Oh hello everyone thank you so so much again for messages, I haven't been able to come on (chaos last night, dinner with MIL, didn't get in until late) and this morning was the meeting, and then had to go to an offsite meeting. Thandeka - I am so grateful for what you have posted, I am sorry that I didn't see that yesterday as I would have certainly called you for ammo guidance.
Well, meeting this morning. It was attended by the year head and the pastoral support worker. They were very, very supportive and were full of action plan, which going on what I felt yesterday was far better than I expected.
-they said that they have a zero tolerance policy on bullying of this nature and it is considered as bad as racist and physical bullying and will be tolerated in the same way. I need to have a meeting with dd and the YH and pastoral worker to determine who is saying this. They will then be disciplined. I said that dd was concerned that this would make the situartion worse, they said that they are very strong on the fact that if there are any repurcussions this will be dealt with swiftly and harshly. They really want to nip this in the bud.
-YH has sent an email to all teachers of dd saying what is going on and for teachers to keep an eye out and deal swiftly with any activity.
-dd and I have meeting with pastoral worker tomorrow morning to discuss this further, also to name names. DD is able to stay with pastoral worker all day and not go into lessons if she wishes. If she does go into lessons she will be issued with an 'exit' pass (her teachers will have been told) so if she is feeling threatened she can leave the class and go to the pastoral dept. YH and Pastoral worker are very keen to get dd in school and overcome her feelings of fear and refusal before it gets worse. They feel that because half-term is next week, if she leaves it and doesn't go in tomorrow she will feel very apprehensive when it comes to going back to school Monday week.
-I got the strong sense that they are horrified by the art teacher. YH said that such attitudes are simply not acceptable. She has spoken to the art teacher who says that she is very sorry, she certainly didn;t mean it in a derogatory way, it was an off hand comment and she was trying to make light of the situation. I was asked if I would like the teacher to call me to apologise (said yes it would be good to speak to her) and I was asked if I would like to make a formal complaint about the teacher. I was quite shocked about this and was non-committal, I don't know, really.
-They also said that they were really surprised that something has gone on like this, they have a very strong gay and lesbian community at the school, several teachers are openly gay and there is a significant number of out and proud kids in the Sixth Form and Year 11 (news to me!). Apparently it is regarded as really cool, they generally have a few meatheaded comments from a few kids, which is stamped on they assure me, but generally there is a high level of acceptance. They have also said that if dd would like someone to talk to at this point or in the future they could arrange some informal mentporing with Sixth Form students, to try and build up her confidence.
-I did mention that the anti-bullying policy doesn't cover any specific forms of bullying, and seemed a very brief document. They said that yes the policy document does not actually reflect the very strong anti-bullying policy that the school does in practice follow. They said that they would look into amending that.
I have yet to say any of this to dd - she has been taken to Swindon by DP for shopping and pizza. I will speak to her when I get home, I hope that she feels that she is getting support. I think that there may be some resistance to naming names, however I hope she agrees that this is the best way of solving the problem.
In talking to dd last night, I still get the strong feeling of mortfication and sheer horror at what has happened. I don't know, perhaps she did have a crush on someone. I am hoping that she can tell me, will talk some more later, or my mum (we are going to Devon this weekend).
Tatt - your post got me thinking actually, it wasn't specifically the lesbian thing that bothers me so much, rather the paiting up with bitch etc. But it reminded me of my little brother, he got picked on a bit from having a lesbian mum, boys at school would sneer 'urgh, your mum is a lezzer' and by bro would go 'Oh my god thank FUCK you told me , I didn't realise, help me with my dykey mum' etc etc and generally take the piss out of the other boys. Plus it did help that he was well over 6 foot 4 by the age of 13!
Cyteen - your post has made me lol! I think it is the responsibility of all mother of teens to embarrass them, dd hisses at me 'mum, don't show me up' through gritted teeth when I start singing evacuate the dancefloor in Sainsbos (or something equally naff). Don't blame her, actually.
Thanks again so much eveeyone, this has been such a support.