Why does the doghouse have to be so critical and judgemental?

[minimu1]

My day is generally spent with dog ignorant people educating them on what is best for their dog.

When people post a thread on here showing their ignorance of dog issues they get slated, told they are lying and that the OP who is usually on the ground with the dog does not know what they are talking about. Moral and cruelty issues are banded about as if the OP has no idea that rehoming or PTS a dog is a horrendous situation - that is why they are asking for help after all.

I have been forceful on here (probably when I am in a bad mood and have regretted it) however it is necessary at times to make people see the importance of an issue but to personally slate the poster is not necessary.

I come on here as I can "do" dogs - I am able to help with training and behaviour so when people are struggling it is no issues to just pop on some advice.

Does the general tone of The doghouse have to be so unwelcoming and critical?

yes i remember the big rehoming thread. a particular rescuer was criticised repeatedly. however, within a few days of that thread a few people had asked on here specifically for her help with rehoming. she gave up her time on here and in RL. i dont think its realistic to expect help with rescuing (which hopefully we all agree is a worthy thing to do) and then expect people to not be passionate about animal welfare.

i dont give the time, emotional and financial commitment to rescuing and i really believe it is unrealistic and unfair to ask those that do to always remain calm and objective

my worry is that threads like these will make people think why bother to help other posters if my language is going to be criticised. and there is far far more help and support on here than criticising

the doghouse is a lot friendlier and supportive than a lot of places on MN. i dont think its ever possible to please everyone

as for fun - poo or lip gloss anyone

If I had a dog, I also would not ask advice on here at all, that's the truth

One wrong word, one wrong phrase, one thing said out of place and it tips certain posters over the edge, rending their garments and gnashing their teeth with their exaggerated LOOK AT ME suffering ON BEHALF OF ALL DOGS.
And whipping each other into a feeding frenzy - NO NO, I CARE MORE - NO I DO, IT's ME LOOK AT ME.

It's too much. It's loathsome actually. Those people need to take a step back. Oh, and I won't be naming names.

I think Minimu was the poster who said it was pointless handing out £80 fines for speeding, there would be fewer deaths if random people were stoppped and given £80 for driving under the limit. I can't fault that thinking.

I must admit, that I have read the horrid thread and was saddened. There are areas on the doghouse that seem to have become a little like AIBU.

However, I will also say that since before we got our pup, and ever since then, I have felt very welcomed here, and have gained invaluable support, care and advice over varying issues from minimu, midori, misschenko and spam spam spam, plus my partner in crime going through everything we are at the same time Kingsroadie.

So on the whole, I'm glad I found it :)

Well I guess our perceptions are different then chickchickchicken. I on the whole find it pretty unfriendly.

But indeed you are right, you can't please everyone which is why the hide topic function is so superb

Positive training works so much better

For dogs, children and adults alike. Amen to that.

I agree op YANBU

And chick chick, would really rather lip gloss than poo :o

I have 2 dogs and I would never ask on here for advice

I have also noticed if its a well known poster asking advice they will get sympathy but if its someone less known asking essentially the same thing, they get flamed

I posted on a fairly horrid thread not that long back, that when I'd needed advice for my Dad and his dog, I'd asked elsewhere.

I didn't bother coming here at all, because I knew I'd be flamed (even though the dog is not mine).

I got great advice and support, and my Dad and his dog are both happy.

It's saying something when people are loathe to ask for advice.

What about a BuddyBench style thread?

Somewhere safe to ask daft questions, a non judgmental source of advce?

Call it Barking Up The Wrong Tree - daft questions & totally non judgmental answers or something?

There are similar big informative threads all over the shop in MN. Just needs a good instructive OP to set the tone.

Go on then, cat.... or maybe you've got the wrong name to start this particular thread

I will confess to running a quick mental sweepstake as to how many posts in to a thread it will be before someone recommends a rescue dog in preference to any other sort. YES, I KNOW there's an issue with abandoned and neglected dogs, but is it really so wrong for people to have a preference for a specific breed/type of dog and want to go for a puppy?

Brilliant idea Cat

I think it should be a dog owner really!

But OP could be on the lines of -

"A totally safe place to ask everything you ever wanted to know about dogs from nose to rectum. All in one place. No question too dim to be asked. Kind hearted and positive responses abundantly welcome. Go! Fetch! Whatever!"

(I'll start one if you think it would help)

I know what you mean Minimu. I often think a better approach would be softly softly catchee monkee.

However, I can fully understand the frustration felt by people after years in dog rescue seeing thousands of dogs killed needlessly. I see it all the time, every day on my Facebook wall and it's rare a day goes by without me crying at something or other. I can understand why patience is lost quickly. I could not do that work as I think it must be utterly soul destroying some days (probably most) and only made worthwhile when the small percentage is actually saved, or perhaps someone takes your advice. It's like the phrase we frequently and happily attribute to parents of children with problems/disabilities... walk a mile in their shoes (and if you want a laugh I love the post-script I recently came across saying "because then you would be a mile away and you would have their shoes" ) but you know what I am saying.

I skirt around the fringes of dog rescue doing what I can do and I have to keep that at fundraising and having nothing whatsoever to do with the actual rescue of the animal... and none of the responsibility and subsequent weight on my shoulders. It must be hard not to react to the types of scenarios that you deal with every day and are responsible for. And I don't believe that anyone saying "it's just a dog, get a grip" has any place in the doghouse.

I'm saddened that people are afraid to post for fear of being leapt on though, but I think you have to bear in mind that some posts in the Doghouse have been akin to [total paraphrasing of course] AIBU to have put my DC's on Gumtree for free and I don't actually care if the local Paedo turns up to collect... I just want rid. People do do the equivalent to dogs and far, far worse.

Cat - the thing is, you can ask that in the doghouse. I would have no problems whatsoever asking the dumbest question on earth as I would start it with something along the lines of this is the dumbest question ever can you help and then I would take on board the advice.

When I first saw one of the recent threads which could be broadly described as almost exactly fitting the OP's category I knew she was in trouble. It could have been handled better but that is on both parts, not just the people who are being indirectly criticised on this thread. It's like the endless threads in AIBU where the poster asks something and then gets the umbridge when subsequently piled upon. Shall we start a topic called AIBU-BORIYTIM? (Am I being unreasonable - but only respond if you think I'm not)

I'm rehoming my cat soon, I've not even bothered asking on here, the cat bit I mean obv.
My mind is made up, as I know my cat, and that she'd be utterly miserable in a flat which is probably what I'll be moving to.

It doesn't make me any less devastated, but I have a feeling, if I asked on MN, I'd be flamed and told I am a horrid, uncaring owner.

Oh I couldn't agree with you more OP!

However, I am made of stern stuff . I ignore all the ranty 'YOU MUST DO THIS ' threads and just seek the advice on my puppy that I need - or try and help where I can. I have no strong views on rehoming so keep out of those threads but have got involved once where some poor girl was being torn to pieces for rehoming her puppy - anyone would think she had given her kids to a passing tramp, such was the outcry.

Would anyone seriously flame you for wanting to rehome a cat if you have to move to a flat, Netto?

I think people have got the wrong end of the stick from a few threads that have gone wrong. I wonder what the actual thread-gone-wrong percentage actually is in here compared to all the others which frequently go awry.

Actually, I actually am in actual awe of my actuals in that last post.

clam, yes. On mn yes it is.

If a rl friend wanted advice on getting a puppy/specific breed then I would direct them to a specific breed forum, not mn.

Specific training/behaviour problems, yes, excellent advice here.

Maybe it is just different personalities.

I also am heavily involved in rescue I spend one day a week every week during behavioural work at a rescue. I am also frequently called on cases to be an expert witness in dog cruelty and behavioural legal cases. I am regularly contacted by our local dog warden when dogs are at the pound and have no where to go and will be pts unless somewhere is found for them. They usually stay with us until somewhere else can be found for them. I foster dogs that are not ready for rehoming and train them until they can be put up for adoption. So it is not as if I do not experience first hand the foolhardy nature of people.

I can give numerous case studies of people who appear to be cruel to their animals (maybe they have their own problems, health issues etc) but with a word of encouragement, education and support the situation is turned right around - one dogs life totally improved and one less in rescue.

There will always be people that cannot be helped - personally I need to know that my actions were ethical and then move on to sort out the issue.

If one person does not post on here because they are worried about the backlash then surely we are defeating the purpose. They are asking for advice which we can give here - between us we have a wealth of knowledge on dogs (pretty rubbish if asking for style and beauty!) and one more person educated will spread to others as they repeat the information.

If we alienate posters then we are becoming as bad as the ignorant people who are harming dogs because indirectly so are we.

I was on a thread the other day and a woman said her DH told her never to approach a Staffie. He had been listening to the over zealous reporting of Staffie attacks. Well you can imagine what happened, her husband was insulted. I was like whoa. I have a staffie and told her i myself was wary of them before i had one which i was. I felt sorry for the woman TBH

By the way the woman asked for thought on this