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Telly addicts

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Anyone watching Madeleine McCann ten years on?

999 replies

spottysuperted · 03/05/2017 21:17

They're framing it slightly differently now.. 😧 interesting from the bbc...

OP posts:
Annie592 · 04/05/2017 08:51

Smellbellina: People want to believe the parents were involved despite there being no evidence at all to suggest that.

Completely agree with this. It makes for a better 'story'. The lack of compassion shown by so many people is astonishing and depressing. I have nothing but sympathy for the McCanns, and a huge amount of respect for the way they've conducted themselves in the face of not just one of worst imaginable thing happening to them, but the vile abuse that's been thrown at them over the years.

BeyondStrongAndStable · 04/05/2017 08:53

The PJ spokesman now said the mccanns should never have been suspected. How does that work? That's just looking back with today's lens and letting it whitewash your procedures.

It is common procedure for family members who were there to be the first suspects. Yes they are often quickly ruled out, but that doesn't mean they "should never have been made arguidos"

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 04/05/2017 09:02

If it's the PJ spokesperson I'm thinking of he said so at the time. AFAIK it's why he quit his job just after the McCanns were made arguidos.

justintimeforacuppa · 04/05/2017 09:05

I don't believe anyone had the right to give the McCanns vile abuse, that's so wrong. But more and more people are turning against them. Too many discrepancies, a total lack of any anguish, the refusal of the 48 questions, cuddle cat, sniffer dogs, lack of any searching from parents, inconsistencies from the tapas 7., and refusal to do a reconstruction.The list goes on and on. It wasn't even like a family holiday, children seemed to be always in crèche. Not a single trace of an abduction. I'm leaving this thread, can't cope with all the naivety.

Chavelita · 04/05/2017 09:27

Honestly, just, of course there were inconsistencies from a bunch of people trying to remember stuff that seemed insignificant at the time, but which developed huge and horrible retrospective significance. Anyone who's ever sat in on a court case with witnesses will see how very fallible memory is, and how much witness accounts vary. And can you not conceive of reasons why a distraught parent might refuse to answer questions in frustration at an investigation she feels is going down the wrong alley?

These threads always seem to end up primly saying the same thing -- the McCanns didn't love their children because they put them in creches/holiday clubs, because they left them unattended, because they didn't cry enough and were too articulate after their daughter disappeared, because they didn't perform grief and guilt in a viewer-friendly manner, because they wouldn't participate in a reconstruction etc, because they have mounted a massive publicity campaign.

This is from Anne Enright's LRB essay 'Disliking the McCanns', which is still one of the best analyses of some of the queasy responses to the parents in the immediate aftermath, in which AE maes herself equally culpable:

Distancing yourself from the McCanns is a recent but potent form of magic. It keeps our children safe. Disliking the McCanns is an international sport. You might think the comments on the internet are filled with hatred, but hate pulls the object close; what I see instead is dislike – an uneasy, unsettled, relentlessly petty emotion. It is not that we blame them – if they can be judged, then they can also be forgiven. No, we just dislike them for whatever it is that nags at us. We do not forgive them the stupid stuff, like wearing ribbons, or going jogging the next day, or holding hands on the way into Mass.

I disliked the McCanns earlier than most people (I’m not proud of it). I thought I was angry with them for leaving their children alone. In fact, I was angry at their failure to accept that their daughter was probably dead. I wanted them to grieve, which is to say to go away. In this, I am as bad as people who complain that ‘she does not cry.’
...

On 25 May, in their first television interview, given to Sky News, Gerry McCann spoke a little about grief, as he talked about the twins. ‘We’ve got to be strong for them, you know, they’re here, they do bring you back to earth, and we cannot, you know, grieve one. We did grieve, of course we grieved, but ultimately we need to be in control so that we can influence and help in any way possible, not just Sean and Amelie, but the investigation.’

Most of the animosity against the McCanns centres on the figure of Madeleine’s beautiful mother. I am otherwise inclined. I find Gerry McCann’s need to ‘influence the investigation’ more provoking than her flat sadness, or the very occasional glimpse of a wounded narcissism that flecks her public appearances. I have never objected to good-looking women. My personal jury is out on the issue of narcissism in general; her daughter’s strong relationship with the camera lens causes us a number of emotions, but the last of them is always sorrow and pain.

The McCanns feel guilty. They are in denial. They left their children alone. They cannot accept that their daughter might be dead. Guilt and denial are the emotions we smell off Gerry and Kate McCann, and they madden us.

That's an extract - It's behind a paywall at the LRB, but available in full on this blog:

toodumbtolivearchive.blogspot.co.uk/2007/10/disliking-mccanns.html

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 04/05/2017 09:38

The inconsistencies thing is a bit like 'well duh'. It's not a particularly strong argument given it would be more suspicious if there weren't any.

And technically the McCanns didn't refuse a reconstruction. They couldn't given their arguido status. The PJ would have just hauled them straight back to Portugal.

Rach6l · 04/05/2017 10:09

Its quite nice that this mn thread is mostly in sympathy with the McCanns, a bit like mainstream media Hmmbecause everywhere else on the internet people mostly are not.

HalfShellHero · 04/05/2017 10:30

Im in agreement with justintime, im not going to slag the mcanns off ,dont think its necessary. But im really not that naiive to think their behaviour was admirable or helpful in the investigation. And yes, far too many discrepancies.

SinisterBumFacedCat · 04/05/2017 10:43

I had a brief look at the AIBU thread last night and there is a marked difference in sympathy on their (as I've seen before on threads from telly addicts and AIBU, there was a program on poor children a few years ago, AIBU was full of judgment and suspicion that the poverty was "staged", Telly Addicts thread wanted to club together and buy the kids school uniforms).
I have deleted a friend on Facebook for sharing a "prosecute the McCanns for neglect petition". I don't know what it is but the vitriolic hate displayed online about the McCanns says more about the perpetrators than the "never able to properly grieve yet parents of a missing child". I didn't realise this actually happened until that online troll killed herself a few years ago after being outed by the press, I didn't think people were capable of hating and targeting bereaved parents, especially seeing as like MrsDV said up thread their are so many cases of children being killed by parents, or a mothers violent partner, who then collude to cover it up, when found out are given a miniscule sentence for causing or allowing their child's death and are then forgotten forever, where are the online petitions to charge them with neglect?
I also dislike the "knowing" comments on these threads re mn being trigger happy about deleting anti MnCann posts because there is some sort of conspiracy going on, rather than some of us still retain enough dignity to believe that attacking bereaved parents is distasteful in the extreme.
Oh and btw, the not showing enough emotion posts, seriously ridiculous. No one could predict how you would respond or react to such a horrendous loss. Who ever sits with a checklist on grieving when watching parents appealing for their missing daughter needs to seriously take a look at themselves.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 04/05/2017 13:15

People keep saying Kate refused to answer questions- well she said "no comment" as she is legally entitled to do, during her 4th interview with the police.
Both her and Gerry had been interviews 3 times before and answered every single question.

Smellbellina · 04/05/2017 13:46

Exactly Ifyou, 48 out of hundreds of questions that she had already answered. Does anyone know what those 48 questions were? Declining to comment might have been quite sensible.

BeyondStrongAndStable · 04/05/2017 14:07

Here they are
www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/madeleine-mccann-48-questions-portuguese-10253481

Giddyaunt18 · 04/05/2017 15:14

There are some vicious attacks on the McCanns on Twitter. People wishing they would get shot!

Giddyaunt18 · 04/05/2017 15:20

I think people don't like it that they are intelligent people and naturally they are able to be and are all over every thing in connection with the case. Some people who come into contact with authority are deferring. They are not because they probably feel at least equal and capable of working alongside the police, reading every bit of evidence and steering the investigation, not just accepting that the case is closed because the money ran out. I applaud them for there determination.

Giddyaunt18 · 04/05/2017 15:20

their!

PacificDogwod · 04/05/2017 15:45

Distancing yourself from the McCanns is a recent but potent form of magic

That is so very true.
"If I judge the McCann's as negligent and thereby indicate that I would never leave my DCs unsupervised, then something as inconceivable as what happened to them cannot happen to me or mine".
It's a talisman, a magic amulet, I totally get that emotion.

I prefer 'There but for the grace of god, go I' and I am not even religious.

DixieNormas · 04/05/2017 16:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Giddyaunt18 · 04/05/2017 16:50

She didn't answer them in protest for having beeb asked the same questions already, twice. So in their eyes, the police were wasting time.

Lizzzar · 04/05/2017 17:19

Odd reactions is no evidence against the Mccanns and people react differently. I think it is very unlikely that they had anything to do with her disappearance, and there is certainly no convincing evidence that they did, but they did leave a three year old and twin two year olds alone in an apartment that could be broken into only occasionally 'checking'. I know that they will have to live with this for the rest of their lives, but it is an extremely irresponsible thing for anyone to do, let alone two educated professionals. If there is any chance at all that Madeleine could still be found, obviously it is still worth trying to find her, but I do think that an apparently botched investigation and the almost immediate media circus, which the Mccanns also unwisely participated it, does make this very unlikely.

TheFirstMrsDV · 04/05/2017 17:44

pacific it is a phenomenon I have seen many, many times wrt bereaved parents.
Instead of sympathy there is blame. MN is sadly very quick to start threads about dead children and insist that the way a child died could NEVER happen to their children.

Slips and falls, drownings, RTAs, poisonings, fire, nothing is exempt from the judgement of other parents whose worse nightmare is losing their own child.

In order to cushion themselves from this nightmare they make up ways in which the parents were so obviously negligent This Sort of Thing can only ever happen to Others.

Its horrendous. You can guarantee within minutes of a story breaking there will be a thread on here (and comments under the news story) and it won't be pretty.
If you object (and I frequently do) the stock answer is 'well its in the public domain' as if that makes it ok to viciously speculate about a grieving family.
Another favourite is 'I think you will find that they will have better things to do than look at the internet!' . This is not true. It is not uncommon for bereaved families to almost obsessively look on-line for mentions of their child, such is their guilt and/or desperate need to feel connected to their child.
Even if they didn't look at their phone for weeks after the death the idea that Bereaved Parents somehow spend the rest of their life in Purdah is ludicrous. The chances are they will at some point stumble across a bunch of gossips enjoying ripping them apart.

The MC stuff is all that writ large. Its disgusting.

JustDanceAddict · 04/05/2017 18:16
  1. No-one knows what happened so we can all speculate.
  2. I was never left alone but we used a baby listening service once in a hotel 'set up' for it. They were upstairs & we were in restaurant. Other times we have used hotel or resort sitters. Never left in apartment on their own - hotel seemed safer although this was a year or so pre-Madeline.
  3. I didn't cry at my mums funeral. I never cry at the times you would think as it's too surreal.
PortiaCastis · 04/05/2017 18:18

The other thread about the poor little girl was deleted due to speculation.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 04/05/2017 18:39

My best friend's dd, was killed in a RTA. My friend didn't cry for weeks.
Good job there weren't any cameras there or some of you would be saying she had something to do with itHmm.

nauticant · 04/05/2017 18:40

TheFirstMrsDV and PacificDogwod, it also seems to include elements of the Just World hypothesis:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Just-world_hypothesis

Whatever it is, it involves "othering" the target so the evil will be magically attracted to them keeping the worried blamer safe.

expatinscotland · 04/05/2017 18:59

'Slips and falls, drownings, RTAs, poisonings, fire, nothing is exempt from the judgement of other parents whose worse nightmare is losing their own child.

In order to cushion themselves from this nightmare they make up ways in which the parents were so obviously negligent This Sort of Thing can only ever happen to Others.' '

It even happens with natural diseases. I've seen countless threads on here with ardent views that cancer is all lifestyle induced. And whilst some undoubtedly are, many, including the vast majority of paediatric cancers (exceptions being children who are exposed to excessive radiation or carcinogen, including, ironically, those who have been previously treated for cancer), are not.

And there are always always posts criticising the lack of emotion on the part of parents. 'If it were me . . .' a) it isn't b) you have no idea how you'd react.