Kate Garraway…..Caring for Derek

[GorgonzolaSouffle]

She’s so brave making this documentary.

@adriftabroad

She has really gone up in my estimation.

After watching it, I found and watched the first documentary, "Finding Derek" which is avaiable on STV player.

His deterioration since then, made the second even more heartbreaking. Poor family. Kate is so brave.

DH and I have spent this am discussing covid amendments to Advance Medical Directives.

I'm not sure there's enough informed consent in the world to prepare someone for that commitment. And without the religious guilt aspect of wedding vows, i'm not sure it's actually fair to hold someone to that promise.

@Candleabra

I hope this isn’t insensitive but why is Derek so badly affected? Is it due to organ damage, was his brain affected?

Both, and its not just him. Watch the program.

'In sickness and in health' has to be weighed up against what's in the interests of all members of the family. And she can still be a fully supportive wife even if he moves to residential care.

He will not get free residential care. The financial cost has to be borne in mind as well.
It really is not as easy as some seem to think just to get someone into a home.

Hence why she's doing these docs, Hello photoshoots etc, raising money for his treatment. She's in a good place to utilise her celebrity to open more income streams.

@NutellaEllaElla

What happens to adults without spouses?

They either have carers coming every day or they go into a home. But they will have savings and they will have to be used first, followed by your house sold if you are a single adult to pay for care. In reality it is very hard to get the state to pay for residential care and they will continue with visiting carers at home as long as they can get away with it.

@Classica yes I agree. It is easy to criticise when as some think the other option is for him to go into a home that no one magically has to pay for.
I am not convinced the money in Mexico is well spent, but I understand the desperate search for a solution to get him better.

[quote MRSAHILL]@AlternativePerspective In 2019 my husband became unexpectedly ill and suffered brain damage. He has gone from being a vibrant family man and professional worker to being a shell of himself. I am now his full time carer and our relationship has totally changed. I've become a "mother figure" to him, instead of a wife. We had to sell our beautiful home due to the financial impact of his illness and the responsibility for running everything is now mine alone. I darent think about the future of our marriage, I just have to take it a day at a time. I'm certainly not speaking for Kate or anyone else in a similar position, but the personal care I've had to provide for him means, I, personally, find it difficult to see him in a sexual way now. I can't imagine ever having a sexual relationship with him again, even if he suddenly became well and was capable of it, which is extremely unlikely. Our relationship has totally changed. I can't help but look at him differently. I'm only in my early fifties and it's scary to think of the years ahead. Is this it for me now? I apologise as I probably sound really selfish and I'd never say these things to anyone IRL. [/quote]
My heart really goes out to you

I was in my early 50’s when my DH was brain damaged in an accident.

He survived in a coma for weeks and I had already gone through all those difficult decisions about long term care and how I would fund it, when he contracted pneumonia and died.

I have spent all the years since thinking ‘what if’. I was devastated when he died and of course I miss him, but I understand just how difficult my life would have been if he had survived.

Watching Kate last night was a sharp reminder of what long term care really entails, day in, day out. Reading your message brings that home.

There is no way you are selfish, you are to be admired for your compassion and caring and of course you think of your future.

I hope last nights programme really drives debate about Care in this country.

If you and everyone else plunged into a carer’s role through accident, illness, birth, old age etc. wasn’t there to offer that care it would fall to the NHS / government to step in with much more expensive solutions.

Surely then financial support, additional carers and proper respite facilities are the very least that should be available to anyone in your position !!

Millions of people have been selflessly caring for their loved ones for years without any recognition whatsoever and certainly not her funds and now she is hailed as some sort of hero??

How about a documentary on 'ordinary carers' to see how they cope especially child carers. ? No one gives a toss about them quietly getting on with it.

Having read this thread I’m going to watch the programme on catch up.

I’ve read various articles and it sounds a truly awful position to be in for the whole family.

I do wonder about her own health and how much longer she can carry on like this before she burns out. The stress must be intolerable and there are also young children in the mix.

My heart goes out to all carers and many on this thread who have shared their own heartbreaking circumstances.

@lollipoprainbow

How about a documentary on 'ordinary carers' to see how they cope especially child carers. ? No one gives a toss about them quietly getting on with it.

Shock people aren’t drawn to watch shows about people they don’t know- get a grip.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers well they should be, so only celebrities matter??

It is shocking to think the nhs discharge you and really you’re left - left to figure it all out and fight for everything.

Yes isn't it, mere mortals as well. How naive to think that the nhs care once you are discharged !!

@Candleabra

I hope this isn’t insensitive but why is Derek so badly affected? Is it due to organ damage, was his brain affected?

I always think this. He looks more like he's had a stroke. Exactly how my uncle was when he had a stroke.

I'm sure I read a long time ago that shortly after being admitted to hospital with Covid Derek suffered a stroke.

@Juno22

I'm sure I read a long time ago that shortly after being admitted to hospital with Covid Derek suffered a stroke.

Yes I read that too. Covid caused blood clots etc which caused a huge stroke.

I wonder if people sometimes divorce to avoid losing everything they have and to get state funded care.

The NHS discharge you because what you need is social care. Social care in this country is in dire straits. But few really care - except about inheritance tax.

@NutellaEllaElla you still have to divide up assets.

It was a very sad watch. He didn't seem to have made any real progress from the start of the doc to the end. In fact it felt like he had almost gone backwards in terms of communication by the end

Yes, but thinking about it pragmatically, would it mean you get to keep half your home and life savings whereas if you didn't divorce, you'd have to spend all of it before qualifying for help?

Cried watching this, Derek is just as inspirational as Kate, the strength to want to become stronger and more independent is to emotional to watch - just hope is makes progress. How wonderful are Bill and Darcy.!!!

@NutellaEllaElla you wouldnt have to spend everything before you get help. You are still entitled to have somewhere to live. But yes if you have lots of savings or houses you dont live in, a divorce would probably be cheaper.