MAFS Down Under Series Five - Come on . . . join us on the dark side . . you know you want to . . . [grin[

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

Ready for the next car crash carnage - please fill up other thread first. I'm sure you can think of something.

(If anyone else has started a thread, let me know and I'll delete this one.

I’m a bit loud so Mr VD is clearly not put off by a bit of volume!

Sweet lord I've only watched half of ydays episode after watching Mondays and Tuesdays and there's already 500 posts 😭 I don't think I can cope reading through them all. Im already struggling to remember names.

But.

Mr neanderthal and the mum. Doomed. He didn't order kids. Being soooooo masculine he wanted a woman untouched by human hands. He wanted to be the first to have kids with her. She's spoilt goods to him you can tell.

Telv and the ginger one I think will so ok.

The girl who lost loads of weight and just wanted a wedding and had been planning it forever (not a marriage . She just wanted 'the day') is going to be miserable as sin once the wedding and honeymoon is over. When you've built something like that up in your head you've probs not thought about the mundane after it and it will be one hell of a fall for her. So they are buggered. Although MIL who just wants and neeeeds a DIL might do all she can to stop that failing.

Me and DH are both a bit 😳 when they said that bar manager bloke and the overly loud laugh at everything mum were both 39. Same age as DH. He's like am I aging well or what?! Nope. They look like they've had a HARD life. They look a good 10 years older than what they are. Is this what a life in the sun causes?! They are stuffed cos she will do his nut in. How on such separate pages can they be. Get the impression she would have been happy with anyone.

Stopped last night's just as the weddings were about to start but Charlene looked stunning 😍 and I do love a batshit MIL.

I get someone will have a sob story but it's every bloody person. The kid who was poor, the one abandoned when pregnant and had a miscarriage (although that is friggen horrible), the one with the kid, dead parents, dead grandparents, had the dog PTS etcetcetc. Aaaargh.

Already bored of experts that 'keep coming back to' and 'lets lock them in'

Oh and I got down an Instagram wormhole the other night and saw that John of mental debs and John is going through the 'experiment' again. Don't think it's this series though.

Sorry about that. There were paragraphs when I typed that

Oh yes, cringe at 'let's lock them in'. Argh. Gives an unpleasant image of mating dogs

Why do they all aren’t I want a quiet woman !! Bloddy hell its like going back years and years

Are the women expect to put up and shut up !!

It's not about silencing women, nor is it a feminist issue, it's about matching people appropriately. Some people welcome extroverts, some need introverts or it's exhausting for all concerned.

Mr neanderthal and the mum. Doomed. He didn't order kids. Being soooooo masculine he wanted a woman untouched by human hands. He wanted to be the first to have kids with her. She's spoilt goods to him you can tell.

Thumbface and Mz Botox? I agree - he wants a pristine virging, probably because he is so bad at sex (and perhaps so pathetically underendowed - I wouldn't be surprised if he takes steroids and they've shrunk his nuts) that he doesn't want to have any comparisons made between his performance and any previous lovers.

I agree re" Alycia (the weight loss girl). She is so pretty and charming - I think she still has a mental image of herself as being fat, and has absorbed society's judgement of her as being unattractive (I'll bet she wasn't - her face is lovely and I'll bet that big or small she was a stunner!) But I think (as I have repeated ad nauseam - sorry) that her bloke is a party animals and will want to spend all his time out on the lash, while she will be more for romantic evenings gazing into each other's eyes and sharing an ice cream sundae (NB for the sake of historical accuracy, Mr Schaden knows better than to even try to share my ice cream or indeed any of my food.. Just sayin' . . . )

Sewatglands Sean looks 50 - nowhere near 39 - same with Jovial Jo.

I've not had a chance to watch yet - the wasps are quiet . . . too quiet . . . due to cooler, slightly damp weather today. But they are plotting something - however I wanted to read up what was happening and stick my two-penn'orth in!

• pristine virging?

FFS!

Schadenfreude your autocorrect is really trying to help.

I am shocked that I am older than Jo and Sean. Good old UK weather has clearly kept me from those harmful rays.

"Lets lock then in".

Yes. Lock them in to a contract that will make them a laughing stock around the world and preclude them from having a normal life unless they have plastic surgery or fake their own death or both.

Anyone that would touch this 'experiment' with a 25 foot pole with a johnnie on the end should be taken into protective custody by the authorities.

It’s definitely a Catch 22 programme: anyone sane enough to go on the show won’t apply, and anyone who applies is by definition not sane enough to participate.

It’s interesting that the next episode shows the honeymoons of the ones already married before we move on to the next weddings. Not sure if that is to build up our relationship with them as a viewers or whether it’s because there are some revelations to come...

I liked Charlene, she is confident but not overbearing and vulgar like Jo.
Patrick needs to stand up to his overbearing mum, I couldn’t really get his personality because it just seems to be wrapped up with his mother. I think he may be a people pleaser as a result which could be interesting as I think Charlene will need someone who isn’t afraid to stand up to her.

Davina got what she ordered and didn’t like it! She seems high maintenance. I thought she was being a bit mean to Ryan, and she barely spoke to him for the first part of the reception.
I think Ryan may be ok when he gets over the nerves, he seems quite sweet under the initial brashness which I think was caused by nerves. He certainly seemed sweet when he was talking to her parents and to her alone.

Yes the ‘let’s lock them in’ cringe - if he can’t find any other descriptive words then I fear for his matching abilities.

Jovial Jo just ain’t getting it. She’s viewed the ring on his finger as an absolute, I fear this will be the only ring of his she sees.

If any of them saw season 4 they should be worried but I’m loving it!

Davina’s an influencer. She’s there for the exposure and nothing else.

I have just been introduced to MAFS-A and am HOOKED! Hooked I tell you.

Car crash telly at its finest.

I’ve only watched two episodes (Tuesday and Wednesday) but have set series link and am going to spend my evenings bingeing this utterly mesmerising horror show.

It's TV crack, isn't it!

Does anyone else think Alycia looks like Claire from Steps?! She is my favourite so far

I'm the same Sidge first time watching it on Monday, it's brilliant car crash telly, like the good old days of Big Brother

I like Charlene, her dress was amazing and I know she's a bit loud but she seemed really nice and was enjoying herself, I'm not sure about Patrick to be honest, I'll be keeping an eye on him, don't know what to make of his mother, imagine saying "he'll choose me over her", she might be needing mumsnet sooner rather than later.

I reckon Davina is just there to promote her businesses, and her friends weren't very nice, constantly laughing at the whole thing, one of them said "is that him, she'll eat him alive", they came across as very unpleasant.

If I was Ryan I'd have taken the best man round the back and smacked forty shades out of him for that speech, what was he thinking!

Honeymoon tonight, should be interesting

Jo is the Melissa McCarthy character from bridesmaids.

Did anyone else think that the problem with big Andrew in series 4 wasn't just that he was introverted but also maybe incredibly boring ?

'Lock them in' is a phrase from the MTV programme 'Are you the one?'

The contestants get into couples and during a 'ceremony' they come to the front in their pairs and 'lock in' by placing their hands onto a fake scanner!

@astonvanilla

Does anyone else think Alycia looks like Claire from Steps?! She is my favourite so far

I think she also has a look of Bridget Jones.

BTW I am still upset that Simon and Alene split up and also that Susan and Sean never made it. I also loved Big Andy and don’t think he was boring at all! I just don’t think he ever got a chance to say anything.

@Eaumyword it is! I don’t consider myself to have an addictive personality but might have to rethink 😁

@ellenanora5 I have never watched BB, don’t see the appeal of Made in Chelsea etc but this is a game changer. I am AGOG! My take on the couples -

Davina - shallow bint who’s only on it to self promote. I think she’s got quite a nasty side and her beautiful but shallow as a puddle bridesmaids are like her coven of witches. I don’t buy her “oh I’m self sufficient but so lonely” front - I think she’s quite manipulative and wants a fella to prop up her superficial lifestyle. (Too harsh? Maybe).

Ryan - quite sweet underneath his blokey laddish lifestyle. I think he now wants the wife, kids and tea on the table scenario. A bit dim but kind hearted, showed significant self restraint in not decking his best man... I think he’s not alpha male enough for Davina, who I think wants a posey show pony.

Charlene - lovely, insecure, close to her family, a little brash but kind hearted. Fiery enough to clash with his Mummy I reckon - that’s going to be a corker when it happens!

Patrick - not sure about him. Means well, stands up to Mummy a bit but I don’t think he’s got the balls to really stand up to her when it gets serious. Kind hearted and might rub along well with Charlene.

Can’t wait for tonight! What’s the format, do they do the same couples every night or introduce new couples? I saw the bit where they showed the newlyweds waking up together. Jo and Shaun OMFG I think he’s going to give Usain Bolt a run for his money.