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The Nevermets Channel 4

259 replies

80smercedes · 24/05/2024 23:11

Anyone else watching? I'm genuinely not sure what I think about what I've just watched 🤷🏻‍♀️ Would love to chew it over with others

OP posts:
Daz57 · 15/06/2024 20:13

SloaneStreetVandal · 15/06/2024 16:52

I've just watched episode 5. I think Matt and Maria (notwithstanding all the issues they'll face to be together!) are actually very well suited. They're both soft souls, and neither seem the type to want much out of life other than to be happy. I actually think they're quite sweet 🫣

I thought Chad seemed a decent enough guy too, he's a young 49. Age gap relationships usually give me the ick, but I thought those two were quite well suited too tbh.

I thought Chad seemed quite decent too but Leah is very immature. Keeping two men dangling is not nice behaviour.
I worry about Maria.

Twonewcats · 15/06/2024 20:14

Leah has said she wants an older man, and said her friend thinks she has daddy issues, which makes a lot of sense due to her background.

SloaneStreetVandal · 15/06/2024 20:27

Daz57 · 15/06/2024 20:13

I thought Chad seemed quite decent too but Leah is very immature. Keeping two men dangling is not nice behaviour.
I worry about Maria.

When I saw the next time clip of Chad and Leah kissing (knowing he was 49) I was quite horrified. Having watched them in the full episode though it was clear they were well suited. I think it's only because Chad doesn't look 49 though, he looks a lot younger.

x2boys · 15/06/2024 22:22

I have binged all five episodes I thought Matt and Maria were quite sweet together I realise he only works in a factory. but as he,s e always lived at home and never been one for going out much etc He could have quite a lot of savings. ?
Would immagration take savings into account

I also thought Chad and and leah were quite suited ,she seems to know her own minds aas she ,s also interested. In someone much nearer it will be interesting to see how it works out.

x2boys · 15/06/2024 22:32

Jay and veena seemed ridiculous to me what can he possibly offer her she has her own home ( she said the house was in her name and she pays the mortgage () and apparently a good wage he's 17 and doing his Alevels ,as the parent of a 17 year old I was horrified why would her family want her marrying him even assuming he has good prospects eventually. at 17 he needs to get through his Alevels. ,and then potentially university or apprenticeship etc which would take a good few years
He seems like he's a very nice but a very young naive lad .

Twonewcats · 16/06/2024 00:40

Commentator123 · 15/06/2024 16:06

I don't think it's comparable to reverse the genders. Yes, some women might be predatory, but generally for women it tends to be more about emotional connection. Reversing genders, men tend to be primarily driven by one thing (which makes it more predatory, IMHO) [adding the caveat that a smaller minority of men may value other things first].

In Veena's case, I think she was genuinely put off when she discovered how old he was which is why she broke off contact. But there was already an emotional bond with the person, which is what she missed. Also, I suspect the film crew had more to do with the focus on marriage and the way they were shown on screen. Didn't Veena say she didn't want him to be scared off by all that? She also used the word "platonic" a few times and keeping things platonic.

People are also ignoring the cultural expectations in India. If there's a boyfriend, there's an expecation to marry that boyfriend. Women in conservative cultures are generally not free to play the field before getting married. If they're dating, it's because they plan to marry the person they're dating (at least that's how they present it, to ward off rumours). Obviously, in that society, her stated end goal will always be marriage.

There's also a cultural expectation of no sex before marriage, so the whole fuss about the separate room because of the age of consent in India is hugely misleading. Having seen some other comments here, it's worrying that there's a suggestion of the film crew pressuring people into sharing beds.

Are you taking the piss? He's 17 ffs!! If he was, say, 21 and she was 10 yrs older, i wouldn't be so concerned. But he's a schoolboy! You'd be fine with that if it was your son?

I said previously, i have a 19yo, and I'd be horrified if he went thousands of miles to meet a 28yo who was pressuring him into marriage

WallaceinAnderland · 16/06/2024 01:58

When Leah is the age Chad is now, Chad will be 74

He might be happy to be with a 24 year old but will she be happy to be with a 74 year old?

brendafromacrosstheroad · 16/06/2024 02:49

I've just binged watched the whole 5 episodes. Can anyone tell me when episode 6 is on please?

Commentator123 · 16/06/2024 02:50

Twonewcats · 16/06/2024 00:40

Are you taking the piss? He's 17 ffs!! If he was, say, 21 and she was 10 yrs older, i wouldn't be so concerned. But he's a schoolboy! You'd be fine with that if it was your son?

I said previously, i have a 19yo, and I'd be horrified if he went thousands of miles to meet a 28yo who was pressuring him into marriage

Did you actually bother to read my comment?

I challenged a particular point raised by other posters, namely the idea that there would be an uproar if the genders were reversed. Much worse, IMO, when an older man is pursuing a younger female (for the obvious evolutionary reasons I alluded to). As an aside, I note there's plenty of uproar here and I do wonder whether there would be the same level of opprobrium if it were an older man chasing a much younger woman. Indeed, there have been several posts stating that Chad and Leah are well suited!

The brain is still adolescent until around 25 years of age. That would mean Veena and Jay are/were at least somewhat closer in brain development / maturity, whereas Leah (24 years old) who's at this "adolescent" stage was being pursued by a 49 year old. Yet, people are calling Chad, "decent". Calling Leah, both immature (blame) AND capable of knowing her own mind (giving her the same agency as a 49 year old with life experience). Equating Veena's behaviour to that of a predator. And, at the same time, suggesting that women don't face as much criticism.

With respect to Veena, I did not condone a relationship with a child. All I said was that various circumstances of this relationship appear to have been misrepresented by the production team. Based on expected norms in India, I would question the nature of the relationship as it's been portrayed. I suspect it's more of an online friendship, Jay must have been approached by the prodcution team, but in order to star in this show, they had to have a "romance" which meant Veena had to introduce him as her boyfriend and the cultural norms in India put marriage at the centre of the narrative. Good TV, but probably not close to reality. As I said, she used the word platonic more than once.

Maturation of the adolescent brain

Adolescence is the developmental epoch during which children become adults – intellectually, physically, hormonally, and socially. Adolescence is a tumultuous time, full of changes and transformations. The pubertal transition to adulthood involves ...

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3621648/

Commentator123 · 16/06/2024 02:51

brendafromacrosstheroad · 16/06/2024 02:49

I've just binged watched the whole 5 episodes. Can anyone tell me when episode 6 is on please?

Friday, I think.

Commentator123 · 16/06/2024 02:57

Daz57 · 15/06/2024 20:13

I thought Chad seemed quite decent too but Leah is very immature. Keeping two men dangling is not nice behaviour.
I worry about Maria.

She's allowed to be immature. She's only 24. She will mature and grow as a person as she gets older. But why does Chad, with all his lfe experience (including a child and a divorce), think an immature 24 year old is his ideal life partner?

Commentator123 · 16/06/2024 03:12

Twonewcats · 15/06/2024 20:14

Leah has said she wants an older man, and said her friend thinks she has daddy issues, which makes a lot of sense due to her background.

The phrase "daddy issues" is problematic. Mainly because it's commonly used to justify dubious male behaviour by putting the onus on an allegedly damaged female, when in fact it's usually the older man whose actions are questionable. Typical scenario of a mature older man, excusing his own behaviour by blaming the younger woman (who's still immature and developing) for his decision to pursue an imbalanced relationship.

Think about it..."daddy issues" is not a recognised disorder. It's attributed to absent fathers, but fathers have historically not played a large role in child rearing - does that mean everyone has "daddy issues"?

Also, In Leah's case, it was clearly a comment made in jest.

Panda812 · 16/06/2024 06:51

My main issue with Veena and Jay is not the number of years with the age gap, but where those years are. They met when he was 15 and although she was unaware of this at the time she did choose to continue when she discovered the truth. He is 17, which makes him in the eyes of the law still a child……I appreciate that in the U.K. he is legally old enough to do many things, but until he is 18 he is still classed as a minor.
as the mother of both a son and daughter and who works in Neuro-rehab, I can say that whilst the brain is still “under construction “ until 25 or so, the level of emotional maturity etc between a boy and girl of the same age is quite different. A 17 year old male and female will demonstrate different ways of coping with and managing situations.
there is , of course, an element of Channel 4 interference here in order to sensationalise a drama, but regardless of this the point is that putting a young man, not legally an adult in this position , is exploitative and not acting in his best interest

SloaneStreetVandal · 16/06/2024 09:04

Twonewcats · 15/06/2024 20:14

Leah has said she wants an older man, and said her friend thinks she has daddy issues, which makes a lot of sense due to her background.

Daddy issues is just a silly throwaway phrase! She's clearly just exploring her options (because she's dating guys her own age too).
By background do you mean her adoptive status? I think that's a very prejudiced take tbh (this idea that ALL adoptees are issue ridden is media peddled nonsense). If anything she demonstrates the opposite - of all the women featured, Leah is the one who knows her worth (she's a similar age to Veena, Maria and Dumebi - but she wouldn't have given their partners the time of day!).
She went to meet Chad with no concern that he wasn't already completely smitten with her, she's clearly used to calling the shots (because it comes very naturally to her). She's also the only one who has effortlessly charmed friends and family - Chad's friends, and his Dad, were completely wowed by her.

IdisagreeMrHochhauser · 16/06/2024 10:56

Not sure what you're watching. Veena has called Jay, "the one" and is clearly as keen to get married as her parents are. They just have to be very clear for TV that it's not a sexual relationship as he is under the age of consent.

x2boys · 16/06/2024 12:41

IdisagreeMrHochhauser · 16/06/2024 10:56

Not sure what you're watching. Veena has called Jay, "the one" and is clearly as keen to get married as her parents are. They just have to be very clear for TV that it's not a sexual relationship as he is under the age of consent.

Yes it's very strange ,she's an articulate clever ,good looking young women with her own home
Jay ,appears to be a sweet but very naieve 17 year old i do wonder what she sees in him
I have a 17 year old son too obviously I think he's a lovely young man and he is but I would be horrified at a 25 year old wanting to marry him and would wonder what on earth they could have in common ,he can't even support himself at this stage .

Twonewcats · 16/06/2024 12:45

SloaneStreetVandal · 16/06/2024 09:04

Daddy issues is just a silly throwaway phrase! She's clearly just exploring her options (because she's dating guys her own age too).
By background do you mean her adoptive status? I think that's a very prejudiced take tbh (this idea that ALL adoptees are issue ridden is media peddled nonsense). If anything she demonstrates the opposite - of all the women featured, Leah is the one who knows her worth (she's a similar age to Veena, Maria and Dumebi - but she wouldn't have given their partners the time of day!).
She went to meet Chad with no concern that he wasn't already completely smitten with her, she's clearly used to calling the shots (because it comes very naturally to her). She's also the only one who has effortlessly charmed friends and family - Chad's friends, and his Dad, were completely wowed by her.

No, i didnt imply anything about adoptees all having "daddy issues"

And to pp, I didn't excuse anything about Chad.
Yes it might have been said in jest, but we all know that comments like that are often what people really believe. The same friend also said something about how she wouldnt go for an older man and screwed her face up a bit, so I think she meant it, whether or not that matters

Nomad14 · 16/06/2024 13:48

Of course there would be uproar if the genders were reversed and it was a 15yr old girl and a 24yr old man. It's equally disturbing as the current Veena and Jay situation.

RogueFemale · 17/06/2024 01:26

The couple I find the most disturbing is Sarah and Jgoy. Cringe mingled with horror.

Sunshineandrainbow · 17/06/2024 07:23

RogueFemale · 17/06/2024 01:26

The couple I find the most disturbing is Sarah and Jgoy. Cringe mingled with horror.

To me she just doesn't seem interested in him. Bit one sided.

ladybirdsanchez · 17/06/2024 08:51

Sunshineandrainbow · 17/06/2024 07:23

To me she just doesn't seem interested in him. Bit one sided.

No, she seemed strangely blank about the whole thing - she seems depressed to me. But I wonder how interested he really is/was in her too. I think he just wants to move to the UK and she offers him the possibility of that.

LadyIce2 · 17/06/2024 15:07

IdisagreeMrHochhauser · 05/06/2024 22:15

Just watched episode 3. Actually started it a couple of days ago but found the cringe too strong so had to keep taking breaks.

I did cry at the scene where Jay and Veena parted and I'm glad that Sarah and Jgoy started getting on better again. Even bigger age gap relationship coming up in the next instalment. That's the thing with TV nowadays. They think they have to get more and more extreme to get viewers. I'd be happy with a soppy everyday love story.

I'm wondering how many of the people involved are neurodivergent, which, if they are, puts another spin on the duty of care Channel 4 have. I do wonder how many of the relationships would've fizzled out without channel 4's involvement. I assume they pay for the flights etc.

Agree that some of the people on there seem ND- certainly would argue that a few of them are in vulnerable situations.

FlowersAndFairiesAndPie · 17/06/2024 17:51

A 35 year old man pursued me when I was 19. It turns my stomach now. Don't do age gaps sorry

FlowersAndFairiesAndPie · 17/06/2024 17:56

Finishing episode 3. Veena is acting like a lunatic questioning a 17 Yr old about when theyre getting married