VERY STRESSED! Considering whether or not to give our rescue dog back

[OoohMrCoyne]

Hi folks, I'm very stressed and haven't stopped crying since 8am this morning. I'm in a real state and I need some advice...

5 weeks ago we adopted a recue dog, a Chihuahua (with about a 1/4 JRT). Most of the time, when he is at home with me during the daytime he is lovely, very affectionate cuddly little lap dog. Exactly as I'd hoped for. He has become very attached to me and my DD. He's OK, but less affectionate, with my DH and DS.

BUT:

1. He is aggressive with other dogs, which means I can't take him on walks to places where other dogs are off lead, or on the school run (because I can't tie him up next to the other dogs). It's really limiting where we can go. We live in a town, so there are lots of dogs around. When we meet one he goes into mad dog mode: barking, bites his lead, nips me if I get close enough. Its awful and really stressful.

2. He is really weird about being touched if you are trying to put a lead on or off, a collar or harness on. Basically any kind of touching with 'things'. Because of 3) below, we HAVE to have a lead on him at all times, even in the house. This morning he managed to get his harness partly off, so the lead was no longer secure. It took me half an hour to get another lead on his collar and then the lead off the harness. In doing so, he snarled, nipped and eventually bit me. I can't clean his eyes, wipe him, put a coat on when it's cold, nothing....

3. He is aggressive with vistors to our house. We are open-plan, which makes it really hard to deal with. I have to open the door with his lead held tightly at arms length for the postman/courier (meanwhile hes in mad dog mode wanting to bite them). Its a right palaver if the visitor is actually staying. We have a routine in place to deal with this. But I know some of my friends (with DCs) are feeling concerned about this and not wanting to come round. I'm starting to worry about my DCs playdates too.

The result of the above is:

My DS won't play downstairs any more because he's frightened.

Both DC's arent keen on going on dog walks because of incidents with other dogs. It scares them.

Both DCs are missing out on playdates at home, because I don't want their friends being nipped.

I'm actually quite scared of interacting with collar/lead etc. Its ridiculous that I can't deal with my own dog, but I just CAN'T - I don't like being bitten!

My DH says that this just isn't how we thought dog ownership would be and I'm sorry to say that he's right... It makes me cry to admit it.

On the one hand I love my cuddly little house-dog... I really do adore him. But I also feel very stressed (actually we are ALL pretty stressed) and can't face 14-18 years of this...

We have looked into getting help from a behaviouarlist, but its really expensive and money is very very tight.

Just don't know what to do for the best...

Where did you rehome him from? Can you contact them for help?

Yes some rescues will offer support with behavioural issues if you find you're struggling once you get the dog home. Also if there's a possibility he'll have to go back, it's probably better for them to know sooner rather than later.

Did he come from a proper rescue or a pound? Most reputable Rescues will offer support with problems like this. Did they do an assessment of him? Did they warn you about any of his issues? If not, and you decided to rehome, please do it via a more responsible one.

But in the first instance get him a crate! A small one, make it all den like and a lovely place of refuge. Do loads of training to help him be happy and settled in there.

Have you done any clicker training? This is a really good way of helping with the handling problems, goodness knows what the poor thing must have been through. There are lots of helpful vids on youtube and internet guides.

One of my small dogs (he's about Chihuahua sized) is not fond of other dogs and the key to helping him was to get him much more focused on me when we were out by doing training games in the park, so although he still isn't fond of other dogs he doesn't go looking for trouble.

Also is he insured? If so a behaviourist may be covered, you'd need to be referred by his Vet.

But whatever you do it's not going to be fixed overnight, you have to be prepared to be in it for the long haul, so if you can't give it your full commitment then you need to make the decision as soon as possible.

I've phoned for help from the rescue several times. We actually took him in on Sunday to have the harness put ON (thinking it might be better as he is so sensitive about his neck). They had to muzzle him and it took 2 experienced volunteers about 10 minutes to get the blasted thing on him. So I haven't got a hope in hell of getting it OFF without a struggle and a major bite.

They suggested using a slip lead instead, but he still needs a lead on in the house so I can answer the door. I'm not confident about 'lassooing' him every time he freaks out at the door. And I can't leave one of those on, as a greater risk of accident.

The rescue have been ok on the phone, but I'm not finding the advice is working for us. For example, they think he's got 'too big for his boots', hence all the aggression, so I'm not supposed to carry him ever and he's not allowed on the furniture or on our laps too much. Their approach is very different, they work with dogs all the time and they are much more confident at using the muzzle ec.

But the whole point in having a dog was for us to LOVE it, cuddle on the sofa, feel at ease in its company, go on family outings etc. It's just NOT as we expected and I feel really sad. I know loads of people with dogs who do the things I just listed... that's all I wanted. Not a snappy aggressive thing which cant be trusted near my DC and our friends, which I can't walk near other dogs. I can't even open my own front door without an 'incident'.

Sooooo stressed.

Bit disappointed at poor response to this thread too...

Crossposted with Mothership.... Sorry about my winge on the last line there.

The trouble is, whilst I might have been up for 'the long haul' I don't have a support network around me. My DH has been wanting to take him back from week 2 (separate post on this), my parents are not keen and one by one my friends are dropping off too...

I just don't know if I have the strength and I HATE the fact that he upsets/scares my DCs. My DS wont even play downstairs any more for heavens sake.

To answer your question: he was in a pound, then the rescue centre for less than a week. They said he was ok with children and other dogs. I questioned this on Sunday, apparently he was kennelled with a JRT and ok on walks with other dogs. But he barked like hell most f the time he was there on Sunday! I do feel that we didn't know what we were taking on... They seem to think that his aggression has come out since he's settled into his new home. Which is awful: we've done nothing but love him.

The rescue sounds utterly irresponsible rehoming an agressive dog to a home with children.

On some level I can sort of see their point about some of the tendencies not coming out until he'd been home a while, I have a dog who has issues with other dogs, but although this was known when I got him (he was a guide dog) the extent of these issues didn't become fully apparent until he had fully bonded with me.

But it's not normal to have a dog that has to be kept on a lead at all times for fear of what he might do when someone comes to the front door.

I second the idea of getting him a crate that he can go into rather than being kept on a lead all the time, also I would go and see the vet and see if you can get a referral to a behaviorist.

But to be honest if it was ruining my life to the extent this dog seems to be, I would be inclined to rehome, but not through the rescue you got him from as they clearly don't have a clue.

Don't feel bad about him getting worse with you, it's not uncommon for dogs to be on best behaviour to start with. Have you had dogs before? Also remember how humans express affection is not necessarily seen that way by dogs.

How old are your DC? I think the level of this little dog's problems are too severe to be managed in a home with children. He really needs to be in a child free home with experienced owners.

Are you obliged to take him back to the rescue you got him from? If not, I would look into finding a better one and be very, very clear with them about his issues. Small dogs often get snapped up very quickly so it's really important that the next family know absolutely what they are taking on.

Please don't let this put you off rescuing but remember that not all rescues are equal so you need to find a good one.

Yes I do have to take him back to the same rescue centre. I don't think they are 'bad' as such. And it would be true to say that his unpleasant traits have developed since he's settled in and bonded with me. For the first week he was OK with visitors, he only started 'guarding' the house in week 2.

We have decided to go on Sunday to have another chat with the rescue centre and ask them to take the harness OFF again (I dont see why I should get bitten again!). I think we will be saying that we are concerned and he's most definately 'on probation'.

We had a very bad morning today and I was really upset at the prospect of rehoming him. Of course he's behaved impeccably since and has been really sweet and affectionate all day (do you think they KNOW?!).

My DCs are 9 and 5, both very sensible. My DS is 5 and he does noisy/jumping type play upstairs only (dog does not go upstairs). I'm alse very 'on the ball' and I never leave the dog with them alone, just in case.

I had a soppy, gentle Golden Retriever when I was growing up, who lived to 14 years, I loved her to bits and she never behaved like this at all (which is probably partly why I'm so upset).

Have calmed down a bit now, was probably in shock earlier from the bite / stress.

Some people I have spoken to have said that 5 weeks is still very early days and we need to give him more time. We don't have the money for a behaviouralist, but we did get 4 weeks free Petplan, which we have just extended (the rescue ticket the box confirming NO aggressive issues!). So I thought we'd wait a month or so and THEN get a referral

I understand how (over time) we can deal with other dogs / visitors, but has anyone got more ideas of how to deal with not letting me clip his lead on/off and take off the harness?

Sorry: re:crate.
We have got a crate, which we have intoduced him only a week ago as a nice comfy space. He goes in it of his own accord now, but we have never actually shut him in it yet.
On a practical level, how does the crate help? Sorry to be thick, are you suggesting I put him in it when someone knocks at the door? GULP: cant see how I'd do that.

We have a JRT and they can be odd with harnesses, although collars don't work with them IME because they pull and hurt their throats. Ours haven't bitten but we certainly have to be careful when touching their front legs.

Regarding the lead, what is he like with treats? Could you do the lead as a 2-person job, your DP holds a treat and gets dog to sit, while you do the lead? Ours is hypnotised by food!

I would leave the harness on for a few weeks while the dog settles in, once you get better with the lead you can try with the harness. My DSis was looking after our old dog once and got a jumper stuck on him... she didn't dare get it off!

I agree a crate is a good idea, you can shut them in so the DC can come downstairs, and it helps the dog feel secure.

Also, does it have toys? I know nothing about chihuahuas but JRTs really need balls, chewsticks, plastic toys etc to have a good old chew on and keep themselves entertained.

Finally, I would do what the rescue say regarding keeping off the sofa etc until you've sorted these problems. The dog is getting to know you, just because you can't have him on the sofa now doesn't mean you never will. Good luck...

You lure the dog to the crate with treats, then shut and latch the door, then ignore the barking :) He can't be allowed to be aggressive to people, you've got to be able to have visitors.

Every time ours goes to her crate we say "bed time", she comes over for her treat, then runs into the crate. Sometimes she wants to come straight out again, but she's where we need her!

She does love her crate, she sits in it with the door open loads.

Right - OK re: crate for expected visitors - so how do I deal with the front door for posties/courier/food delivery man? Any practical suggestions?

I didn't mean that OohMrC, I meant: doorbell goes, you say "bedtime" waving treat", dog goes to crate lured by treat, answer door.

We went through a big patch of "Oh god, what have we done" with our Black Lab Pup. We loved him, but he wouldn't stop pulling on the lead to the point that he was wrecking my back, he kept bowling my DC over, he wouldn't stop jumping up and as he was already big (now bordering on huge) we desperately wanted to control it... the list went on and on, or at least it felt like it.

After a ton of research on line, all of which was depressing because nothing seemed to be working my DH picked up "Breaking Bad Habits in Dogs" by Colin Tennant which not only has focussed chapters on solving specific problems but explains how dogs learn and where the problems come from, in our case from a dominant puppy that we were letting, without realising it, get away with it.

The horrible hound as he is now affectionately know has improved a great deal, (my DH only howled "he's got to go!" once last month) but there is still work to do and the problems come back as soon as we drop the ball. This means treating him like a dog who needs to understand that he is the lowliest member of the pack, rather than a little human.

Hope you find a solution.

Just saw your post re. crate. I call out "just a minute" loudly, crate the dog, or these days confine him behind a baby gate and open the door.

The book I mentioned also suggest having hooks around the house to hook the dogs lead onto and to give the dog a tasty titbit every time you do it so they associate the doorbell and being hooked with something nice.

The point of the crate is to shut him in when you need to!

So if your DC have friends over then he can be safe and happy and so can the kids! My first dog was really nippy and over excitable when she was a puppy and my DC were 4 & 6 then, so when the kids were running around Pepper was in her crate, happily chewing a kong or similar.

If you teach him to go in his crate when you tell him you'll be able to send him there when someone knocks without handling him.

Please look into clicker training, it is really good fun and really effective with handling/lead issues.

but I'm sure 5 mins looking would find a better one.

In all honesty I would be thinking of returning him to the rescue - or possibly getting in touch with another reputable one and asking them to help you negotiate this? It sounds like you have a dog who is aggressive to you and to other dogs and is impacting your life and that of your children. Dog ownership does not have to be that way. I just don't think this is the dog for you. For the dogs sake he needs a different sort of home.

I think you know the answer - you have tried help from the rescue etc and i think for both humans and the dog he needs to go back :( I am not jumping in with a get rid of him, but you have tried some different thing and asked for help, we have 3 rescue dogs ourselves but we could not cope with the behaviour your dog is showing you :( sorry

The Dog Whisperer is brilliant for training tips. I'm sure you can watch past episodes online.

Something you said before made me think... are you handling him a lot? He shouldn't be handled if he's being aggressive. Find treats he likes and get him to follow you, then when he's where you want him, give him the treat.

Dogs are extraordinarily hard work. YOu have a young dog in newish surroundings. What training classes are in your area? A good trainer should be able to help you out with quite a lot of issues. Has the dog still got puppy teeth? Is it mouthing or actually biting? Does the dog like treats, or toys? I can't tie my dogs up next to other dogs on the school run either. Most dogs don't like it. Why do you carry your dog? When you pick your dog up, what are you teaching it? If you're out on a walk and you pick up your dog when you see another one, you are actually teaching your dog to be afraid, be very afraid, of other dogs.
A Kong with the inside smeared with peanut butter is a lovely treat. The crate should be a place of refuge, not a prison.
With the leads and harnesses and anything else you want to put on your dog, you need to make sure the dog doesn't feel threatened. You could leave the equipment lying near the food bowl, and handle it and drop treats to show that you are not a threat, even with a harness. In time the dog will put his head through the hole in anticipation of a treat.
Your vet may understand dogs, or may have a nurse who does. There are dog magazines out there which might be helpful. All the people who write for them also practice their dog specialities and are contactable.
I hope you get the help you need! Dogs can be awful until we know how to behave. That's our responsibility, not theirs!

Blimey! Sounds awful.

I'm not a dog person ( ok o perhaps I should bog off!). But my sister rehomed a part jack Russell dog fom a pn overindulgent home. He wad not as bad as your dog but eventually got more and more so till one day he but my neice (8 then) on the cheek because she was lying on " his" bed ( ie my sisters bed- he want allowed on it but was still territorial about it). She's ok but don't wait till he hurts someone. He's already bitten you.

( some of your saga is exactly the same- having to have a triling lead all te time indoors, haing a harness etc)

This dog is clearly a lot more work than you signed up for! And it's all very well the rescue saying that these problems have only become apparent since he went home with you, but they only had him for a week (and not in a home by the sounds of it?), and if they had him for longer they would have discovered the problems themselves.

I agree that you shouldn't remove the harness yourself, and should get them to do it. You don't want to get bitten again.

I agree with the suggestions for crate training. I would take it slowly though because you want it to be a safe place where he is happy to go. You could also get a pet gate to shut off a room where he can be when you have visitors.

When we got our second rescue dog, we had a phase of wondering what we had let ourselves in for. I'm pleased to report that it worked out well for us but of course every dog and situation is different. The first time the dog growled and snapped at me I was really upset (he didn't actually bite).

When we got him, he hated to be touched on his paws or anywhere near his back end, and hated to be groomed (he has long fur that needs regular grooming). We got him used to it very gradually with lots of treats and 'good boy' for good behaviour. Now he even likes to be groomed but in the early days I would always try and stop well before he had chance to get fed up with it.

I think all the problems you have can probably be fixed, but it will take time and consistency, and a good behaviourist who uses positive training will really help.

Persevere with the crate. I used one for our then puppy for about a year; she found it reassuring, I found it a lifesaver for busy times- guests, deliveries etc. I used to put her in it when we went out or for long journeys in the car.

No practical advice except *DO NOT USE "The (so-called) Dog Whisperer" Cesar Milan. His methods are ridiculous, outdated and downright cruel.