VERY STRESSED! Considering whether or not to give our rescue dog back

[OoohMrCoyne]

Hi folks, I'm very stressed and haven't stopped crying since 8am this morning. I'm in a real state and I need some advice...

5 weeks ago we adopted a recue dog, a Chihuahua (with about a 1/4 JRT). Most of the time, when he is at home with me during the daytime he is lovely, very affectionate cuddly little lap dog. Exactly as I'd hoped for. He has become very attached to me and my DD. He's OK, but less affectionate, with my DH and DS.

BUT:

1. He is aggressive with other dogs, which means I can't take him on walks to places where other dogs are off lead, or on the school run (because I can't tie him up next to the other dogs). It's really limiting where we can go. We live in a town, so there are lots of dogs around. When we meet one he goes into mad dog mode: barking, bites his lead, nips me if I get close enough. Its awful and really stressful.

2. He is really weird about being touched if you are trying to put a lead on or off, a collar or harness on. Basically any kind of touching with 'things'. Because of 3) below, we HAVE to have a lead on him at all times, even in the house. This morning he managed to get his harness partly off, so the lead was no longer secure. It took me half an hour to get another lead on his collar and then the lead off the harness. In doing so, he snarled, nipped and eventually bit me. I can't clean his eyes, wipe him, put a coat on when it's cold, nothing....

3. He is aggressive with vistors to our house. We are open-plan, which makes it really hard to deal with. I have to open the door with his lead held tightly at arms length for the postman/courier (meanwhile hes in mad dog mode wanting to bite them). Its a right palaver if the visitor is actually staying. We have a routine in place to deal with this. But I know some of my friends (with DCs) are feeling concerned about this and not wanting to come round. I'm starting to worry about my DCs playdates too.

The result of the above is:

My DS won't play downstairs any more because he's frightened.

Both DC's arent keen on going on dog walks because of incidents with other dogs. It scares them.

Both DCs are missing out on playdates at home, because I don't want their friends being nipped.

I'm actually quite scared of interacting with collar/lead etc. Its ridiculous that I can't deal with my own dog, but I just CAN'T - I don't like being bitten!

My DH says that this just isn't how we thought dog ownership would be and I'm sorry to say that he's right... It makes me cry to admit it.

On the one hand I love my cuddly little house-dog... I really do adore him. But I also feel very stressed (actually we are ALL pretty stressed) and can't face 14-18 years of this...

We have looked into getting help from a behaviouarlist, but its really expensive and money is very very tight.

Just don't know what to do for the best...

I have to say pretty poor show if he's gone back to a kennel environment.

Pretty poor show?
From whom?

Ha! I MN on my iPhone, but it does tend to do the floppy round thing when Im fetal...

Have just packed all his stuff away. Done a bit more crying... Still can't eat.

DS is almost gleeful - the relief on his face when he came home and realised Bertie really HAD gone was... well... an odd mix of confirmation we'd done the right thing and feeling upset that DS was so matter of fact about it.

DD was upset though. I asked her to help me wash his bowls up and she said " no it's too sad, I just want to be alone in my room for a bit ".

Once I've scraped myself up off the floor and had a rest, I'll start the search again. But it's really not that easy finding a rescue dog - so many people after the 'best' ones... Bertie was dog number 12 I've applied for since October. I didn't mention it here, but dog number 11 was a successful application for a Yorkshire Terrier.... She ran out in the road and got squashed the day before our home check :-@ So it does seem a bit like our dog search is like a medieval quest...

Willowisp - please don't make me feel any worse than I do already.

I signed a document which stated he HAD to go back there. I had a LONG conversation with them this morning and felt he'd be OK there. I have been calling them for advice regularly, so they knew he was an issue. They had one month and two month check-ups by the home checker booked in. She phoned me last night as well.

As kennels go, it's a good one - indoor and heated. The staff there were very good with us and seemed genuinely sorry it hadn't worked out.

:-((

Coyne - please don't feel you have to explain yourself any further. The wee dog was a risk to your children, and you did the sensible thing in taking him back to the rescue shelter.

Anyone who thinks the safety of their children comes second place to a bad tempered dog with behavioural problems needs their head examined.

I agree pictish - move on now Coyne - you did exactly the right thing for everyone.

you were not at fault in any of this palava. It was the pound/rescue pure and simple. This dog obviously hadnt been thoroughly checked out and you got a dog that isnt suitable (at the moment) for family life.

I am so sorry that you had this experience, but hopefully you will rescue again - and receive a properly socialised, family dog.

There are plenty of dogs that need a home, they are fostered within a family and good with kiddies.

If I were you I would make sure that you make friends with some people who have well behaved dogs and make sure your DS isnt scared of ALL dogs now.

good luck.

well I disagree, it's absolutely your fault & whilst I'm very sorry it didn't work out, the breed cross dog you had is displaying typical behaviours.

You should have researched more. My mum recently homed a poodle which had severe anxiety problems. She rehomed him after 4 days - like you she did no research on their personality traits - its no good choosing on a dog on it's look or a whim & it's unfair on the dog. Fortunately she had the sense to take the advise of a breed rescue & he is now in an experienced poodle foster home with someone who is taking the time to work with him.

You're an adult with a wealth of information at your fingertips, if you can't be bothered to put the work in, don't have an animal. Period.

pictish I am not suggesting she put the dog first, I am suggesting suggested breed rescue not a kennel environment. Sounds like a crap rescue & it's a very unfortunate experience for all concerned.

Willowisp - you are being unfair. We adopted a greyhound after a great deal of research into the breed. It turned out that the rescue knew the one we adopted was stressy and agressive and tried to dominate. We were unsure of him and had made the decision to return him. The morning we were taking him back, he attacked dd. She needed facial reconstruction surgery.

There is a limit to how much work you can put in with children. If the rescue have represented a dog as having minimal issues and you find that not to be the case, it is not fair on either family or dog to try and deal with issues that you did not sign up for. If you have identified a dog as aggressive, you cannot keep it in a house with children.

Willow I agree you are being unfair to a very upset OP. This dog was not suitable for family life. That is the responsibility of the rescue to determine that before homing him not the new owner. It sounds like the rescue are now taking responsibility for the dog but if they act in a less than ideal manner it won't be the OP's fault. She ahd her children were threatened by this animal. It would be completely irresponsible of her to keep it.

Totally agree it was the rescues fault, they should have been sure about the dog's personality and temperament before rehoming with children/inexperienced owners. I think OoohMr did exactly the right thing returning him. We have no option as inexperienced owners but to take the advice of the rescue on the suitability of a dog in terms of it's personality.

I hope you aren't put off rehoming another dog. You might need to widen your search, we rescued the perfect family dog but it did take a 12 hour round trip to get him!

I'm not saying, keep the dog, I am saying,

a) do your research - dog breed/rescue place/follow up support etc
b) If you think the rescue was rubbish & I agree it sounds like are, REHOME at a decent place, ie breed rescue where they will foster him to a home so he can learn appropriate behaviour.

And I will add, do your homework, read the dog books about training, research how a rescue animal should settle into your home. It's all out there.

As I said earlier, sorry it didn't work out BUT I hope you are put off rehoming a dog until you're prepared to put the work in, they've all got their baggage.

Willow, stop being so bloody sanctimonious.

AND please just bu**er off my thread now, I've had enough...

As for my post deleted by Mumsnet - use your imaginations folks!
I'm actually very shocked at how poisonous this has all turned out.

Please remember Willowisp - there is a human being here typing, a very upset one. You have made an already very tough day WORSE.

I am not ALLOWED to say what I'm really thinking of you here.

Today I have hoovered up dog hair, thrown away leftover dog food, washed the bedding, packed away all the bed, lead, bowls etc. Rearranged the sofa so the dent on the back cushion where he used to sit has gone... Not eaten, not slept for several nights... My face is red raw from crying and my children think I've gone mad.

I hope nobody is ever this vile to YOU when you are absolutely distressed and need support.

Shame on you.

Really sorry you've had such a sad time, OohMr. I'm sure you've done the right thing. It just wasn't the right home for this dog. The rescue centre was at fault, not you. But it doesn't sound like they were clueless enough for you to feel bad about the dog going back there.

There is no need to feel bad.

Willowisp, you being really out of order here. I had to bite my tongue REALLY hard on your thread the other week about your Mum's pound experience - sometimes, when the damage has already been done, it's best not to rub salt into an already raw wound.

willow I would love for you to advise the OP exactly which rescue she was to contact and get a place for a chi X jrt at very short notice that would then put it straight to a foster home and not a kennel. Oh and these fabulous foster people who immediately have a place for a dog with lots of issues.

I cant get a rescue place for a 5yr old docile dog who is brilliantly trained, good with children and not a problem at all! (not any of my dogs I hasten to add)

Do stop your vile directed at the OP. You are out of order.

You know what... If anyone else out there has also been following the Rescue Poodle Crate thread, there is a fairly simple explanation for this disgraceful behaviour.

Willowisp is redirecting her anger at her mother and their situation at me.

I'm very glad I'm just on the end of a keyboard...

OMC - I'm so sorry to hear you've had such an awful time - and I realise I may be a bit late here, but have just skim-read this thread to try and see if the dog was checked for injuries?
(It's really easy for dogs that small to get injured, and I think this could explain a lot of his behaviour.)

Yes he was checked - twice. Once by rescue and then I took him to the vet for a general check when we registered.
There were no (physical) signs of injury, but I always felt he had been hurt. He was really funny about being handled with 'things' collar, lead, harness etc and when he first arrived I could not touch is neck at all. Also if I was getting stuff out of the kitchen cupboard and brought my hand down a bit quickly he used to duck and growl.

Poor little boy - cant tell you how much I loved him and will miss him.

I did, of course, report back fully (4 pages!) and all the info will help him with new owner. I'm going to be informed of what happens next and may even speak to new owner on the phone at some point.

For the record - I don't blame the rescue or think they are rubbish. They were excellent yesterday and the previous Sunday and gave me a lot of support over the phone.

Bertie was impeccably behaved on both occasions we first met him there. No sign of what was to come. He was brilliant with the children, really affectionate and didn't bark at the other dogs... He even shared with a JRT!

For the first week he was a bit nervous and the aggression developed gradually once his paws were under the table. The general 'professional' opinion was that he'd bonded so closely with me that everyone else became a 'threat'.

I have wondered if it was a domestic violence situation... He definately preferred females and was very protective of me and DD.

Who knows.... Sigh... :-(