Dog really hates toddler DS

[TheHolyGruel]

I have posted about this before. I have two dogs (staffs) and a toddler DS who is 20mo.

My older dog (male) really dislikes my DS. He growls at him constantly and it is just getting worse. We had problems with this dog being dog aggressive but this has been overcome somewhat by walking him on a muzzle and walking the dogs separately. The dog has been checked by a vet, other than a recent worm problem (now sorted) there is nothing wrong.

We sought advice from a dog trainer/rescue person who we had a couple of sessions with. His advice re the toddler/dog situation was to put the dog down, as if something did go wrong then not only would it be a dreadful situation for us, but dreadful for staffies everywhere (another story for the papers etc, another crack in the BSL nonsense defence - I fully believe that BSL is bollocks and that the problem is not because he's a staff, but I'll talk about that in a moment). But I don't feel I can do it. In the meantime, any attempts to unite dog and DS are failing. DS is instructed to offer dog treats, to sit nicely and pet nicely, not to run up to dog, not to touch anything belonging to dog, etc. I make an effort for the dogs to be in the same room as DS as often as possible, but I am becoming worried for DS safety, as dog is really sounding at the end of his rope.

I honestly believe it is because the dog has been usurped from his position of 'first born'. The other dog displays no such issues, and is very fond of DS. The problem dog has always been the established top dog.

DH works away from home sometimes and has his biggest stint of the year coming up next month. He is away for a month, and I am petrified of how I will cope with this situation alone. It is so stressful.

In the first instance, does anyone know of a way in which I could find a foster carer for my dog, initially for this upcoming period, or is this unrealistic? He is fine with dogs smaller than himself and with older children (all children aside from DS it seems, in fact).

Can anyone offer any other advice or solutions? I think ultimately he will need rehoming, but I also know it's not that simple...

Whilst I agree with Dooins advice, I think in this case, it's a complete no brainer.
Please get rid of the dog before it attacks your toddler. The damage a dog (any dog, I'm not tarring staffies here) can do do a toddler is terrifying.
You know the dogs feeling towards your dc, so face up to it and accept that you need to act for your child's safety. Please, before you regret it.

But dooin - don't you have children yourself? Why would you do that?

And I'm afraid, in this situation, despite being a dog lover, I would have the dog pts.

Poor OP, this is a really tough situation. But you have to rehome the dog.
Sorry,

I'm so sorry you're in this position, OP. I got my Staffie after my family was complete so he is 'the baby' and is putty in my children's hands.

As much as I adore my boy - and I really do - if he became distressed and showed aggression to my children I would try to rehome him, even if that meant having him put down.

I couldn't take the risk that he might bite - I'd feel this way about any dog but especially a strong Staffie's jaws.

It must be terrible for you to have this tension and guilt. A friend of mine had to have her dog PTS due to his stress aggression with children and she was devastated. But it was the responsible thing to do.

If you are worried the dog will attack your DS then something has to be done pretty quickly. The risk is just quite simply not worth taking. And to be honest quite terrifying.

I don't have any toddlers nor do I plan on ever having anymore. More dogs I can cope with, more toddlers would give me nightmares

OP has said the dog is fine with children, just not her own toddler. Both of mine are very dog savvy and know to never, ever approach any dog, not even their own pet dogs.

My home really is not right for this dog, in the sense that I have my own dogs with their own issues I need to work on and owing to working several billion hours a week I am struggling to find the time to dedicate to this as it is without taking in another problem dog however if OP cannot find a rescue willing to help I will shuffle things around and help, rather than seeing a healthy dog pts for lack of a good or better home.

"Ephiny - I have a 'jealous' dog. My rescue greyhound can't see me, DH or DD fussing another dog without coming over and trying to push the other dog out of the way. Luckily she is the softest dog in the world, just very needy."

Oh yes, I have one of those too! I guess you could call that jealousy, I was thinking more of the idea that a dog would be persistently aggressive or growly towards to a child because they were 'jealous' at having been replaced in their owners emotions or demoted to a lower 'status' in the family. To me that sounds more like a human way of thinking than a dog one.

It does seem odd though, especially if the dog is good with other children...

Thank goodness for some voices of reason!

Queen of Jack- yes, yes, any kitten or chiwawa or gerbil might become a killer but that doesn't mean that you should fail to react to 7 million alarm bells and fail to rehome or put down a snarling staffie who hates your toddler.

Love dogs. But oh my God, get it out of your house right now!

Mamamaia has exactly the right response to this. He is a danger, this is your top priority. You can do this in all concience. If a dog trainer feels there is no way forward then it's time to only think of the safety of your son.

I used to work in A&E and one of my jobs was sewing up dog bite. I agree, staffies are not the only dogs that bite (collies seem surprisingly bitey) but the VERY worst injury I saw was a little boy with half his ear totally torn off by an enraged staffie. He had the skin torn up his neck. The dog was trying to rip his throat out. Thank god the uncle was there.

Please, get rid of this dog right away and do not allow yourself to feel guilt about it.

Yes, but if it was 'jealousy' the dog would not not allow anyone else near the OP and she has said this is not the case. It sounds as though the dog has somehow learnt to view the child, this particular child, as a threat that OP and itself needs protecting from.

MamaMaisaura, well that's fucking ridiculous, seeing as humans can talk - you know, that thing that dogs cannot do. Can you hear yourself?

Well done Dooin, as ever.

OP I have a few rescue friends near to Bristol. I shall ask around.

Yy Toutou!

Went off-thread to contact the people D0oin recommended. I have been passed around a bit but eventually advised to email a chap who runs the rescue most local to us. I will do this shortly.

Sorry, he doesn't snarl, well it's almost snarling I guess, he isn't leaping around like a hyena or anything though, just mainly growling and being very irate.

I am looking to rehome him. This isn't working for us anymore.

I am reluctant to try and rehome him via Gumtree etc as he is a blue staffy and often these are coveted by people who really shouldn't have dogs.

He is a beautiful looking dog, neutered, age 5, likes to chase cats (has lived with them before, plus was best friends with a guinea pig before he died) and is fine with dogs smaller than himself. The dog aggression only rears itself when he is on the lead, which unfortunately is always as he is very "independent" - he is fine with dogs in a controlled environment offlead but can be unpredictable with dogs bigger than himself.

I agree that he would need to go to a home with adults/teens. He is very affectionate, an overgrown lapdog. It is very sad for us to have come to this decision but it can't go on like this. I have been scared for my DS too many times.

Off to email the rescue now. Any more rescue/foster contacts please let me know.

My dog wriggles between me and other dogs if I'm fussing them, and has been known to try and squeeze between me and DH if we're having a cuddle on the sofa However, I don't think it's jealousy, more checking that there is no fighting iyswim. Certainly when DH and I are cuddling, the dog shows lots of appeasement signs (yawns, licks his lips, bum wags at 100mph, ears dropped etc). I always think he's saying 'Oooh, don't fight! No fighting! Let's all be friends!' etc. To his doggy brain, any physical contact might be threatening I suppose. But I'm no expert and am only reporting what I see and think is his motivation.

www.dogpages.org.uk/sth-west.htm

Thanks for the support, sorry it's taking me a while to respond to posts, someone above asked if he has a muzzle, yes he does which he wears on walks as it helps control his dog aggression.

Thanks LtEve, that's really helpful.

D0oin, he loves our other staffy, they get on great.

higgle, sorry to hear of your old staffy, that must be very hard for you.

To everyone that has shown sympathy for me in this situation, thank you. It is not a decision we have reached easily. I am heartbroken, of course. This has caused me a lot of stress and anxiety. I feel I am only able to cope with reaching out to rehome him now as I am now on antidepressants which helps me cope with the emotional side of things a bit better. I am trying to be pragmatic and of course my son is my priority. I have been trying to make it work for so long and I don't feel anyone is benefitting from how things are now.

I can't get him out of the house "right now" as it just isn't that simple to rehome, and I don't think it's fair to PTS as he is healthy and a good dog in other respects. I will continue to manage the situation as best I can by keeping them separate, until I can find help. But I do need that help now. It's been a long time coming.

Thanks, scummy. I am looking for a no kill rescue, can anyone advise on any of the ones scummy has linked?

We have a rescue dog - not a staffie or similiar though have had a staffie from a pup in the past that was great with kids but never left alone with them still.

Our dog now is a medium sized cross breed more collie type than anything else and he is quite growly around children and backs away from them. We dont know his history but presume he has been tormented by children possibly. He has definitely been beaten as he cowers terribly if you pick anything up that could remotely be seen as a stick. e.g. a sweeping brush, vacuum extension rod, a shovel, any of my DHs tools - hammers and so forth.

We have made a gated area in our garden for when the DGCs come to the house. The second they arrive he goes in it , we take no chances whatsoever , it only takes a split second to end up with the most awful lifelong consequences. The dog has water,shade,shelter and a bed in his little 'compound' but most of all my DGCs are safe.

As the DGCs get older - and l have started to do this with my eldest aged 9 now - l will start to let the dog stay in the house when they come but tell them you must ignore the dog completely (he is never pro-actively aggressive iyswim only defensively so) or he will have to go out in his little compound.
I have noted that with my eldest DGS the dog is fine in this scenario and seems really relaxed around him as long as he ignores him. The dog seems to prefer to go to him iyswim and now l can even let my grandson give him treats and a pat etc under supervision. l still wouldnt leave him alone with him though.

Trouble is you cant rely on younger DCs to stick to instructions as they just want to pat the dog etc and dont understand or forget or could even fall on him. So unless it's only one DC in house and of an age to follow the 'rules' then out he goes into his safe place for now l'm afraid. I have been criticised by dog lovers for this strategy of mine and told it will compound the dogs dislike of children. But am afraid my DGCs safety is not up for negotiation firstly and secondly it would be unfair to the dog to have him destroyed if anything happened when it could have been avoided.

Well one of mine is staffy sized and the other is a very small iggy/whippy x (we think, one vet is now convinced she is just an iggy, one day I will I have a dog of known breed ), so my dogs should not present a problem, but as I mentioned earlier my home is not the right home because right now I do not have the time to dedicate to properly working with another problem dog. It is a better home. I don't have very small children and I am willing to help if you cannot find anywhere more suitable soon enough and it comes down to having to look at the pts option, which is clearly not what you want.

I only really work with two rescues close to me, which is not close to you.

Doris Banham favour Staffies and if they cannot help they may know of somewhere that can.

You sound very sensible to me, Mind. I don't really see how you can be criticised for managing a difficult situation for your dog...well .

Oh sorry OP - x posts sorry l see you have decided to have him rehomed. It is very sad and l agree staffies do have a bit of an unfair reputation. But as in my post l had no trouble with the staffie l had but am having it with this cute harmless looking cross.So you are right - it's not always down to the breed.

It is such a shame you cant keep them outside as l do with mine - or just the one dog, but then that wouldnt be fair to seperate them l suppose. Plus my situation is simpler because we dont have any DCs living with us full time. I think if we did we would probably have to reach same conclusion as you with our dog.
I am sure you will find a good home and you are doing the right thing for your little boy. Sorry l know it's so for you all the same.

OP just coming on to add some support. You are obviously sensible, and I dont think all this shreiking "Oh my god get this dog out of your house NOW" is very helpful, and I'd also discount any opinions or advice from people who talk of "pack" and "dominance" as they clearly do not know what they are talking about.

My SBT went through a similar, albeit less intense, phase with our DS1. It lasted from when he started toddling so was pretty unsteady on his feet and a bit unpredicatable with his movements for about 7 months. During that time we just allowed her to take herself away upstairs whenever she wanted. Think she was just a bit skittish about this 'thing' that went from not being able to move much to zooming about and it just freaked her out a bit.

FWIW I think you have acted like a very responsible owner, and parent. You made a commitment to the dog and are doing your best by him. If more people did that rather than knee jerk "get rid NOW" "OMG he will EAT your DS kill him NOW" etc then we'd have a lot less dogs in rescue.

I hope it all works out for you and dog.

I disagree that "get rid NOW" is a knee jerk reaction in this case. This is a long-term situation and TheHolyGruel has been advised by a rescue worker that the dog a danger to her child and should be put to sleep.

Thank you Chicken. Yes some people - unofficial doggie 'experts' mainly say that my poor poor 'neglected' dog will start to associate children with being locked away in his little 'prison' and therefore 'dislike' them even more.

Maybe so, but in my limited knowledge of dogs, one thing l do know is they live in the moment.

So to imagine my dog is lying there stewing a deep resentment towards children and planning a terrible revenge on the first of my small DGCs he gets half a chance to get at - seems ridiculous to me.

But no matter how many times l do this cruel locking away thing - his little tail still wags like mad next time he sees them .