Masterchef 2016 Semi final Maaemo Shhmaaemo

[fourquenelles]

Samles rundt mine venner og unngå rollmops

Shining new thread

I was sure that I saw huge flies in that food.

It's just not food. It's entertainment. It certainly wouldn't fill you up. Ok do you probably won't want to eat after such an 'event' but it won't be because you've had a full meal.

I wonder what they drink with it? Battery acid? Whale bile? Badger testicles in brine?

It will be a 'personally curated' 'flight of wines'. Though a series of ever-stiffer whiskies to a) take the taste away and b) numb your senses would probably be preferable.

Would have loved to have heard what Marcus, Monica and Gregson would have said if that had been served up by one of the chefs in the early rounds. Reckon the comments would have ranged from "there's not much on the plate is there?"to " thank the Lord as it's so fucking disgusting" and home they would have gone. Rich and his out there food had NOTHING on this crap.

I am sorry, not a three starred Michelin chef here, but frankly my dears,in my humble opinion strawberries and cream is bloody perfect as it is, and if any chef, no matter how starred starts wanking about freeze drying them, water bathing ,foaming,air drying, shredding,gelling,mushing or in anyway disturbing their innocent glory then that chef should be drummed out of the chefs club and left to vegetate on a desert island to do things five ways to a coconut.

Walk away from the strawberries, chefs, they can not be improved.

Unless you add a bit of meringue.......

I am reminded of the story of the emperors new clothes, when I see some of the stuff they dish up, sorry, I mean plate. Service!

I wanted the finalists to assemble the Norwegian ants dish (flashed at the start among examples from the menu). Would have loved to see Marcus choking that down.

22! dishes on the tasting menu - all with intense flavours and "dressing" (oil slicks) - like an endurance test. My DH got really excited about the food . Glad you all think like me.The chef kept saying it was all so "natural" but it patently wasn't - oyster emulsion then an oyster gel sheet to make it feel like the "sea" - yeah very natural.

viques

I agree viques. Maybe add a blob of chantilly or clotted cream but leave the actual berry the fuck alone. Even my eats-fuck-all 2 year old appreciates a strawberry.

It reminded me of the I'm a celebrity food challenges. How many dishes can you choke down to win stars?

"Flight of Wines"

ACE!

Does anyone know who won? I am dying to know and always read the last chapter of a book as i just can't wait to see who dunnit.

Pleeeeese?

Ummm, no Mavis. The final is tonight. (And even if we did, that would be naughty)

Our Noo got knocked out, Mavis

Final is tonight.

You missed a real shock horror exhibition culinary extravaganza last night!

Wankery of the highest order, the Gurning Grocer pretending he knows what he is talking about, Monica looking fabulous, Marcus looking very twinkly and causing massed knicker-wetting among all of us on thread (and subsequent not-very-veiled threats from squoosh) and all of this combined with a diet of raw and rotten `Dead Things On A Plate at £300+ a head, and all of the chefs waxing lyrical about how this restaurant was the best place in the world to work bar none it was so exciting garnishing plates (I will not call it food) with sauces made of reindeer hooves and mackerel gills and sprinkling them with various pickled abominations, some of which may have been still alive. Everything was "hand gathered" - probably by mermaids, and allegedly so fresh that you would have to slap its face for whistling at you.

Garnishes were painstaking arranged using eyebrow tweezers (with about five "garnish artistes" simultaneously working on each plate) Presentation was all, with the second most common piece kitchen equipment (after the tweezers) being a ruler to ensure that everything was the right size.

Get in on catch-up - you will not regret it.

I saw last night's episode. I'm never going to Norway, which is a pity because its been on my wish list for years. I don't fancy tweezerd food either, yuk!

Mavis, Slaughter lied about the hooves. That was a smoked reindeer heart, grated.

Makes a change from testicles I suppose...

Slaughter wasn't really lying, I put that badly. She was just trying offally hard to spare your feelings.

Too Late footle - you have impugned my honour!

I demand satisfaction!

Gherkins at 50 paces!!!

It was poetic license people! Barely a lie at all.

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There probably were hooves in something. Loads of gelatin used.

Signing in for the final!

Come on Ellie or Wee Man!

Declaring myself team Elly or Gary.

Come on wee ma n!

Thank you Grinchy

You are a True Friend!

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Now folks - the globes are off!

What ho one and all. Christmas gammon is cooked and almost all eaten and I have had hot chocolate with rum. Settling in for the final.

C'mon Gary!

You can do it!

(Ellie second choice)

Get in, back story! Look at his lovely ginger boys!