I am Nicola

[RedHeadDiana]

Anyone watching? i love Vicky McClure

I watched this thinking that it would be completely relatable as I've just left a coercive and controlling relationship. I couldn't relate to any of it. Just goes to show how abuse comes in many shapes and forms. I would never have confronted my abuser the way she did, and my ex would never have reacted like that in front of other people. He would've waited until we were in the car.

I thought that too hereforit. It was so so awkward. The dialogue before the blow up at the bbq I thought was very well done, the put downs of the house and of her, smoking after her friend said she felt sick.

The fact she could confront him and often did, for things she could have resolved herself, made me think there was a little more to it than it just being him, and we were catching the dying embers.

Exactly. It was all just a bit odd. It didn't really scream abuse at me. There was no context. It was almost really simplified. I hope I'm not awful for saying that. It could well have been part of the abuse but it seemed more to me like the relationship was just toxic and they both hated each other...

I think I worded it wrong. Rather than being one sided abuse, I think she displayed some abusive (or at least manipulative) behaviours too...

I found it really depressing that the female characters had such low aspirations and didn't seem to have any agency - life goal to be engaged? Wants a man to book things? Does everything around the house? Huh? It feels really unfeminist as a piece of work.

Also, that couple whose house they went to were loathsome!

Sun I thought that couple were twats too. His response to their twatishness was disgraceful, but yeah they were dicks.

I think many of us will put our own spin on it, depending on our situation, but I sort of saw her goading as if she knew it was going to happen, what's the point of pretending otherwise, let's just skip to the argument.
I know that's what I've done on occasion.

I found this quite hard to relate to. Nicola was really confrontational with him without any fear and he didn't really do anything. If I'd dared try to speak to my ex like that, let alone shouting and swearing!

She was so independent with her own car, job, no kids, she wasn't scared of him, I struggled to see why she put up with him at all.

I think that's it. There was a real lack of fear. I don't think it was typical coercive control. I think I'm in the minority when I say I didn't think it was s particularly impactful watch though.

He was very apologetic too and admitted issues without constantly turning it back on her.
In my experience, men like that are full of apologies, always followed by a "But" and then some gaslighting bullshit about how if you didn't do whatever then he wouldn't feel like that and this wouldn't happen, etc.

Yes I felt the same sometimes. Although I wondered if that was the fault of the improv. Director says “this is out goal for the scene, I need you to have a massive argument at the bbq. We’ve got cameras set up outside too, so I need you all looking for a row by the car and to finish outside! Go!” They had their markers to keep.

hereforit
I agree with you. ".........It didn't really scream abuse at me............she displayed some abusive (or at least manipulative ) behaviours too."

I meant to add that Vicki Mc Clure was super in it.

Hereforit I agree - he would be more likely to try to lo like the good guy and then lay into her in the car.

I thought the earring comment was good.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought this. I am the last person to minimise abuse. It's sad how many people experience devastating abuse, coercive control included. I just found it disappointing that this film didn't really portray the typical, common, relatable characteristics of coercive control.

Where was the anger? The constant gaslighting? The punching walls but never punching her so you can't accuse of physical abuse? Even when telling her what to wear, it was very controlling but the coersion was missing. I was expecting him to insinuate that she looked fat or less than nice in her outfit.

I dunno. Neither of them seemed like great people and his behaviour was controlling to an extent, but personally I think they missed the mark.

I felt let down after watching it. Coercive control had completely ruined my life (for the time being - working on that). As I said, was the film really THAT impactful? I'm not sure.

It would've been amazing if they had a charity like women's aid or showed some safeguarding points too (non molestation order etc).

Too much to put in one short film. A series would've been better...

Just rambling a bit now sorry!

I agree with you hereforit - it felt more toxic than coercive to me. Maybe it was just a little too subtle, or we were watching the final moments of years of coercive behaviour. Either way, it was well acted and gripping to watch.

@usedtobeasize10 even if it was the dying embers, when he's talking to her about what she's wearing and doing it for attention etc, she confronts him and asks why he's being weird. She knows his behaviour is weird and controlling, but she implies that it's out of the norm. It's a new behaviour from him. The he sits and apologises, says he shouldn't have behaved like that, says she deserves to be treated better, that he's not being as good as he could be, that he needs to make more of an effort... It's all him and he's going to change. No blame on her at all. It's just so wrong. They live together so seem to have been in a relationship for a significant amount of time. I don't see how she could have maintained that level of confrontation throughout their whole relationship. Even though he's acting in a controlling manner, she doesn't seem particularly controlled. I'm really not being very articulate here, I just think it's all wrong.

I appear to be one of the few who found this disappointing, I'm surprised also at the comments about the good acting, I found it really poor tbh.
Something was off about it and I think they really missed the mark unfortunately.

Watching it now and not that impressed tbh.

The acting is pretty poor. And the camera work is making me feel sea sick. 🤷🏻‍♀️ they both seem as bad as one another.

I thought it was very simplistic. She was well dressed, articulate and had a job/car so I can't see why she would be with him in the first place. The ending reminded me of that old VW ad when the girl slams out of the house, dumps her pearls and fur coat then drives off in her car with a smile on her face. All OK now then!
The BBQ couple's garden seemed to be a tiny yard with lots of sheds and no privacy - not the ideal place for al fresco dining,

I guess sometimes even poor people with only a tiny yard want to eat outdoors.

I love Vicky McClure but I thought this was boring. Nothing happened.

Indeed @Lilyofthefields.

Some of us, even, only have roof terraces but we knot our hankies on our heads, drag out our deckchairs and throw a few Richmond Sausages on a disposable BBQ and make the best of it. Ideas above our station I know but it's worth it for a charred hot dog 🌭