Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
The doghouse

If you're worried about your pet's health, please speak to a vet or qualified professional.

Original poster

Why does the doghouse have to be so critical and judgemental?

148 replies

minimu1 · 08/06/2011 13:53

My day is generally spent with dog ignorant people educating them on what is best for their dog.

When people post a thread on here showing their ignorance of dog issues they get slated, told they are lying and that the OP who is usually on the ground with the dog does not know what they are talking about. Moral and cruelty issues are banded about as if the OP has no idea that rehoming or PTS a dog is a horrendous situation - that is why they are asking for help after all.

I have been forceful on here (probably when I am in a bad mood and have regretted it) however it is necessary at times to make people see the importance of an issue but to personally slate the poster is not necessary.

I come on here as I can "do" dogs - I am able to help with training and behaviour so when people are struggling it is no issues to just pop on some advice.

Does the general tone of The doghouse have to be so unwelcoming and critical?

OP posts:
NettoSuperstar · 08/06/2011 19:06

Yes, I think I would be flamed for rehoming my cat, if this section is anything to go by.

I don't need advice this time, I've decided but I'm gutted about it, I don't want to get rid of my cat, but I have to.

I'd never ask for sympathy though because I know I'd be flamed.

I think the dogs but of MN is a disgrace, and worse than AIBU.

I must also add, that it's not that I'm scared of a flaming, or worried about it, but it serves no point.
What would be the point of posting when I won't get help/sympathy at all?

LeonardNimoy · 08/06/2011 19:08

"However the general tone of the topic is pretty grim a lot of the time. Lecturing, judgemental, sarcastic, angry. I can't remember the last time I laughed reading a dog's house thread. Even a year ago it was quite a fun topic amongst the more serious stuff."

Agree with this absolutely. I've got 2 dogs, they are gun dogs who are workedthat I bought from breeders as puppies. In fact I'm picking up a new pup in a couple of weeks - she will also be gun trained. I think it's a shame that I wouldn't dream of talking about my new puppy in the dog forums as I can imagine I will just be sneered at for not getting a resue dog. Can't imagine MN being that keen on the shooting aspect either tbh!

Merle · 08/06/2011 19:11

I posted on here for the first time last week. I was quite taken aback by the tone of some of the answers. Much more judgmental than anything similar on childcare threads.

I wanted to ask another question, but haven't as I have been making a list of disclaimers to go with it, before posting, otherwise no doubt someone will jump down my throat.

MissBeehiving · 08/06/2011 19:12

I have received great advice in the Doghouse from Minimu Smile but I have to say that I stay away from it now because it is just plain scary and I'm not as brave as Shiney.

GrimmaTheNome · 08/06/2011 19:13

minimu, I used to know a woman who'd worked in a rescue (or it might have been the RSPCA before they apparently became the Evil Empire). Anyhow, I said something about wondering how she could deal with some of the people she came across - she said that they always had some deep problems of their own ... she was able to deal with them compassionately rather than judgementally.

LeonardNimoy · 08/06/2011 19:14

I forgot to add that I live for my dogs. Other than DS they are the most enjoyable things in my life. But I never mention them on MN really - it's either rabid dog haters in chat or AIBU, or unpleasantness in the doghouse for not doing things th same way as some posters would like.

MotherJack · 08/06/2011 19:14

It could well be, Minimu. Experience shapes us all and the ways we all deal differently with things is infinite.

DooinMeCleanin · 08/06/2011 19:18

Merle just ask. I honestly do not know what the fuss is about. I don't see any of this nastiness. I see directness, but no personal attacks and most of the more direct responses seem to be in reply to threads where the op doesn't really want help, unless it's of the 'yes, you are doing the right thing to rehome/kill your dog' variety, when this should always be the very last resort.

You wouldn't be flamed for asking a simple question. I've asked loads of stupid questions and always got help.

Misdee recently got lots of support and sympathy when she had to rehome one of her dogs. One of the posters being criticised actually offered to take the dog herself, to give Misdee a break.

I have no idea whether people think I am overly critical. I honestly do not mean to be and would never deliberately upset someone who needed genuine support, but I cannot get my head around the fact that people see their pets as disposable. And I could never support anyone or offer sympathy for the killing of pet if all avenues had not be tried and tried again first.

(disclaimer incase anyone thinks I am being nasty: I am not reffering to the poster on this thread who is rehoming her cat. My cat would not be happy in a flat either)

catinthehat2 · 08/06/2011 19:33

btw the lady you mentioned is a well known poster - someone else commented that such posters get an easier time of it....

Scuttlebutter · 08/06/2011 19:34

Merle, I've just looked at your thread which was about taking your pup on holidays. I didn't see any judgemental posts, but I did see some pretty straightforward and direct advice from a range of posters, giving you advice on an issue where there are health implications, rather than simply lifestyle choices.

Leonard - why would MN be anti shooting? I know loads of people who shoot, and by and large, I wish more pets could have as good a life as they do. Usually v well trained, and loads of exercise. I have no quarrel with working dogs and have never seen that here. Quite a few posters have farm dogs and so on. Shooting definitely deserves a better press and a higher profile - I'm absolutely converted by the biodiversity arguments with regard to managed countryside for instance and rural employment. And if it came to a choice between a battery chicken and a shot game bird - I'd go for the game bird every time.

chickchickchicken · 08/06/2011 19:38

maybe cos the well known poster wouldnt be asking for advice on rehoming then ignoring it and selling the dog and/or saying they are having their dog pts

MotherJack · 08/06/2011 19:40

I have to say Merle, I just looked at the thread you refer to. Using Dooin's word, I can just see directness intended to make you see the validity of the points being made... I think the suggestions of "are you being serious?" were really quite valid in all honesty. Were you being serious? Wink

If you get responses like that, you need to really question whether you had a good idea or not. Admittedly, there are some nutbags who misread the OP/ interpret it anyway they like/spew forth drunken or psychotic ramblings.. but try re-reading it. I think people just missed off the Shock Wink Grin's

SoupDragon · 08/06/2011 19:46

Personally, I would never post asking for help in the Doghouse again.

MotherJack · 08/06/2011 19:51

Really, Soupy? Can I ask why? The Doghouse is my personal first port of call as I get answers from all sides. You're old (in the nicest...) and wise enough to take anything on board that wouldn't meet your initial thoughts - surely?

Fifis25StottieCakes · 08/06/2011 19:56

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1221858-to-be-sick-to-death-of-having-to-put-up-with-other-peoples-dogs?pg=11

I think this is way over the top. Overcooked asked a question. I dont really think the rescue topic even came into it

I know its in AIBU but overcooked wasnt the op she just wanted an opinion.

The thread about the recently widowed lady giving her dog to a friend (cant remember exactlly) was also uncalled for.

chickchickchicken · 08/06/2011 20:00

fifi - that dog wasnt given to a friend, it was sold to someone she didnt personally know. lots of people expressed sympathy and offered to help with rehoming but it was ignored and dog was sold. i think that was the part which upset people and not that dog needed to be rehomed

DooinMeCleanin · 08/06/2011 20:01

Fifi, it wasn't a friend, she didn't give the dog. It was a stranger and she sold the dog.

She was given many, many reasons as to why this was a very bad idea and possibly very dangerous for the dog. She was offered a shed load of support in finding a decent rescue to help rehome the dog safely. She did not reveal she was a widow until half way through the thread when she realised no one was going to support her decision to sell the puppy to a stranger.

Kingsroadie · 08/06/2011 20:03

Hi Happy - clueless together! Grin

I have to agree and say I have had some fab advice on here and really appreciate the time taken by people to answer my incessant (and sometimes stupid) questions.

However, I do admit to being a little reluctant to admit I was a) getting a puppy and b) the breed he is. I did actually search for a rescue dog but found that with cats and a baby I wasn't too high up on their re-homing lists..We also want him to come shooting with us so the breed was important and a puppy probably easier to train in that respect too.

Fifis25StottieCakes · 08/06/2011 20:03

She sold it to a dog walker who was her friends good friend from what i recall.

Fifis25StottieCakes · 08/06/2011 20:06

or to the dog walkers friend i cant remember, some of the abuse was totally uncalled for imho

DooinMeCleanin · 08/06/2011 20:08

A friend of my sisters once gave her dog to a friend of a friend. He ended up abused, malnourished, under socialised and agressive. And then he was left to stray, where he found himself at the mercy of a pound Sad

One of the posters on here being criticsised did her upmost to help me get him out, but we couldn't find a solution in the end. I don't know what happened to that dog. He is probably dead. He too was just a pup and went to 'a good home' Angry

And she did not sell it to the dog walker. She sold it to someone the dog walker knew, who already had a sick, elderly dog. It is not a good idea to have a lively young pup with an elderly dog who needs extra care and plenty of quiet, relaxtion time.

chickchickchicken · 08/06/2011 20:28

elderly dog was terminally ill as well Sad

Fifis25StottieCakes · 08/06/2011 20:36

Why would it probably be dead. It could be having a fantastic life. People can have 2 dogs and keep them seperate. This is why i never come on here. Its just misery all the time. I am aware dogs get killed everyday and are abused. I am not some mad dog hater. I love dogs. Rescuers do a fantastic job for nothing but sometimes i just want to talk to some one about my dog or their dog.

What do you think of the other thread?

I am not going to go through the other thread again, its all on there i said what i thought on there at the time.

Sad
maddiemostmerry · 08/06/2011 20:37

I also got a slating for not getting a rescue dog, although I had my reasons.

I do feel people can be too judgemental without knowing the full story although this happens on many other mn topics!

Merle · 08/06/2011 20:40

I don't mind directness but I did mind not actually answering my question and then going off on one about whether my lifestyle etc was suitable, based on very little information.

I have listened to the advice I was given.

I dislike the tone of those who either consider themselves experts and seem to be hostile to those who aren't.