Anyone watching Madeleine McCann ten years on?

[spottysuperted]

They're framing it slightly differently now.. 😧 interesting from the bbc...

Great post expat - absolutely spot on.

People do seem to judge quite a lot of things based on how they think they would react or what they would do.

I've seem it happen a number of times on here with parents of sick children.

Nobody knows how they would react in any given situation until it has happened to them. And even then Not everyone reacts the same way.

I don't blame the McCanns at all. I was just wondering out of interest if that was a common thing to do back then. times change a lot - 10 years is ages in received wisdom about childcare. I don't suppose it matters but I was just wondering

My best friend's dd, was killed in a RTA. My friend didn't cry for weeks.

Yes, some people seem to go into a sort of numb shock, that's the only way I can describe it.

I was discussing this with my friend earlier.

We both noted how everyone always said how distraught KarenM was and everyone thought that's how parents of abducted children should act - yet she knew where SM was.

Yet 2 parents who are composed and speak clearly (like robots suppressing emotion tbh imo) are accused of not caring and probably involved based on how they reacted.

We both said it's so clear that people take fact and for it to whatever agenda they want.

So much of lasts nights programme proved that - the dog getting cuddle cat for example. Yes, they didn't grab it from under the sofa. But what we didn't get told or shown for 10 years is the fact they ignored it after that. Yes dog barked at car and blood evidence was found. But again it's 10 years later we are told there is no evidence it's MM.

My heart goes out to the parents - and my friend and I concluded today that actually we think quite a lot of the publicity and pope and ribbon memorials etc was driven by the media and the parents went along in desperation because they were led to believe it would help.

My DD was ill for two years before she died.
I spent two years holding back the tears and repressing my emotions so as not to scare her. I didn't have much physical space to cry anyway.

By the time she died I had lost the ability to cry. I haven't cried in almost
13 years.
I cannot do it.

My NDN made a dig at me about how I behaved soon after DD died. Apparently they 'couldn't believe [could we mum?, I said, I couldn't believe it] that you were in the front garden so soon'

Apparently I shouldn't have been in my front garden. I don't know who they thought was going to tidy it up in time for the funeral. Its not like they fucking offered.

YY expat Ive seen a lot of those kinds of posts on obesity threads.

DH didnt cry when his dad died back in 2002 Not everyone deals with shock and/or grief in the same way.

Not the same but when I was 20 my Dad collapsed and died right in front of me and I couldn't cry I think I cried about a year later.
My arsehole aunt said I didn't care because I didn't cry at Dads funeral even though she didn't either

expat

mrs DV

Some ppl think you can just turn it on and off like a tap .

MrsDeVere

I wonder how people can be so insensitive and emotionally stunted. Mind you, with some of the stuff I read on MN it shouldn't come as a surprise.

Portia Your aunt needs to do some reading up about shock.

The job I've done for the past 10 years has seen me know 9 children who have died and watch 9 families go through it.
They have all been different. I've respected everyone one for them for carrying on in their own way and getting out of bed everyday and having the strength to just carry on breathing.

MrsDV

Expat

I just don't know how anybody can be blind to the heartbreak all over Kate's face.

I didn't follow the case that closely when it happened (I was struggling to conceive and missing children were too much)

First time I have seen the apartment etc - just speechless at the whole thing now

Ah, gawd, yes, 'othering' - does work so marvellously well to reassure people about all sorts of aspects of their lives, doesn't it?

I think it's the subconscious feeling of potentially being 'tainted' by somebody else's tragedy that contributes to people avoiding others touched by disaster.

And I am so very very sorry that some of you on this thread have experience of just that

'YY expat Ive seen a lot of those kinds of posts on obesity threads.

Yes, also on any smoking or drinking thread. 'Well, I don't smoke, drink and am not obese so I won't get cancer and you/they will,' mentality; or that you won't die early if you don't smoke, drink, are overweight, etc.

I rarely cry, either, MrsDV. Similarly, had no space to do it when DD1 was ill and afterwards, with DS's diagnosis and all the other shit that's gone on, I don't have a lot of space, IYKWIM.

As for shock, I'm surprised it hasn't killed me even nearly 5 years on. Maybe it will someday.

I can't even begin to imagine the paying of losing a child and I'm sorry so many on here have gone through this

I remember when DS was two and let go of my hand in a shop, I turned for a second and he was gone. I found the little bugger a couple of minutes later hiding in a clothes rail, those minutes were the most frightening of my life

I do wonder if the people who talk about the McCann's composure have any idea what it's like to be truly traumatised?

Sadly, I have experienced extreme trauma reactions and presented as the most composed, together person for months and years afterwards.

It's like when the media went for Joanne Lee's throat when she was composed after almost being murdered in the outback.

People/rubberneckers want/expect tears and obvious breakdown. It doesn't work like that when you have just been petrified out of your wits outside of the scale that most people will (thankfully) ever experience.

You shutdown emotionally and present a calm outside shell.

I am surprised that so many people on here think that because it was a BBC documentary it is somehow the 'definitive' account of what happened. They couldn't even get a lot of simple facts right - they called the Madeliene Fund a charity when actually it's limited company.

And to suggest that programme debunked the dogs is just nonsense. The British dogs were brought in on the advice of British police and had a British handler. All of the things that the dogs alerted to were connected to the McCann family. The only apartment they alerted to was the one used by the McCanns. The car alerted to was used by the McCanns. The only clothes alerted to were worn by the McCanns. The DNA recovered was analysed in a British laboratory and found to be almost certainly belonging to someone in the McCann family. The DNA could not proven to come from Madeleine but neither was it proven that it did not come from Madeleine.

Are dogs infallible? No, of course not, but ask yourself this 'are they more likely to right than wrong?'

Tideishigh-

I'm not after lots of hysteria for the press from them.
I'm not into blame games or conspiracies.

I do find it difficult to get my head around the fact that Kate McCann refused to answer questions as some weird protest when just answering them could have cleared her and let the investigation get on.
I also find it odd that their 'charity' is actually a company and they've hired a political spin doctor in the aftermath of it all.
What I don't like (and I will never excuse people being disgusting) is that despite there being no conclusive verdict, the press and websites (MN included) have got to a point where people can recall the 'abducted by a stranger' theory without getting deleted/reported or being accused of 'speculating' but almost anything that asks a question gets closed down very quickly.

I would never go as far as to make claims that some have, but all those factors together make me feel like the discussion of the issue is very tilted to the point where no question can be asked of the parents, which makes me feel uneasy.

I think traumatised Parents don't want to answer inane questions.

maisy

I have not read the full thread

i do find it difficult to get my head around the fact that Kate McCann refused to answer questions as some weird protest when just answering them could have cleared her and let the investigation get on.

But i have seen the answer to this a few times already

Here's my thing though, there's been serious case reviews where police and social services have been criticised for not questioning parents etc.

I feel there's a no win situation here. Take a hypothetical case.

1. Police interview parents and the parents refuse because they think it's stupid. People have a go at the police for interviewing parents.

1. Police don't interview parents and then it turns out that they had something to do with it. Police get slammed and ridiculed in the press because they should have been more vigilant/not just taken the parents word.

To me, anyway, there's a difference between not wanting to do it and being upset and traumatised and point blank refusing to cooperate. If that was a safeguarding discussion in the UK that would set warning lights off. Again, I'm in no way passing judgement either way (nobody can) but it sits oddly with me.

my heart goes out to those who have felt the pain of losing their children.

RufusTheRenegadeReindeer
I have read the full thread. I've seen the reasons. It doesn't take away from the fact that on a personal level i feel awkward about it.

I think the police in that situation couldn't have done it right for anyone. If they interview they pissed people off because "how dare they", but if they didn't and heaven forbid there was something uncovered later then heads would roll and the polixe would be hung out to dry.