MAFS Down Under Series Five - Come on . . . join us on the dark side . . you know you want to . . . [grin[

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

Ready for the next car crash carnage - please fill up other thread first. I'm sure you can think of something.

(If anyone else has started a thread, let me know and I'll delete this one.

Charlene!

Ruby is Patrick’s mum I think.

@LarkDescending

Charlene!

Ruby is Patrick’s mum I think.

I think Ruby is Patrick's mums name.

Troy is something else. He doesn't need to know anything about his wife. He is happy because she is what he wants looks wise. Nothing else matters to him.

John and Melissa seem like a good match.

I wonder if heather Troy might be secretly quite nice but just really clueless.

@Destinysdaughter

Truly. I’ve been trying to come up with one based on my new knowledge of Aussie slang, but the best I can do is Mozzie Arvo in Furphy Stralia. Which is not good enough frankly.

So, some new titles:

Males And Females Shagging?

Mated And Fucking Sorry?

Miffed And Fairly Surprised?

Making A Feeble Stab ( at it?)

Mated and Fucking Sorry is the clear winner - also my recommendation for next thread title @SchadenfreudePersonified

Finally catching up this morning! Watching as I type.

So Troy’s a complete prat, isn’t he? Hear lord he was getting his whole arm in there to brush his teeth. WHO EATS TUNA BEFORE GOING ON A DATE, LET ALONE GETTING MARRIED? He’s vile.

I’m glad her sister is there to point out his flaws, but did you catch their conversation when she was trying on dresses? Lots of cattiness about how Ashley (is it Ashley?) was getting married before her other sister without having put the effort in to dating that she has.

Why is Troy so in to the mum? He really can’t answer anything without meaningless platitudes and commenting on how pretty the women are. He has no other “charm”. Urgh. Ashley is exactly what he ordered, poor sod.

Sister is right that his lack of interest in Ashley is peculiar.

There’s something not right about Troy (beyond being a prat with the weirdest accent). I haven’t worked it out yet, but I will.

As for NPJohn and ... NotDeb, they are adorable - both even do the annoying laugh at the same time. They seem really suited. I hope it works out for them both.

@happinessischocolate yes! David Brent played by Jim Carey - that’s exactly it!

Oh god that final kiss with his weird lunging movements throughout was grotesque.

I need to go and brush my teeth, I’ve got a horrible taste in my mouth.

If heather = whether

I didn’t pick up on the sibling rivalry with Ashley’s sisters, but Google did force on me the information that Summer previously participated in First Dates Australia

@LarkDescending

I didn’t pick up on the sibling rivalry with Ashley’s sisters, but Google did force on me the information that Summer previously participated in First Dates Australia

First Dates - Australia - is that the one where they have the really , really creepy Maître D’ ? ( Fred replacement ).

I think I heard NPJ and Melissa talking about smoking as they walked , hand in hand , off into the sunset . I heard her say , “I only have one a day , at breakfast .” So that’s something they have in common . I know PICT Debbie found his smoking/breath objectionable . Of course Melissa could have been talking about something entirely different .

@LarkDescending

I didn’t pick up on the sibling rivalry with Ashley’s sisters, but Google did force on me the information that Summer previously participated in First Dates Australia

Blooming Google. It keeps calling me to find out what happened, but I am resisting the urge. The thought of @SchadenfreudePersonified calling me dead to her is too terrifying

Though maybe just a peak wont hurt, no-one would know....

I think Melissa must have said in her application that she wanted someone like John. She's obviously a fan of him and there's no way the "experts" came up with the idea in their own.😁

John must’ve had a lot of attention since the last series- he wasn’t remotely bothered by the recognition and attention! He laughs like a really heavy smoker. I reckon he needs someone else who will be a pub type person!

Honeyroar "He laughs like a really heavy smoker. I reckon he needs someone else who will be a pub type person!"

Melissa said she smoked one a day, so that may be a good thing!

But I didn't like NPJ before and I still don't... I think he's a drinker and may be fairly unpleasant on the quiet

That's interesting, toothbrush, because I got a drinker vibe off him last night which I hadn't noticed before (Maybe batsh*t Debs drove hi mto it). We'll see . . .

I think Troy is frightened of women (he certainly doesn't like them, despite is "You're all so pretty" comments), or may even be gay but not admitting to it.

He gave the ultimate macho tongue-in-mouth snog in front of everyone - practically chewing that poor girl's face off and publicly humiliating her, and yet in the honeymoon suite was "er - I'll sleep in another continent if you like darling - it seems only respectful"

I think the "sex-mad Aussie bloke persona is for the benefit of his mates ("Gor - he's hit a six there hasn't he, Tommy?" "He has, Bruce, he has." "Harharharhar") but he possibly (to keep to the cricketing analogy) finds it hard to come us to the crease (which actually sounds quite dirty - I must have a very bad mind).

Or maybe, behind that braying laugh, vacuous stare and inability to hold a conversation deeper than puddle, there is actually a rather night, but terrified man.

Nah - he's an rse. RINDER RIIIINNNDEEEERR!!!! Need an analysis - NOW!

Mated and Fucking Sorry is the clear winner grin - also my recommendation for next thread title @SchadenfreudePersonified**

On it!

New thread - fill this one up first please - but the next is easy and waiting for Monday's vicarious delights.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/telly_addicts/3996025--Mated-and-Fucking-Sorry-We-warned-you-but-you-thought-you-could-take-it-or-leave-it-THATS-NOT-HOW-ADDICTION-WORKS?watched=1

*ready - not easy

(does the nightmare never end?)

If Troy was in the UK he’d be in the red trouser brigade. He’s awful. Ashley reminded me of Scarlett. I feel sorry for her matched with Troy.
NPJ and Melissa seemed well matched and I’m glad she was ‘stoked’ it was him after watching him in the last series.

Davina and Tracey have blended into one for me as they look so similar. Davina is hard work, she complains about everything - complains when he tries to touch or kiss her and then complains when he doesn’t. She doesn’t know what she wants and I’m sure she is only on it for publicity.

@SchadenfreudePersonified

But I didn't like NPJ before and I still don't... I think he's a drinker and may be fairly unpleasant on the quiet

That's interesting, toothbrush, because I got a drinker vibe off him last night which I hadn't noticed before (Maybe batsh*t Debs drove hi mto it). We'll see . . .

I think Troy is frightened of women (he certainly doesn't like them, despite is "You're all so pretty" comments), or may even be gay but not admitting to it.

He gave the ultimate macho tongue-in-mouth snog in front of everyone - practically chewing that poor girl's face off and publicly humiliating her, and yet in the honeymoon suite was "er - I'll sleep in another continent if you like darling - it seems only respectful"

I think the "sex-mad Aussie bloke persona is for the benefit of his mates ("Gor - he's hit a six there hasn't he, Tommy?" "He has, Bruce, he has." "Harharharhar") but he possibly (to keep to the cricketing analogy) finds it hard to come us to the crease (which actually sounds quite dirty - I must have a very bad mind).

Or maybe, behind that braying laugh, vacuous stare and inability to hold a conversation deeper than puddle, there is actually a rather night, but terrified man.

Nah - he's an rse. RINDER RIIIINNNDEEEERR!!!! Need an analysis - NOW!

your wish is my command

Troy has a deap-seated terror of women that sets off his nervous ticks. One of which is to blurt randomly (and with no control) “You’re a stunner! She’s a stunner! Your mum’s gorgeous! You’re gorgeous!” He obviously doesn’t mean these things, but they’ve got him this far.

Troy actually has the emotional capacity and attention span of an under exercised spaniel. He would love to hump Ashley’s leg, but he’s learned from previous experiences that this isn’t always welcome.

Troy had never actually touched a woman before MAFS, but he’s quite excited and was overheard exclaiming, “I thought they’d feel like blamanche, but they’re actually a bit like real people, aren’t they?”

My prediction for Troy’s journey is that on meeting Thumbface, they strike up a remarkable bromance, the like of which has never been seen before. The boys’ night of season 4 will seem respectful in comparison to these two, as they try to out-masculine each other. But once the cameras are off, there will be a private moment, where Dean leans in and whispers, “I really like tuna,” and Troy goes for the full washing-machine-cycle snog. They live happily ever after as “flat mates” “good cobbers” “bessie mates” - though everyone knows there is only one bedroom in their apartment and they clearly hold hands under the table whilst chatting about how much they love melons.

Tunaface and Thumbface finding lurve together

Troy actually has the emotional capacity and attention span of an under exercised spaniel. He would love to hump Ashley’s leg, but he’s learned from previous experiences that this isn’t always welcome

😂😂😂😂

Thank you, that’s brilliant Rinder.

If Troy was in the UK he’d be in the red trouser brigade

He definitely would Disco. He definitely would

Troy had never actually touched a woman before MAFS, but he’s quite excited and was overheard exclaiming, “I thought they’d feel like blamanche, but they’re actually a bit like real people, aren’t they?”

I can actually hear him saying this in my mind's ear.

Your predictions are always right (except when they aren't, but that hasn't happened yet), so I look forward to TunaThumbFace (not quite as cool a name as "Brangelina" but never mind) being invited onto the next series, just like NPJ, as another first - the "first covertly gay couple pretending to be straight-as-a-die-melons-are-the-only-fruit-harharhar- we're-real-blokes-us-watch-us-wee-up-this-wall in the history of MAFS".

They will get drunk all the time, constantly make inappropriate comments about the women, grab tts and rses and get punched, kicked and slapped which they will consider hilarious.

Then they'll stagger back to their luxury flat, singing rude songs and being sick on each other, before falling into bed in each other's arms.

The next day they will explain nothing happened between them and why would it 'cause it was just a boys' night and they are a couple of bucks on the razz and anyway they like WIMMIN - old, young, big, little as long as they have a - what do they call those bits on ladies you can put your willie in? Never mind - it'll come to them. . . .

Troy reminds me of High Grant/Jim Carey/Chris Hollins.

DiscoMoo

"If Troy was in the UK he’d be in the red trouser brigade."

What does that mean?

Why do you guys not like Davina. She is fabulous. Ahe mist have a heart of gold to return fur a kiss after oystergate!!!

@Italiangreyhound red trousers are stereotypically the preserve of the braying Hooray Henry.