15 kids and counting

[AKissIsNotAContract]

Starting in 15minutes on channel 4. Anyone else going to watch this?

Damm missed it and I can't wath I player of similar over here.....

I searched the #15kidsandcounting and was horrified to see someone saying ?utter scum. can't believe the council are paying for their kids and an 8 BEDROOM HOUSE?

Yeah...

they weren't scum at all. they were badly edited in the beginning with regards to diet and food, but by the end of the programme, their personalities shone through.

I think the editing has got an awful lot to do with how both these families have been perceived. Although I thought the 12 girls and mums obsession with their less than mediocre looks laughable, I certainly didn't think they were a horrible family. And flame me if you wish but I'd much rather have them living next door to me than Fabian's brood.

It's all in the editing. Shame, really as lots of us are certainly fascinated at the realities of what it would be like to raise or be in a large family.

I felt for the 'poorer' family. They weren't a family of ten through births but by taking on children for previous relationships and siblings children. I think they genuinely had the childrens best intentions at heart and the father clearly wanted them to bond and work hard. He was a grafter, he worked for the same company for twenty odd years before being made redundant (and in this economy hardly a surprise) can't believe people on other forums are calling them benefit scum when it was quite clear from the programme that they were trying so hard to work against that perception.

spongefinger - not going to flame you but am interested. can you elaborate why you feel that way about fabian's family?

I watched it last night had recorded it , I thought fabian and donna had a hard time with all the children blended familiys can be hard but with so many they had their work cut out , i felt for donna just wanting it all to work out she looked exhausted , the beauty queen mother scared me slightly especially when she was dusting trophies she had a weird glint in her eye and her daughter going on about princess diana at her compition was cringeworthy infact i slid down my seat , but they seemed a happy familiy did feel for dad and charlie though as it was a girls rule house ,

competion* not the drivel i typed

I watched the first episode through my fingers and I don't know if I can watch the second. It brought back too many memories.

I have siblings in the double numbers, and all I could do was listen to those younger children from the family of 15 and nod. The noise, the lack of peace, the constant fights, the ganging up, the inter family politics, the responsibility for looking after the younger ones.... Ugghh.

When I had my DD the midwives commented quite frequently about how competent and relaxed about caring for my baby I was, despite being an older mother. That's because by the time I was 7 I could make up some formula, warm a bottle, feed, change a nappy (cloth with pins in those days) bath and dress a newborn with competence. Like all of my siblings I put off having a family until I was well into my 30's. We all knew, only too well what looking after a baby entails. I had already effectively parented my younger siblings, I needed to get over the experience before I felt up to voluntarily doing it for myself.

I live 12000 miles away from most of my family. And that's the way I like it. We are, as a bunch, remarkably non-communicative. The sibling I see most often rings me about twice a year, and only then because he wants to crash on my sofa for a few days. It's not that I don't like them (well, apart from one who I positively loathe) but I just don't see any reason to socialise with them. They are, for the most part, exactly the same. One brother went incommunicado for 10 years. These parents who have large families in the hope of creating a strong family bond and never being lonely may find themselves sadly mistaken in later years.

Awww slug how sad but glad you are happy now... I was one of four and many if the scenes remind me of my childhood (scrapping mostly)
Dp and I have a big family but nature has meant its v spaced out. My teenagers natures means they never lift a finger so that sorts another issue!! I am v aware that making ALL my children's childhoods my priority is my main aim in life and hopefully that will lead to a happy family

Exhausting at times...

That's a really interesting perspective, slug. Do you and your siblings have much to do with your parents, or have you never really had a close relationship?

Donna and Fabian look older than their years - must be stressful! Fabian reminds me of my late grandad, which he wouldn't want to know!

The other family are meh apart from Carly. The dad seems pleasant enough, but completely ineffectual!

He wasn't completely ineffectual, though, he must be good at making babies?

I have a sneaky feeling thats all beauty queen dad was there for to make babies , oh and money for the sparkley sparkley clothes

I guess TartyMcFarty that I would describe my relationship with my parents, as friendly but vague. I definitely have a closer relationship with my MIL. None of the siblings lives close to our parents, the closest is about a 2 hour drive away.

They tend to get us confused with each other.

I blame the Waltons. The chocolate box image of a large happy family is far from my experience. I grew up in a town with a large Catholic population, so large families weren't rare. I have friends whose families range from single child to 13. Looking back, about 4 children is the maximum before you start to see the detachment happening.

I'm not saying it was all bad. You learn a lot, like how to get on in a crowd, how to shout loud enough to be heard, how to share how to care for babies and children and how to survive on a small budget. But you also learn that you will never be the best at something, that your opinions don't really count and that if you want to do something you can't rely on anyone to help you.

Slug - I find your comments to be sweeping generalisations and frankly wrong. Plenty of parents of one and two kids are crap and lazy ... Equally parents of four or more can be brilliant. I'd love to know your attitude towards working parents - any 'detachment ' there??

I agree lockets - this does not ribg true with my dc either tbh - they are all stars in many ways and none has to shout to be heard ....

My DH is from a big family, and he has said no more than 3 children, and is the one who kept putting back children, all through our 20s. His experience is similar to Slug, except he had very involved grandparents who lived in the same village, and helped bring them up. He was devastated when his grandpa died, as it was like loosing a parent, only his favourite parent, who took him to the cricket club, and on fishing holidays etc.

He is close to his parents, but not as close as I am. He's also very close to one of his sisters (three years younger than him). This particular sister and her husband and their children, live five minutes away, and we see them at least once a fortnight. My husband has always been particularly close to this sister, the others we only see at the family gatherings.

Without his grandparents involvement, I don't think he'd have had such a happy childhood. His dad had to work very long hours to pay for them all, and his mum was always rushed off her feet.

I have 5 (hopefully 6 soon) children and am conscious of all the downsides - not enough attention etc, and do feel guilty about it. However, I think that it isn't just down to the number of children, and of course parents of 6 children can give their children more attention than a parent of 2 children.

Also, my H who comes from a family of 3 children isn't close to his parents or brothers, so it isn't down to size alone.

Otoh my mother came from a family of 9 children and always said that she wouldn't have so many - but in her case they were VERY poor, had an alcoholic abusive father. she spent her time mothering the younger ones which she resented, but still made me do the same to my sister who was 11 years younger than me.

NotnOtter. All the comments i have made have been about my personal experience of growing up in a large family. I'm not sure how you got around to thinking these were sweeping generalisations I'd like you to point out just where my comments about my family are "frankly wrong". Are you one of my siblings?

The fact is, my parents did the best with the time they had but most of my parenting came from my siblings. It's quite telling that all the comments on here from people who grew up in large families were about how they wouldn't do it themselves.

Well said slug.

You are clearly not alone:

ReneeVivien Wed 18-Jan-12 08:42:14
I must admit to having a bit of a prejudice against very large families in general (my mum is one of 11, dad is one of8, dd's dad is one of 9, and all of them found childhood pretty horrendous) and think that it's a bit of a gamble that the quality of interaction with so many siblings would offset the loss of parental attention. But it's all down to resources, isn't it? Some parents are just rich in the things that count - patience, energy, ingenuity etc. I couldn't do it, but some clearly can. These women seemed to be doing very well, though I would have liked to have heard more in-depth from the dc about how it felt for them

blacksausages Wed 18-Jan-12 19:07:04
I am the youngest of 9 kids and quite frankly I was raised by my brothers and sisters. I had hardly any parental time at all because I didn't need it because there were always older siblings on hand to do stuff for me. I didn't see the problem then but now I have my own children I realise that it's essential and I have a poor emotional connection with my parents as a result.