One Born Every Minute

[FiveGoMadInDorset]

Channel 4 tonight, featuring a lovely young couple from our village.

Aww ShowOfHands - that was me too. I was so so terrified at 2cm because the pain was unbearable and I was being told (or thought I was being told) I shouldn't need any pain relief at that stage. I had no idea how I would cope when the pain got worse. But like you, the pain didn't get worse. It was the same at 10cm, just more frequent, but less leg pain which evened it out. But of course by the time I got to 6cm, all on my own with no pain relief at all, I was suddenly taken seriously and allowed to be in pain.

It has had a huge effect on me, and I am really very scared about experiencing the same thing again. Although, as I posted earlier on the thread, I'm thinking that if I'd made a bit more fuss instead of putting up and shutting up, I might have got a litte more help (if only to really shut me up).

There we are then. Four of us (at least) on this thread. Surely that shows there is not a normal pattern to labour of progressively worsening pain in line with dilation? When will MWs get this through their heads?!

Given how Sam's labour ended up, I'm thinking that she may well have been in horrendous pain because something wasn't right from the off. Yet she was dismissed as an immature 20 year old who has never experienced pain before. Very .

Well SOH if it helps I was a real state during my labour, and for no medical reason, I was just petrified just like Sam, but as I had an epi and then ventous, it was pretty quick.
I always felt a failure for not 'breathing' her out, but then I realised that a lot of the ideal birth stories I heard had been improved on anyway. (One NCT 'friend' of mine had pethadine but told us all she'd had no pain relief at all!)
Sorry you had such a terrible time. I don't see how anyone would have coped any better with what you went through.

That must have been awful. It's interesting that your contractions needed boosting. My contractions never got closer than 3 minutes apart, but must have been very strong because they did the job (eventually). I wonder if there's a link there as well.

SOH, I'm another one who had an awful first labour, 31 hours and didn't even get passed 4cm, needed an EMCS after DS1's heartbeat dipped dangerously low. I also had PTSD and severe PND.

I did think Sam was behaving a bit like a spoilt brat though, but all she really needed was some pain relief, she was very calm after having it.

Sorry if some of the comments on here made you feel bad, I'm sure it wasn't intended.

Oh, Show, if it helps I was thinking 'I wonder if it's a back labour...that looks like a lot of pain for only 2cm'

It's dreadful when your labour doesn't meet the norm, though, and this business of feeling you have to explain why you took the decisions you did. You don't. You managed to deliver a healthy baby and you will recover, although obviously it has left you with a lot to deal with. That really is the most important thing.

In all honesty, although Sam's mother was a straight talking lady, I think the editing here was pretty questionable: there seemed to be an agenda to present her as a spoilt, immature girl who couldn't face a bit of pain, whereas there could have been a lot of physiological reasons why that pain was pretty severe. If we're lucky there might be a bit more explanation next week about what went wrong with her labour.

I had just as much pain at the start of my labour as I did at the peak. It is even worse imo, as there is no time to build up to it, just wham, straight in there with truly terrifying pain.

I was scared witless that it was going to get so much worse, I thought I must be morally inferior that I couldn't bear the pain whilst my sisters coped with a hot bath and a tens machine.

That girl Sam was having contractions very close together too.

Bet your DH thought you were doing really well SOH.

Mine was a back labour but it wasn't recognised until I started pushing. I know they thought I was just making a fuss, and I actually believed them!

Of course if it was a back labour she was in totally the wrong position. Someone should have been helping her to get more comfortable.

DH said "do some people feel more pain when giving birth then others?" when we were watching the programme. "Yes." Was my reply.

All pain is relative but should never be dismissed. I cheered the sister when she told the doctor off for suggesting half pain relief.

Loving the receptionist!

You're all very kind. Ignore me though. I have a very visceral reaction to these things and shouldn't watch them or post about them. I've been referred for counselling. I won't go and if I do I'll just lie and say I'm fine.

I've sobbed all over dh and he has tried to say the right thing but there is no right thing to say.

I too have a sil who sneezed her baby out and was a size 8 again 17 minutes later. They refer to my em cs as 'the easy route'. Sod 'em.

DD's fine, I'm fine. As dh says, it was one day out of our lives.

Yup, another back labour first baby here. I just wish I'd had a midwife who'd stayed with me, rather than diving in and out of the room.
Also thought the sister was lovely.

Haven't read the whole thread, watching now on +1. Should they not have given her something? She's in a right state. I thought G&A worked best with long deep breaths? No one is telling her that either? She's almost hyper ventilating! Poor thing, thank goodness I had two easy labours

As I said on the other thread I really identified with Sam - I was like that for a short period at the beginning of my labour, simply because I'd been awake for 48 hours+ at that point and had run out of stamina, I think.

As I'd planned a home birth I had called a midwife out to examine me and so had one midwife, one to one, able to totally focus on me. She taught me a breathing/relaxation technique which was easy to manage and calmed me down enough to think yes, I can cope with this actually, and explained very kindly and nicely what would happen if I went into hospital at that point and what my options were. She mentioned that the water pool was available when she'd left.

With my mum's help (she kept chanting something we'd decided on right until DS was born) I went into hospital and managed to carry on, laboured in the water, it got a bit manic towards the end but I basically got the birth I wanted and I think that that half hour to an hour that one midwife spent with me reassuring me and talking me through this relaxation technique made all the difference.

Now I see I was lucky - it's sad that midwives can't spare this time to spend with mothers in labour and it is left to the families of the mothers who are likely to be ill-prepared themselves. At my hospital they didn't even allow partners to the antenatal class on breathing techniques because of "space constraints"!!

No, when you've had a really traumatic birth, there's nothing anyone can say. But you do get over it. Took me two years and another (also dramatic!) birth, but it suddenly clicked that even 'textbook' (and I do hate that notion) births were painful, disorientating and overwhelming.

Show, it's shit, it really is. I shall resist all the old cliches about 'it's not a competition' blah blah, you must have heard them a million times. But seriously...it's obviously still causing you anguish, albeit occasionally. Is there any other way it is affecting you? Because if it's stopping you from doing other things in your life...not having another baby necessarily but just generally affecting your confidence in yourself...isn't it worth trying to speed up the healing process with some professional help?

SOH, I am very fortunate to have had a very easy labour (I might add i was never a size 8, am CERTAINLY not now, nor shall I ever be!!) but I was not knocking very painful, stressful labours. Nor did I sneeze him out, was reasonably long labour (due to jumping in the pool) but trouble free. Just talking about my own experience. But as I said, I count myself very very fortunate, not bragging or anything like that at all. My dear dear friend went into "normal" labour and had scary emerg c section and worrying for the baby etc...

She did come across a bit bratish though, that's all I meant and certainly no reflection on yourself or others.

DD is 2.9. I will never do that again. The idea leaves me cold.

I've just seen the other thread. Wanting to slap her, irritated by her. I will always think that dh was embarrassed by me, that I failed him and dd. I'm so sad. Instead of slapping her or telling her to grow up, come and live my life, have panic attacks over the thought of having sex ever again because you might get pg, feel like you don't deserve to be a mother, hate what should have been the best day of my life. How dare they judge. I wonder if dh found me irritated, wanted to slap me.

I'm going to bed to cuddle dd.

thank god they gave her some pain relief!

SOH - if it helps, which I know it won't, it took me until DS was 3 before I could even contemplate the prospect of doing it again. DH and I didn't do the deed for a full 2.5 years after I had DS. I freaked out when I went for a smear (and I mean totally freaked) and generally felt like a complete basket case for a long long time. In the end I got pg kind of by accident and I'm now having to work through my feelings about the first time around. It's not good, but I count myself lucky that I did have a normal delivery - in the end. I can't imagine what you went through.

As for your DB and SIL - stuff em. I don't know how they dare be so insensitive.

oh SOH would you really really not consider any councelling at all?

i don't know what this other thread is so not sure what is going on......how could you ever have failed her? You have your beautiful daughter here with you, you gave her life, YOU did that. YOU. Please please don't think that of yourself