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EASTENDERS MYSTERIES

980 replies

Blondeshavemorefun · 07/08/2015 23:02

By the end of this thread will

Will Kathy be back?

What is les and massive tits claudette secret

Gbp is still in matching mummy outfits Grin

Will Shabs have her baby?

Any more kids in the kiddi cupboard .........

Will Ben pop back out

Will Lola come back

Who will the cross dresser be

Sure there are more things we need to know

OP posts:
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7
Mrsjayy · 31/08/2015 21:53

I just finished watching it I had to turn it off at one point I know thats a bit dramatic but it was so upsetting wonderfully acted though from them all.

Mrsjayy · 31/08/2015 21:55

I was confused about the airport and the kamil bit had was zeynab supposed to have arrived and not go to the hospital or was she leaving

TheDietStartsTomorrow · 31/08/2015 21:56

That was truly heart wrenching. Shabnam acted her part so well, especially as she was giving birth it. It must have been emotionally draining to film that.

How sad that this is a reality for so many parents. I think it's really helped give an insight into how tragic an experience it is for those who miscarry.

Tamisara · 31/08/2015 22:03

Wow TheDiet - just wow!!! Angry

I cannot, just cannot believe you just wrote that!

You have rubbed salt into wounds I'd hoped had begun to heal. I've not been so offended for a long, long time!

You've just proved that this storyline has done nothing to change misconceptions, or improve understanding, for you to come out with that Angry Sad

Youarentkiddingme · 31/08/2015 22:10

Sobbed at tonight's episode Sad

Flowers for all those who have experienced miscarriages and have stillborn babies in RL. I cannot begin to imagine how tough that is. Also for those of you suffering with mental health illnesses.
Life is truely shit at times Sad

QOD · 31/08/2015 22:17

Was beautifully acted and also the cool moses basket, hopefully makes such things less scary
Im surprised the hospital.didn't suggest photos and hair as.they did when my dn was still born. It's all very sad.

Going back. TO les. His speech På turn is.... SO weird.

And Omg yes he's so like James.

EASTENDERS MYSTERIES
CrapBag · 31/08/2015 22:49

Tamisara I am genuinely confused why you think this story line has done nothing to change misconceptions or improve understanding? Posters seem to think it was very well done.

Lilaclily · 31/08/2015 22:53

I think Tamisara is offended because Diet said miscarry and a still birth isn't a miscarriage Sad

MagpieCursedTea · 31/08/2015 23:13

Very emotional viewing, beautifully acted.

Tamisara · 31/08/2015 23:50

Precisely Lila!

The terminology is so very important, when it is all you have.

I had a miscarriage after Tamsin, and 5 before my son, and I am well aware of how devastating they can be. But they are not the same as having a stillborn baby (exception to late miscarriages who also have to deliver).

The reason it is so offensive? It minimises our loss. I carried my daughter for 9 months - her heart beat longer than a lot of premature babies who sadly died... yet a full-term baby is seen as less of a loss by many.

After my daughter, I endured 'friends' who said to me that they knew exactly how I felt as they'd had miscarriages (early).

I really hoped that this would show the reality, the truth - that a stillborn baby is 'still BORN' Then I see a poster mention miscarriage.

For what it's worth the programme was excellent. The screaming of Shabnam was hard to bear - I remember it too well and swearing at a particular midwife.

SoupDragon · 01/09/2015 07:29

exception to late miscarriages who also have to deliver

Isn't that what happened to Shabnam though?

SoupDragon · 01/09/2015 07:32

Not sure if she was more than 24 weeks though. Devastating either way though :(

Tamisara · 01/09/2015 07:37

Eastenders have said that Shabnam was to have a stillborn baby - so it should be called that.

Mrsjayy · 01/09/2015 07:39

She was over 6 months pregnant she found out when she was 5 months pregnant

Tamisara · 01/09/2015 07:42

I give up! This storyline has sent me on an over-emotional roller coaster, and stirred up deep seated memories.

I really hoped that Eastenders announcing a stillborn storyline and working with Sands, would allow people to see the reality of what happens, and still people use the word miscarriage - and actually it does matter!

southeastdweller · 01/09/2015 07:49

Though it was mentioned in magazines and online, they never said the word 'stillborn' in the show, did they? I agree it matters but also think it's common to misunderstand it with a miscarriage.

SoupDragon · 01/09/2015 08:23

and still people use the word miscarriage

One person on this thread. I only have what has been said on the show to go on and they haven't said anything at all as to what the so called "correct terminology" is. It is utterly devastating whatever name it is given.

I knew Shabnam was over 5 months but wasn't sure if it is was less than 6.

TBH I think the "cut off" dates for one term or another are irrelevant. Being one day either side of some artificially created date doesn't change the facts.

SoupDragon · 01/09/2015 08:25

What I mean is that I doubt you would feel a whole lot different losing a baby at 23 weeks than you would at 24 when the terminology changes.

Mrsjayy · 01/09/2015 08:32

You are right soup dragon I think this story is really harrowing and people dont mean to offend anybody on here with wrong terminology

Tamisara · 01/09/2015 09:28

Soup, Mrsjayy & Diet Flowers

I am sorry for overly-defensive posts. You're absolutely right Soup, there would be no difference; I was acting out of fear and defence - from when people would assume what I went through was the same as early miscarriages (and you would not believe the amount of people who tried to 'empathise' with me that way, when they never would had my DD been born prematurely and died, even though she weighed the same as many 'healthy' babies).

I think the 'viability' is what changes things. If my DD had been delivered the day before she died, it's likely she would have needed no help. She was just two days away from being delivered anyway.

It's just very hard to articulate what it's like. You've had a baby - a healthy baby - which for some reason has died. Your stupid body doesn't realise they're dead, and so produces milk, and you leave the maternity ward, with empty arms, but a vivibly swollen belly.

You know what your child looks like, smells like, how much hair it has (and in my case the colour of the eyes - as her eyes were open).

Yet you have no tangible memories, which can bring comfort... you feel a great loss, but you're not sure of what... see that makes no sense.

I'm pre-menstrual (another monthly reminder of what I lost), and am suffering a depressive episode right now. None of which excuses me, I know. xx

SoupDragon · 01/09/2015 10:12

Goodness, you have absolutely NO need to apologise!

I woke up this morning, gritty and puffy of eye, and that was just from watching a TV programme. I don't think there is such a thing as being over defensive.

Flowers
Mrsjayy · 01/09/2015 10:13

Och lovey ((hug))

Fakebook · 01/09/2015 10:35

Sorry if I offended you with my experience of miscarriages too tamisara...Obviously not anything like what you went through, and like I said before, I can't imagine giving birth to a baby and not bringing them home; it must have been horrible. But I think a loss is a loss and I sometimes feel like my losses are minimised too because they were early miscarriages.

It's not a competition about who is hurt the most or who lost the most....we all need to be sympathetic to one another and learn from one another and accept that everyone handles losses (great or small) very differently. I know I "only" had miscarriages. It still doesn't take away the fact that they have affected me terribly for the rest of my life and that's my experience.

Stellar67 · 01/09/2015 10:45

Oh I am late to this but glad to have found it. I have not had a stillbirth and I can't begin to imagine what families go through.
What a heartrenching two episodes. I watched them back to back. Hard bloody going. I really hope it brings about awareness. It'd made me more aware.

3littlebadgers · 01/09/2015 10:46

Tamisara I know exactly what you mean. I lost my precious girl at 40+5 in March. She was perfect and no reason was found. At the hospital memorial service for all of the babies who had died, the chaplain refered to our pain as being 'sadness over our lost pregnancies' it was like someone had pulled the rug from under my feet. I couldn't give a fig about pregnancy. There are few mothers who reach the end of their pregnancy and aren't desperate to just get it over with so they could meet there precious child. Had the pregnancy ended weeks before it did my darling girl would probably still be here.
When I was pregnant I had envisaged so many times about what it would be like to see her for the first time, to introduce her to her siblings. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine the first time I'd get to see her would also be my last. That when her siblings got to see her she'd be stone cold, her little lips already turning black.
I am so glad eastenders did this story line. I had so many friends and family contact me to warn me not to watch but this is my reality now. When it happened to me I was desperate to see, hear, know I wasn't on my own. I really do think it will help others in our situation.
I guess there is a limit to what can be shown though. So you have to understand that what you were seeing, although true to life in many ways was also very dumbed down. In real life giving birth to a stillborn child is more distressing as I am sure Tamisara and others would agree. Despite the pain of the contractions, of my body bearing down, I was pushing my thighs together so in a desperate attempt not to let my child go. From what the midwife said it is not uncommon. Having to deliver the placenta in itself is traumatic. That final part of what your child and you shared, what would it show? If my labour and the labour of others like me had been as it had been in easterners last night I think we would have been lucky. Sadly in real life it is much much harder and I think that is important to appreciate too.
Tamisara I am sending you much love and wishing you peace my lovely Flowers

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