quite obviously you have never owned a pet??
I hope things get better op and you find a way to sort this situation out that is in both your son's and dogs best interests.
You are doing the right thing all ready by keeping them apart but on mumsnet you will always get a few heartless flamers that sit behind a computer and insult you just because they can!
Maybe you could advertise your dog in the local paper, stating he needs a loving home with a childless couple/person?

OP was told in MARCH to have the dog put to sleep. 5 months ago. What has she been doing in that time seeing as she is only just thinking about rehoming? I think it's pure luck the dog has not attacked her child yet. She's being cruel to the dog by constantly keeping him locked up and in a state of tension around her child. And she is an irresponsible parent for putting her child at risk for MONTHS.

OP good luck. I'm sorry I attacked you personally yesterday. I feel shitty about that.

Midori, you're not helping the OP. You're making the whole thing sound bats.

Well I think she may have been suffering with PND, trying to hold everything together and find a way of keeping the dog from being PTS as well as keeping her child safe, which she clearly has done so far.

Calling someone an iresponsible parent when they are AT THIS VERY MOMENT asking for help with rehoming is pretty disgusting IMHO

As many people have said already, the dog growling DOES NOT MEAN IT IS GOING TO ATTACK THE CHILD.

It's letting the op know he is not happy about something.
If you say things like "my dog would never be allowed to growl at a child" you are being ridiculous. If you somehow discipline a dog not to growl, how else is he supposed to let you know when something is wrong?

The dog has not tried to attack the ops child.