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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Need some advice from some more experienced mums.

36 replies

valleyqueen · 28/01/2010 21:43

My DD (11)is going to the cinema with her friend on Sat, I will be shoppng in the same place while they are in there. She wants to go to Claires after to spend some birthday money and then to New Look,she wants to go alone with friend so I agreed to go for a coffee (and cake of course) in Costa so they can shop.

A friend thinks this is too much too young,I don't know anyone with kids my DDs age so some advice on how you started the giving more freedom thing would be very much appreciated.

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 28/01/2010 21:47

I think this would be fine ..you know if your dd is responsible enough to meet you at an agreed time ..

Original poster
valleyqueen · 28/01/2010 21:55

I am almost certain she would she will also have her phone with her. I have warned her that if she breaks the rules the first time will be the last time.

OP posts:
maryz · 28/01/2010 22:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GooberHasBookedHerHols · 28/01/2010 22:19

It is fine.
Does she have a phone? It would be reassuring for you both.

coldtits · 28/01/2010 22:20

your friend = ridiculous. Perfect age to start. Does her child not walk to school, or is it helicoptered there too?

2shoes · 28/01/2010 22:25

i would let her, but be available iynwim

Original poster
valleyqueen · 28/01/2010 22:25

lol not only is he helicoptered coldtits she sometimes stands in the playground until bell. Not cool.

Don't like this growing up business but its gonna happen with or without my cooperation.

OP posts:
Original poster
valleyqueen · 28/01/2010 22:28

I will be v available,will have phone on at all times.

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 28/01/2010 22:32

11 is fine with a phone that is available to use (i.e. not turned off or going straight to messages) and just one friend.

Original poster
valleyqueen · 28/01/2010 22:37

Def only one. She asked another 2 from class and their mums said no.

OP posts:
TheFirstLady · 28/01/2010 22:48

My 12-year-old has been doing this since she turned 11. She and her friends will often walk into town together (about half a mile away) and spend a couple of hours going round the shops and maybe go to Costa for coffee or Subway for lunch if they have some money. I'm pleased they are learning to do things for themselves and they have fun trying on clothes in Topshop and checking ou the make-up in Boots. Your friend sounds ridiculously overprotective.

Mmmcoffee · 28/01/2010 22:53

Tell your friend it's fine. You'll be in shouting distance for most of the time FFS!

My DD turned 12 a week ago. Before Christmas she and her friend went to the Grafton in Cambridge, a huge shopping centre, and went to the cinema, Claire's and New Look while we sat in Costas and ate and drank way too much.

I reckon Cinema, Claire's and New Look are the new secret Must-Do trip for pre-teens...

BicycleBelle · 28/01/2010 22:56

My 13 year old started doing this from about 11. Like you I hovered close by at first, but not she gets the bus in with a friend. Its important to let kids grow up . . .

Lilymaid · 28/01/2010 22:59

Of course what is proposed is fine. On the first trip you hover nearby out of sight and then take it from there - e.g. next time you might permit them to travel there and back by specified buses alone.

pinksancerre · 28/01/2010 23:11

My dd turned 11 yesterday and she is going to the cinema with a friend on Saturday, first time alone. Like you I will be near by and dd will have her phone. No problem I don't think....

blijemuts · 28/01/2010 23:13

My 12 year old has been doing this since she was 11.She now goes with a friend by bus.Town she travels to is 10miles away. We had a chat about it,I said I felt she was ready to handle the responsability.Made sure she was well informed about does and don'ts.
She always has her phone on her AND switched on.We have the approach we trust our Dc's unless proven wrong.
Are VERY strict about keeping us informed where they are and Timekeeping.No exeptions accepted.So far so good.......... No point giving them wings if you don't teach them how to fly.

Original poster
valleyqueen · 28/01/2010 23:15

Thanks everyone,I was fine about her going but just needed confirmation I was normal to do this. All my other friends with kids have babies so are not really there yet. And one BBC over protective one.

I know where to come for advice in future.

OP posts:
Original poster
valleyqueen · 28/01/2010 23:18

That was supposed to read very over protective. Not sure what happened there

OP posts:
mumblechum · 29/01/2010 11:30

Sounds perfectly reasonable to me.

Monty100 · 29/01/2010 14:39

Seems fine to me especially as you'll be hovering around.

mummyflood · 29/01/2010 15:28

There are 11yr olds and 11yr olds. Is she year 6 or 7?

If YOU feel she is mature enough and are happy with the conditions/arrangements you have in place, then it sounds like a lovely day out for her. Your friend's DD may be much less confident perhaps??

DS1 (now 16) would have been no problem whatsoever with something like this at 11. DS2 (now 14) OTOH, would probably have either popped out half way through or rang me to make sure I was still in the vicinity!! but I would still have encouraged him to go if he was asked. I know of several people who, at the same age, have done exactly what you are going to do, i.e. been in the same area for the first occasion and given more freedom gradually.

olderandwider · 29/01/2010 15:37

I think all will be fine. Only fly in ointment could be hassle at cinema (is your DD seeing a 12A or a PG or U?). DD and her friends were upset once at cinema when unpleasantly challenged by manager over their ages for a 12A (they were all 12!) but, after politely asserting they were all 12 and reciting DOBs they ended up being allowed in.

I am sure you have already thought of this scenario!

mumonthenet · 29/01/2010 15:42

I know you've already decided it's ok to let her but I just want to agree with everyone - this is a perfect way to start giving more freedom AND RESPONSIBILITY. Her responsibility is to turn up at the appointed time and place, after the movie/shopping.

You'll find she'll rise to the challenge perfectly because she'll feel all cool and grown-up and you will be starting great habits for when she's 15/16 etc.

cat64 · 29/01/2010 15:50

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Message withdrawn

lesley2460 · 29/01/2010 18:14

I have two dd's, 13 and 11. I allowed both of them to go shopping in town with friends (sensible ones) when they were in Year 6. They have to have their phones turned on at all times - obviously making allowances for when they go out of signal in some shops. I have never had a problem and feel happier letting them go into town or to cinema or bowling than letting them wander around the park or local housing estates. I also have friends who don't let their kids do anything much - they're mostly growing up very nervous and terrified of leaving their mum's side - not good!