Dog really hates toddler DS

[TheHolyGruel]

I have posted about this before. I have two dogs (staffs) and a toddler DS who is 20mo.

My older dog (male) really dislikes my DS. He growls at him constantly and it is just getting worse. We had problems with this dog being dog aggressive but this has been overcome somewhat by walking him on a muzzle and walking the dogs separately. The dog has been checked by a vet, other than a recent worm problem (now sorted) there is nothing wrong.

We sought advice from a dog trainer/rescue person who we had a couple of sessions with. His advice re the toddler/dog situation was to put the dog down, as if something did go wrong then not only would it be a dreadful situation for us, but dreadful for staffies everywhere (another story for the papers etc, another crack in the BSL nonsense defence - I fully believe that BSL is bollocks and that the problem is not because he's a staff, but I'll talk about that in a moment). But I don't feel I can do it. In the meantime, any attempts to unite dog and DS are failing. DS is instructed to offer dog treats, to sit nicely and pet nicely, not to run up to dog, not to touch anything belonging to dog, etc. I make an effort for the dogs to be in the same room as DS as often as possible, but I am becoming worried for DS safety, as dog is really sounding at the end of his rope.

I honestly believe it is because the dog has been usurped from his position of 'first born'. The other dog displays no such issues, and is very fond of DS. The problem dog has always been the established top dog.

DH works away from home sometimes and has his biggest stint of the year coming up next month. He is away for a month, and I am petrified of how I will cope with this situation alone. It is so stressful.

In the first instance, does anyone know of a way in which I could find a foster carer for my dog, initially for this upcoming period, or is this unrealistic? He is fine with dogs smaller than himself and with older children (all children aside from DS it seems, in fact).

Can anyone offer any other advice or solutions? I think ultimately he will need rehoming, but I also know it's not that simple...

Sorry to not have any advice but you know if anything happened to your ds you would never forgive yourself. Did the dog trainer not offer any exercises or other modes of training this behaviour out of him? In the meantime I would muzzle the dog

I'm afraid I can't help. We do have a dog but fine with the dc.

But I'd I were you I would re home the dog.

Dog isn't happy. And you can't relax with the baby and dog together.

Not worth the risk of your dog turning on your dc.

I live our dog to bits and couldn't imagine re homing her, but you have to out your child first and you have tried other avenues unsuccessfully.

Get rid of the dog. It's only a bloody dog and your child should take priority.

Sorry but this dog has a history of aggression and is a threat to your child. It's not a risk worth taking.

I'm afraid there is ONLY one solution... Rehome the dog (and although I will get flamed)... if the dog is too aggressive to be rehomed then have him put down.

Your DC are far more important than any dog.

Forget the top dog bollocks for a start. Dogs don't see packs like that. They work with each other and go on past learned experience. Somewhere along the way this dog has leaned either that DS is a threat or that behaving aggressively towards him will bring something good into his world or he is simply scared of him (most common cause of aggressive behaviour is fear)

You really need the advise of a good behaviourist, who can assess the dog and the cause of the aggression. It could be fear or learned behaviour, only seeing the dog in person will establish this. here is a good place to start looking.

In the meantime keep DS and the dog separate whenever they cannot be supervised completely using stair gates or crates, if necessary. Make sure DS knows to never approach the dog. Keep all supervised interaction calm and quiet. Don't have DS give the dog treats but you could give treats to the dog when DS is in the room only when the dog is behaving calmly and ignoring DS.

I think at DS's age, it is likely he is just too bloody bouncy and noisy for the dog

Foster carers will depend upon where you are in the country. It won't be easy, as you probably already know staffy rescues are over flowing. They are most over bred dog in the country.

solidgoldbrass - do you have a dog? The "it's only a dog" comment makes me think not...

TheHolyGruel - I presume you are keeping your ds and the dog separated at the moment? Why did the trainer feel the situation was irreparable? I don't have experience of this so can't really help but just wanted to say how sorry I am, I would hate to have to rehome either of my dogs :(

Absolutely you have to rehome the dog. Do not spend anymore time trying to get the dog to tolerate your DS

My DS is the same age as yours and we have a large dog, they play together with my constant supervision but I would never trust either off them 100%, my dog is a big softie who has never shown any aggression but your dog sounds completely different and you cannot put your son at risk.

I would never advocate rehoming unless you have exhausted every possibility but it sounds like you have, the poor dog must be very stressed and the damage that could be done to your DS is unimaginable

Oh and don't have DS approach or interact with the dog at all. Do not force the dog to be in the same room as DS. Give him the option to come into the room when DS is there with you, but also give him the option to flee if he needs to.

A growl is a warning that the dog is unhappy or uncomfortable with something. If you have been ignoring this and continuing to try and integrate them (which is understandable) then that is why the situation is escalating.

I am quite prepared to rehome the dog. I posted in the doghouse as I know that regulars on this board may have some contacts/knowledge that I could use to start this process, or of foster contacts for next month. We are in Bristol by the way.

The problem is that it will be nigh on impossible to rehome him, firstly as he is a staffy and rescues are flooded with them, and secondly because of the reason we need to rehome him.

The reason I find it hard to reconcile putting him down is because he is actually good with children (aside from DS, because DS 'replaced him' in his eyes) and actually he is a very loving, affectionate and loyal dog. The dog aggression is managed so that it doesn't impact upon DS (DS only comes on walks with both dogs if my DH has the problem dog, I have DS and other dog - although it is another reason I really need to find an interim solution as this won't be possible next month).

I think you're spot on witg the dog feeling 'replaced'. i know a dog feels like part of the family but obviously your ds must take priority here. Your dog will see ds as another dog. Hes growling to warn him. Given half a chance he will assert his authority in the only way he knows how. Please rehome your dog. Do you have a friend who could take him? A close friend had this same problem. She kept the dog in a large dog house outside in th end. The dog did eventually bite her dd, enough to break her skin (but not serious). She did the responsible thing and took her to hospital. Following this she was quizzed by hospital, social services and police got involved. She wasnt allowed to take dd home until the dog was destroyed or removed. Thankfully her mum took it. Follow up checks were made. The dog and her dd are fine together now that they are no longer in competition.

I wouldn't be able to relax in your postion, so I think in the short term I'd have to keep the dog and the DC completely separated with stair gates etc, and possibly muzzle the aggressive dog as well just in case the DC and dog do end up too close. Then, in all honesty, I'd look to rehome. I feel for you, I really do, and it would break my heart to have to rehome my dog, but this dog is telling you clearly that he is unhappy, he is warning you that his tolerance is deteriorating, and if things continue as they are your child could be hurt. I couldn't risk that.

Do you have a muzzle for the dog?

It is not because DS replaced him. I can guarantee that.

Northern Staffy Rescue Group

I, personally, would look at getting a better behaviourist in, before I rehomed. It doesn't sound like the other one helped you at all, if he couldn't even explain the cause of the aggression, which is not jealousy. The rescue group above might know of a decent trainer in your area, otherwise APDT are the place to start.

We had to rehome senior dog when ds2 came along. He kept bring aggressive towards him do had to go. Not easy but the only solution. Good luck.

Sorry just read you're struggling to rehome him. Have you contacted your local rspca for advice?

Hi D0oin, I cross posted with your first post and the ones subsequent to that.

We don't force the dog and DS together - dog is free to come and go, he chooses to sit on/next to me, and if DS gets too close (not even approaching him) he growls. He has always been like this with him, even when he was a mild, sitting, lovely little baby. Couldn't stand DS having attention from me, or so it seemed. It looks like jealousy to me.

We can't afford a behaviourist, the one we used was recommended by Val but he's not a behaviourist, rather a trainer and a rescue bod. He wanted to take our dog but couldn't because of his dog aggression issues, he had his dogs to think of - mostly large dogs, which are my dog's problems. He just felt it wasn't worth the risk for DS or for the reputation of staffies. Actually, he thinks that the dog is probably a pit, which complicates things further in terms of rehoming/rescue etc - but in no way do I feel it is an explanation for his behaviour towards DS, just to be clear. The trainer does lots of work saving pits and "type" dogs. I understand his POV.

DS and dog separated by babygates mostly. But as a poster above said, I just cannot relax in my own home. The dog can scale the babygates and frequently does. He has lots of attention and cuddles when DS is in bed. I am really looking for an avenue to rehome him, as I don't feel I can cope with this situation any longer. I understand, however, this may not be possible, but if anyone knows any rescue/foster contacts who may be able to help, I'd be glad of the support.

Is this a wind up? In case it's not:

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wtf are you thinking to even ask this? A rescue worker has told you to get rid of the dog because it is a nasty potential killer of toddlers, ffs. Just get rid of it! Now! It's an aggressive staffie who DOES NOT LIKE YOUR CHILD. This = danger. Staffies are big muscular animals who could maim or kill your small child and you need to be sure they are safe and of good temperament. You are sure this one is not safe and hates your lovely little boy! Don't hesitate- get rid of the dog! I'm surprised the rescue worker hasn't called the police actually. It should be a crime to knowingly keep a child-hating dog that has the potential to kill or maim, surely?

What a awful situation I really feel for you. My dog worships my ds 4 they are utterly inseparable, she has been climbed all over, her food taken and lord knows what and the dippy creature just stares at ds was adoration. So I have no personal advice but my neighbour had a similar issue and she used a canine therapist other than that I would suggest keeping them separate at all times and unfortunately rehome him. Have h looked into local shelters, where abouts are u?

x-posted with you again, D0oin, thanks, I will contact them.

The trainer couldn't give a reason, no, as he wasn't able to observe us at home. We went to him for sessions. It was more, really, to manage the dog aggression, and it was very effective for that. But we really cannot afford a behaviourist. You know that recent government "acceptable income for a couple and 1+ DC"? our income is half that. We are living hand to mouth. I can't afford new shoes for DS, let alone a dog behaviourist. If you know any willing to offer charity please let me know!

Holy, I really hope that you can find someone to help. Is he an old dog?

Op I agree with you and posters here. Dog needs rehoming if possible.

do so you'd take responsibility for this child's welfare around a dog that is agressive consistently towards him? you can guarantee the cause of the dogs behaviour without even knowing the dog? and rather scary too

If he thinks it's a pit then get rid. I'm a dog person but you don't want DS to become a statistic surely. It's so sad for you I know that but you have to be responsible here. Your DS needs you to do this for him.

I would certainly keep them separate, and not encourage your DS to try to interact with the dog if he's not responding well. Don't try to force things, not with a small child, it isn't worth the risk.

Not sure about the dog being 'jealous', feeling 'replaced' etc though - do dogs really think like that, or are those human emotions we've projected on to them? Not that I have a better explanation, but I agree with the advice to try another behaviourist if possible, it sounds like the first one was spectacularly unhelpful!

I think you're right unfortunately that rehoming will not be easy for this dog/situation. Where did the dog come from originally - breeder or rescue? Any possibility they could help?

scummy, the rescue worker call the police?! Oh dear. As I mentioned twice above, the dog is fine with other children, just not DS. Our other staffy loves DS, she is one of the big softies/dippy ones Mama1980 above and other posters talk about.

We are in Bristol if anyone knows anyone/rescues who can help. Thanks.