Have we hit THE WALL yet? It's SLEB MASTERCHEF Part 3

[Halsall]

Shiny new thread

Thank you Schadenfreude In the words of Villanelle 'I promise I won't be naughty.'

Just realised this is a prerecorded series what with the snow on the ground whilst in the Black Country. Doh!

Ahhhhh I was so behind but just caught up! You're all so funny, I really need to watch and read "live" again as it's so much more entertaining.

I'm afraid I didn't like Zoe and I'm glad she's gone

Those antiques people Goodness. Mr Brooch was slightly terrifying. DH got the total rage with him when he was going on about "you eat with your eyes" and enthusiastically acted out someone putting a plate up to their face and eating via their eyes, ending up with a needlessly aggressive "but take your glasses off first, fuckface". My ribs hurt

Did anyone notice when GreggTheTwat was talking to Stephanie and said "the show must go on" then mumbled something like "dish mustgonout". Inarticulate knobber. And does Jonty actually own another T Shirt apart from that orange one? The less said about Gregg's hat in the Black Country, the better, I feel.

Oh! And Spencer doing a Northern accent when running across a field at that challenge? It's like he confused The Midlands with Yorkshire

Well, that was just a giant rant but I feel better for it I must go now and spill vitriolic bile all over the Australian Masterchef thread

Who do we want to win, btw? I don't think Stephanie will win and have a feeling EvilJohn will, but I'd like Martin or Spenny to win, I have a soft spot for him and only someone completely off their face would wear that shirt

'm afraid I didn't like Zoe and I'm glad she's gone

DH got the total rage with him when he was going on about "you eat with your eyes" and enthusiastically acted out someone putting a plate up to their face and eating via their eyes, ending up with a needlessly aggressive "but take your glasses off first, fuckface".

Actually you can stay because of your excellent DH.

Take this as a warning though

Schaden you would win anyway as you are taller than me If I say DH has a touch of the lovely Martin and is also a foot and a half taller than me he could definitely be an honorary thread member, couldn't he?

He could, and as you have had the sense to choose him, you are very welcome, too.

*non-threatening - not andiron-threatening

This bliddy autocorrect is a psycho!

I’ve just caught up

Serious fucking question. Why do they always get an absolute bunch of cookery amateurs to try the food and then get them to wank on about how a dish should be served. How the fuck do you know?!

ShireyPhallus you are not wrong. I think we need to lobby for a Mumsnet panel of tasters. We can out wank anyone about how food should be served.

Mumsnet will be 20 in 2020 - they could create a tasting around that birthday surely?

four

As long as most of the food was based on chocolate and gin - I think we could do that.

I'm in. I'll knock up a quiche.

I like the mini side drama between John and Spencer and their weird passive aggressive behaviour in regards to the doors!

@ShirleyPhallus
"Wank on"

Sailing

Getting thread to the top of the list in anticipation . . .

Good work Schaden

iklboo no need to knock up a quiche. Our job would be to scarf down the contestants grub and make pretentious comments viz
"You can really taste that the goat's cheese was made from goat Beryl who lives on the right side of the mountain and only eats purple heather"
"This turnip x16 ways is under seasoned"
"Gross slop"
"Toothsome"

THIS may be very useful.

Ah of course! I'll practise my:

'Well I thought everybody knew that you plate your bubbles to the left when adding a spume to a dish! Only rank amateurs swirl to the right'.

'Of course when I was on Masterchef John and Gregggggggg were transported to the astral plane when they tasted my deconstructed fèves au lard au pain grillé'

iklboo I think you've done this before

Mumsnet will be 20 in 2020 - they could create a tasting around that birthday surely?

I'm in. I'll knock up a quiche.

Don't forget, Schaden's already got her sprouts on. They should be done to a turn by 2020

Thank you four

I want some foraged mushrooms, now. I can use them to make an essence to serve with my micro greens. That way it won't over-power my hand-selected oyster-leaf mignonette.

*to be fair, it is a deconstructed pasty - I dropped it when I was serving up

Sprouts are festering coming along nicely Halsall

Hellooo, god you lot are funny

Back in a bit I want pancakes to go with my celeb dishes

Who do we think will win

I don't know whether I want the Serial Killer or the Rich Twat to leave. I don't like either of them.