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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Despairing of my DD's lack of fashion sense

101 replies

Remotew · 11/11/2009 17:52

Try not to moan about my DD (15) on here as she is basically a very easy teenager but things have come to a head re her sense of dress.

I long since realised she was never going to be interested in fashion but it's getting ridiculous.

She wears the same pair of jeans most of the time. I have to go out a buy her clothes myself. We don't get chance to shop together much as we live in a rural area. When I take her into town she isn't interested and says she doesn't need anything.

Her friend came round to go out, kitted out in the latest, as most of them are. She came down in a vest top and flimsy jacket! On a freezing night so I had a bit of a go. Truth is I'm embarrased as it looks like I carn't afford to clothes her nicely. She changed into a warmer coat eventually.

Any tips to get her to take a bit more pride. On the rare occasion that she goes to a party I have to buy her a dress or borrow something and she looks lovely.

OP posts:
JackBauer · 11/11/2009 17:58

Sorry to be blunt but you need to leave her alone and let her dress herself.

My mum was always buying me clothes so 'I'd look nice' as apparently I 'look so much prettier in a dress'
used to make me want to dress like a scal even more. I found my style at the age of about 20 so just be glad you have a child not obsessed with fashion, good for her.

AnyFucker · 11/11/2009 18:00

err, this is my 14 yo dd to a tee !

she has a wardrobe full of clothes but wears the same too-small jeans and scruffy t-shirt (not even scruffy in a trendy way IYKWIM) every day

I take her out shopping but she stares at the walls and refuses to look/consider anything I offer to buy her

I have bought her stuff, she swears she likes it and will wear it

cue, sits in wardrobe unused for a year until I throw it away, or ebay it

we are now at stand-off

I have refused to buy her anything as is a waste of money, she has an ever-dwindling stock of clothes

< sigh >

I feel your pain

Original poster
Remotew · 11/11/2009 18:03

I do try but I couldn't let her go out on a cold night in summer clothes. Or should I just leave it and let her learn? It's hard not to intervene.

OP posts:
Original poster
Remotew · 11/11/2009 18:05

So glad to know I'm not alone AnyFucker. She would rather go into Waterstones than New Look!

OP posts:
cocolepew · 11/11/2009 18:08

Why shouldn't she rather go to Waterstones than New Look? . It's not a rule that because you're a female teenager you have to be interested in clothes.

TrinityHasAVampireRhino · 11/11/2009 18:08

please leave her alone

its mean to try and make her fashionable

very mean

warmer, yes

fashionable?

really not okay

TrinityHasAVampireRhino · 11/11/2009 18:09

'she would rather go to waterstones than new look'

is that a problem is it?

scrappydappydoo · 11/11/2009 18:11

Actually she sounds alot like me - I'm 34 and have lived in jeans and t-shirt since I was 12. Drives my mum spare but its me - its what I feel comfy in and imho comfort is more important than fashion. I am actually dreading my dds growing up to be fashionable as I don't have a clue. Its not that I don't care about my appearance its just not whats important to me. Fwiw I do dress up when I'm expected to - weddings etc but only with alot of help from my mum.
OTH I do agree about wearing something appropriate for the weather.

PfftTheMagicDragon · 11/11/2009 18:15

Good lord, you despair because she would rather buy books than clothes? Really!?

Maybe she feels sad because you won't accept her as she is and so she just gets scruffier and scruffier.

I was not interested in fashion at that age, was into wearing trainers, jeans, tshirts, indie music, I am still the same now.

It is probably just her personality. Stop trying to change her. She will get a complex.

AnyFucker · 11/11/2009 18:57

ok ok

tis hardly child abuse to offer new clothes is it ?

piscesmoon · 11/11/2009 19:12

'Truth is I'm embarrased as it looks like I carn't afford to clothes her nicely.'

It isn't about you! I would leave well alone-not everyone is interested in clothes and appearances. I had a friend like that when I was young and it made relations with her mother very strained. She never got out of her jeans and old jumpers, without being forced and she is no different all these years later! I always smile when people want a DD to go shopping with-it seems a huge assumption.

JANEITEisntErudite · 11/11/2009 19:21

I would sooooo rather go to Waterstones than New Look. New Look is mostly rubbish, especially for teenagers, unless they want to wear neon or leggings or hoodies, or a neon hoodie with leggings or any combination thereof.

She sounds a lot like my dd2, who really isn't into clothes and lives in a pair of jeans and a jumper, which are washed then put on again; whilst they are washed, she wears a different pair of jeans and a jumper. So long as she is clean and her hair is at least half brushed, it really doesn't matter - unless the clothes don't fit.

Re: going out inappropriately dressed for the weather - let her get cold and wet - she'll soon learn! I remember building a bonfire in the November that I was 14, dressed in a denim mini (mini mini) with bare legs, peep toe sandals and a little cap-sleeved t-shirt. Nobody died.

JANEITEisntErudite · 11/11/2009 19:22

DD1 however, loves shopping and looks good in everything - so I take her instead!

Othersideofthechannel · 11/11/2009 19:24

I don't think anyone should dress to please anyone else.

RockinSockBunnies · 11/11/2009 19:29

I'd happily live in Waterstones. You'd have to pay me to go into New Look.

If she's not worried about fashion then who cares? Fair enough that she needs to dress warmly in winter, but other than that, let her develop her own sense of style.

tracyvontrapp · 11/11/2009 20:08

She sounds lovely. Take her to a bookshop and treat her with what you've saved not buying overpriced tat from Topshop.

Original poster
Remotew · 11/11/2009 23:31

Thank you everyone. I do appreciate your comments. We have been for a family meal tonight and the friends dad, the one who is always in the fashion, asked me how he can encourage his DD to dress like my DD as she always looks classy!!! ROFL

I will back off a bit, but don't want her to be singled out anymore than she needs to be. She overheard some of the popular girls chatting about how much older she looked when she made an effort or borrowed her mums clothes.

Anyfucker I lent her my T shirt and she wears it and loves it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Remotew · 11/11/2009 23:49

Everyone who knows me on mumsnet knows how I love my DD but when you are offering say £50 quid now and again to buy some new clothes and they refuse its a bit .

Anyway a pretty face and fantastic personality is better that the most fantastic clothes anyway so thanks for all your comments.

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 11/11/2009 23:51

There might be an element of wishful thinking- I know when I see my dd(13) I wish I could be that age again and dress up a bit. But I guess they have as much right as we did to look like a dog's dinner

It sounds like she looks fine though, and on balance, it is rather nice, I think, to have a dd who isn't clothes-obsessed and loves a good book.

MavisEnderby · 11/11/2009 23:53

I think I sympathise with your dd.I would be more proud of a girl who was more into Waterstones than fashion.Hopefully she will find her style sense a she matures.She sounds like me a a teen tbh

dittany · 12/11/2009 00:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Remotew · 12/11/2009 00:10

Thanks BOF and Dittany.

As I have said I know she will not conform to the fashion obsessed teen but I can afford to buy her clothes that at least match the season but her indifference even goes against these norms.

Will drag her out to get some winter clothes soon. I refuse to let her look like a compete geek hence me going out an buying her stuff which she actually likes and will wear.

It's a hard one and one does feel alone in this.

OP posts:
KristinaM · 12/11/2009 00:16

i agree with trinity. leave her alone, as long as she is warmly dressed

why cant she look like a geek if she wants to?

honestly, it does NOT reflect on you. no one believes that a 15yos clothes are their mothers choice. that would be so sad

KristinaM · 12/11/2009 00:17

and if all the " popular girls" care about is clothes then they are not worth having as friends

MavisEnderby · 12/11/2009 00:18

About eve,I would let her be.

My mum despaired of me with my total clothes disinterest.I would have much preferred to be curled up with a book.I was a late developer.It was only when I was at University I became more concious of fashion and "girly stuff".Leave her be,enjoy her uniqueness and celebrate the fact she loves books and is her own person,and has the intelligence not to be tied down by societal expectations and to be her own self.