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Panorama - I want my baby back

996 replies

BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability · 13/01/2014 21:29

Anyone watching?

This promoting of the idea that SS want to steal babies makes me very uneasy...

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 20/01/2014 23:54

fair do's < been there >

MadameDefarge · 20/01/2014 23:56

fanks AF!

BoreOfWhabylon · 21/01/2014 01:13

Flowers MDF

inlovewithgarp · 21/01/2014 01:22

Spero - ask suesspiciousminds/pinktape for advice? sure they would also promote. WordPress is free is it not?
let me know if you'd like any input from me, in view of the "future risk of emotional harm" thing.
Really brill idea, think it would help frightened parents loads, I would've been on my knees to find such a thing when my baby was first taken.

Nightowl12 · 21/01/2014 01:55

I'm really up for doing a sort of hand book. One that is helpful, calm and gives clear advise.

Don't want it to be aimed anti this or anti that. Those things always cause more trouble. We need one that has input from every profession, so that everyone can sort of agree on the basics. How to handle things. What tests to ask for. Best solicitors. Experts etc.

If I had something like that I would have found it invaluable.

I did come across a site aimed towards helping parents. It was great and I met some great people. However it was so anti social services that it made me look like I was some crazy person looking for a conspiracy. Which isn't ideal.

It needs to be balanced. And to the point. So that not his parents can find it helpful but maybe even social workers. Who knows.

MinesAPintOfTea · 21/01/2014 06:53

Spero: I run two blogs (one professional and one hobby) and you can get free blogging space on somewhere like WordPress.com or buy your own site to have your own domain. Both of my sites use WordPress but the professional one has its own domain.

Spero · 21/01/2014 07:10

I will talk to Pink Tape - she has loads of blogs/websites! and also ask suesspiciousminds how he runs his.

We could start with a Word Press site and see how it goes?

Is it dead easy to set up? Remember I am massive luddite, but if it is just a question of typing things I can manage.

If the parents here feel happy submitting short piece along the lines of what they have already said here, that would be great or I can just cut and paste from the comments.

Spero · 21/01/2014 07:34

Ok, I have got to go to work now but I will have time in evening and on weekend to sort something out.

I am thinking about a brief introduction - how we all 'met', what we are worried about and how we want to try to help by basically sharing our perspectives and providing links to other helpful resources and organisations.

The we could have A View from a Lawyer, A View from a parent etc.

and hopefully add more stuff as we find it which may be useful, ask for input from other professionals - for e.g. it would be VERY helpful to get A View from the A and E doctor; why am I suspicious, what questions will I ask you, how can you best help your child etc.

We must have some A and E doctors on mumsnet!

I assume we also have some mumsnet bloggers here? How easy is it to get mumsnet to link a blog so we can be featured here?

Spero · 21/01/2014 07:37

o and also a guest post by a psychologist explaining what is meant by 'emotional harm' ?? there is a LOT of misinformation out there about this.

I really think this has the potential to be a brilliant resource and encapsulates 'working together'.

Spero · 21/01/2014 07:40

I am assuming nothing like this is already out there, but please someone correct me if I am wrong - I don't know much about what the Family Rights Group offer for e.g..

inlovewithgarp · 21/01/2014 08:55

Honestly Spero, there isn't - I looked when my baby was taken. It is a desperately needed resource. FRG are very good, and you could perhaps link to their discussion boards, they have "information sheets" - downloadable documents explaining (extremely clearly IMO) the child protection process from CIN framework up to adoption. I know a trustee of FRG - could run this by her today?
Can I say I wouldn't personally name JH/IJ et al or even allow them to be mentioned on the blog. Just so it doesn't end up like it has done on here with a lot of bloody good advice getting lost whilst they come on and argue. For a birth parent, you don't have the capacity to sift through to find the important points when you are going through the CP process - you just need succint, concise and easy to read information in a clear and accessible format (and your child back, if we're asking for stuff).
Hope you don't mind me saying that, it's not a criticism, I'm just coming at it from "our" point of view.

Spero · 21/01/2014 09:04

LETS DO THIS

Garp, yes please will you talk with FRG - I want this to run alongside what they do, not tread on any toes or duplicate stuff unnecessarily.

Spero · 21/01/2014 09:06

Fwiw I don't think we could or should ignore JH or IJ or turn them into some unmentionable Voldemort BUT I completely agree, the good points get lost in the slagging matches.

I have spent three years having the same fruitless arguments with these men, they won't change, so let's do something different.

inlovewithgarp · 21/01/2014 09:10

Spero - will do today.

Grin
BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability · 21/01/2014 09:56

Mumsnet bloggers is a piece of piss Grin

You need to have at least four posts, fill in the form on here with a link, and they'll look at it and (hopefully) approve it. Done.

Mine is on here, and mine is only a little wordpress thing :)

OP posts:
Lioninthesun · 21/01/2014 10:05

I think putting IJ and JH written articles together under a banner "Why I am scared of Social Services" and going through their myths point by point and dispelling them, would possibly show how outlandish their claims are.
I really hope this will be a great source for so many people.

Nightowl12 · 21/01/2014 10:54

We need to get views from doctors, solicitors, caffcass, teachers (they have a role protecting children) a and e, parents of course, psychiatrist, doctors who are trained in specialist areas, so we can talk about one problems, bruising, all the usual signs of abuse and how they can be an in common or unknown medic problem and what tests to ask for to cover those.

The important thing here is that we don't want there be be any doubt. Wether it be the innocent parent, who needs the tears done to 100% prove there is an issue. And so that thr abusive parent can be wishy washy and possibly get away with it because there are ifs and maybes.

I'll be up for writing something.

It definitely can't be anti anything. I found a group called pain and although I think they are brilliant, the slightest mention of them in court and you're deemed a trouble maker.

Spero · 21/01/2014 10:59

Yes I agree - our only agenda is to promote information and help from a variety of perspectives. The only thing we will all agree on is that children deserve a safe home, with their parents whenever possible and that investigations should be thorough, fair AND as quick as possible.

I don't want to censor any views but the more extreme baby snatchers already have copious amounts of web space so I think we would be justified in asking those perspectives to be limited or very clearly explained so the debate is not just two different sides shouting at each other.

BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability · 21/01/2014 11:12

I've just been looking through topics to find somewhere to put a specific thread about this. Surprised to see there is nothing along the lines of "when things go wrong" in parenting. Do you think it would be worth suggesting a topic like that, or can anyone see anything appropriate that i've missed? Would also be handy after this blog is all set up to have one place where anyone going through ss referrals could talk together?

OP posts:
NoseWiperExtraordinaire · 21/01/2014 11:46

That's a good idea Beyond, and another vote of thanks and appreciation of the recent posts of Nightowl and EM2003, particularly, as well as another voice in agreement here of an MN guide; something POSITIVE to come out of all this.

With respect to a guide, I would add there seems to be three clear areas that could be looked at in terms of whether a reader might be at the beginning, middle or end of CP process (and what to do next if not happy with the way things went, regardless of outcome).

If there's anything I can do, I'd be happy to help, even though I too have to to dip in and out a bit. This topic is too hard sometimes, and so easy for mis-communication and misunderstanding amidst complete and utter bonkersness.

For example, I spent ages drafting responses to earlier posts, with an apology to Kewcumber and MaryZ if my questions had led them or other adopters to feel attacked in anyway, and a LONG explanation of my reasoning and intent, which was based on experience and not the contribution of adopters on these threads; however the thread moved on so much and so quickly, it didn't all seem appropriate any longer and I've not yet been time sufficiently able, or perhaps brave enough, to rejig and post again, but I would like the sentiment and apology to be there none the less.

NoseWiperExtraordinaire · 21/01/2014 11:50

Bracket fail:

appreciation of the recent posts (of Nightowl and EM2003, particularly)

Spero · 21/01/2014 13:06

Yes - good idea to divide up into segments, depending on where you are at.

So, Before, During and After.

And some birth parents can give their overall perspectives of the whole thing as they are the only people, possibly apart from some SW, who will go through the whole thing at each stage.

I have spoken to a children's solicitor this morning who wants to write something about the child protection meetings for eg.

AnywhereOverTheRainbow · 21/01/2014 14:09

Spero, we are nearly at 1000 posts.

I have one blog on wordpress, I can help you with technie thingies if you need support. It is not that difficult :)

Spero · 21/01/2014 14:17

Yes, I was just popping back to say that Beyonds suggestion re the parenting threads is a good one.

Should we start up a thread in parenting to ask people to contribute their ideas and/or experiences with the system, good bad or indifferent.

Or would that be offending against forum rules? This isn't to make money or improve anyone's reputation, it's just about gathering information and presenting it in accessible and helpful form.

NoseWiperExtraordinaire · 21/01/2014 14:28

That's not a bad idea Spero, or perhaps ask MNHQ how best to go about it? I have to say I was rather hoping without JH domineering these threads, that it might be possible to start looking forward to solutions. I am really glad that has started to happen.

This may be a little premature, but with respect also to support for birth parents, and the issues around post adoption contact, The University of East Anglia has also been very active in researching this area, although sadly I am unaware how far the lessons from such research trickle down into practice. Maybe the MN guide could help that.

One such piece of research here:
www.uea.ac.uk/swp/rass/Lit%20reviews/litreviewbirthfamilies.pdf

Many more on their website:
www.uea.ac.uk/centre-research-child-family

Swipe left for the next trending thread