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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Despairing of my DD's lack of fashion sense

101 replies

Remotew · 11/11/2009 17:52

Try not to moan about my DD (15) on here as she is basically a very easy teenager but things have come to a head re her sense of dress.

I long since realised she was never going to be interested in fashion but it's getting ridiculous.

She wears the same pair of jeans most of the time. I have to go out a buy her clothes myself. We don't get chance to shop together much as we live in a rural area. When I take her into town she isn't interested and says she doesn't need anything.

Her friend came round to go out, kitted out in the latest, as most of them are. She came down in a vest top and flimsy jacket! On a freezing night so I had a bit of a go. Truth is I'm embarrased as it looks like I carn't afford to clothes her nicely. She changed into a warmer coat eventually.

Any tips to get her to take a bit more pride. On the rare occasion that she goes to a party I have to buy her a dress or borrow something and she looks lovely.

OP posts:

JesusChristOtterStar · 12/11/2009 00:24

phew mumsnetters chill out!!!

she sounds much like my dd - mine likes clothes but too lazy - she wants me to dress her otherwise she just picks the first thing she happens upon...

dd is late with puberty but i am hoping things will change then...

dd looks FAB when i doll her up - i took her to a vintage fayre and we had a great time dressing up but on her own she cannot be bothered

Original poster

Remotew · 12/11/2009 00:25

Thanks for your reply KrianiM. The last party she went to which was an informal 16th, I told her to wear my top with her jeans and she did. Bearing in mind that I am 48!! It was from River Island, I am a trendy oldie.

Anyway she got lots of compliments about how great she looked and she was chuffed.

I will take on board lots of suggestions from this thread but loved anyfucker's stance as it isn't child abuse to offer to buy your teens trendy clothes.

OP posts:

Original poster

Remotew · 12/11/2009 00:36

jesus. lol

My DD was earlier with puberty, started at just 11, so no correlation there. She always had a bit of a problem with new clothes etc. Guess they are all individual.

OP posts:

SolidGoldBangers · 12/11/2009 01:06

FFS leave her alone! You run the risk of making her utterly miserable or at least having her decide (and, given that she's a teenager, tell you) that you are a silly superficial shallow appearance-obsessed twunt.
Also, do bear in mind that teenagers, particularly DDS, do quite like to annoy their mothers with their sartorial choices, so even if she was 'interested in fashion' you might still be appalled by what she chose to wear.

piscesmoon · 12/11/2009 07:42

I agree with SGB - if she did develop an interest I would bet that you still wouldn't like it!

Goblinchild · 12/11/2009 07:46

Sad when your Barbie grows up and develops a mind of its own.

(Proud mother of a very academic nerd who is also a Goth)

RustyBear · 12/11/2009 07:59

I'm not sure why you think that developing an interest in clothes would lead to her dressing more appropriately for the weather - it really doesn't! The skimpy vest she wears may be a more fashionable one, but she still won't want to wear anything warm over it!

I was like your DD as a teen, my DD on the other hand loves clothes (and shoes!) so it looks like the fashion gene skipped a generation. In fact I'd say I've probably got more clothes that DD has suggested to me than the other way round...

sarah293 · 12/11/2009 08:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

PfftTheMagicDragon · 12/11/2009 08:27

Listen to yourself! "I am a trendy oldie".

TBH, she's probably so embarrassed by her "trendy" mother that she never wishes to see another clothes shop ever again.

Let her be who she is, not who you want to be 25 years younger.

And stop using the word "trendy"

NorkyButNice · 12/11/2009 08:51

If my 48 year old mother shopped in River Island, I wouldn't on principle.

Well done her for preferring books to teen fashion.

tatt · 12/11/2009 09:03

agree that the skimpy top is teenage fashion as is going out underdressed. I've let my daughter go out under-dressed in the hope she would learn.

As long as she has a friend or two don't worry about her. It will change and you'll wish she wasn't asking for all your money for clothes!

JackBauer · 12/11/2009 09:21

Also she might not get cold. DH can walk around in winter with just a shirt on and not be cold in the slightest.
If she is cold then next time she will wear something wamrer.

No, it's not abuse to offer to buy clothes for your child, but it isn't nice to let her know you think she looks scruffy or isn't allowed to decide for herself what to wear at the age of 15. I speak from experience.

Original poster

Remotew · 12/11/2009 09:30

OK I won't push clothes shopping on her. It just came to a head last night with not being dressed for the weather. I won't say trendy again either.

OP posts:

cory · 12/11/2009 09:36

Of course it isn't child abuse to offer new clothes. But it isn't parent abuse to politely decline the offer either.

I am another one who would happily live in the same pair of jeans all the time- just taking them off for washing at regular intervals- and I've had a happy and successful life. (Including the bonus of attention from the kind of men I wanted to attract, not from the kind who would only care for a nicely turned-out woman.) Puberty made no difference to me in this respect.

I take enormous pride in myself- just not in my clothes. Lots of people are like that; they just don't connect clothes and self-esteem. They tend to either make a bit of an effort as they grow older or drift towards the sort of profession where it genuinely doesn't matter (dh and I have both done the latter).

I'd insist on basic hygience but otherwise leave well alone.

Disenchanted3 · 12/11/2009 09:39

I would rather go to waterstones than newlook or any other 'grown up' alternative.

LollipopViolet · 12/11/2009 09:51

She sounds like me! At 19, I live in jeans, combat trousers, t-shirts and hoodies. My parents know it's my style and actually will point out nice things to me, that they know I will wear. But I do like a girly top, so today thing I'm going with jeggings, a jersey top and my ankle boots. Because I've got a meeting at uni so need to sort of smarten up- just a little bit.

PixiNanny · 12/11/2009 10:38

I'd say leave her alone. I was 15 and dressed similarily to your DD (and at twenty I usually wear jeans and tees still!). Better than her dressing in what most 15yo's wear now! You should be happy that she's interested in books!

On her being singled out, she will always be singled out for something, it's better to be singled out being comfortable in what you wear as opposed to wearing something you feel uncomfortable in already.

Ozziegirly · 13/11/2009 05:34

God, I spent my teenage years with my parents trying to make me look smarter (when it was all the fashion for DMs, ripped T shirts and black jeans) and I HATED it.

Really, I used to make sure that I would look extra scruffy around them just to irritate them.

My mum comes from the age where she never goes out without make up, always has little outfits and nice pointy shoes, and to be honest I just had zero interest in being a little clone.

Daughters don't want to dress like their mums, especially if their mums insist on being "trendy".

Original poster

Remotew · 13/11/2009 09:15

She really didn't mind borrowing my top because she didn't have anything suitable to wear for a party.

I don't go all out to be 'trendy' just wear what suits me. Even women in their late 40's can still shop at the boutiques within reason, especially if you have kept your figure and the wrinkles at bay. I even still wear whispers jeans.

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PixiNanny · 13/11/2009 09:55

tbh, having reread the thread, I feel that you are more concerned with yourself and what her image does to you than actually caring about her appearance for her. Leave her alone. She doesn't care about what she's wearing and is obviously comfortable in what she's wearing! Think back to the situ of her borrowing your top, did you force it on her or push it on her or did she actually accept it gratefully? No teen happily borrows her mother's clothes, 'trendy' or not.

Original poster

Remotew · 13/11/2009 10:32

No I didn't force it, she liked it.

My comments about appearing as though I cannot afford to clothes her nicely are ingrained into my physch as I have brought her up alone so always made sure that we didn't fit the stereotypical hardup single parent family image .

I sound like some chavvy mum getting into debt over the best trainers and faux designer gear. Nothing could be further from the truth.

I've had a word and she's agreed to come shopping for some winter gear. So I'm pleased about that. I will not be suggesting jeggings, she hates them.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 13/11/2009 13:21

excuse me pixi, my teen dd borrows my clothes, make-up and perfume

if she could fit my jeans, she would wear those too

edam · 13/11/2009 16:02

what's so admirable about being 'able' to wear jeans in your late 40s? My mum still wears jeans and she's in her 60s!

"if you have kept your figure and the wrinkles at bay" - sounds like you are a tiny bit vain, tbh, and she's probably reacting against that.

Original poster

Remotew · 13/11/2009 17:13

I mentioned wearing Jeans at 48 as I remember a thread on here whether women over 50 should wear jeans.

Not vain, just defending the fact that I can still buy from the likes of River Island for myself without looking ridiculous as was implied by someone.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 13/11/2009 17:50

eve, you don't have to defend yourself

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