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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

boyfriends in bedrooms "of course we're not having sex!?!?!"

31 replies

brimfull · 06/06/2009 21:11

dd is 17
bf is 18
quite a new bf but long time friend
she doesn't see why I think it's bizarre that I presume they would have sex when they are alone in her bedroom

Is it something about this new generation?...I know I am a dinosaur at 46 but I was NEVER allowed to have a boy on my bedroom

I have talked with her about sex/contraception helping out if she needs it etc

she says her and bf are still virgins and she will come for guidance about pill when she's ready

do you think she's taking the piss or am I paranoid mum for doubting her

she makes me feel like I am preoccupied with sex when I talk to her about it althoug she has said she will probably have sex with him but she hasn't as yet

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 06/06/2009 21:15

She might be taking the piss a bit, but maybe she just wants some privacy? She is old enough to sort her own contraception out, and she knows where you are if she needs your help.

Original poster
brimfull · 06/06/2009 21:19

yes agree about the privacy
I have made the offer and will shut up about it now

it's the allowing him to be in th bedroom

she seems to think we should let him sleep in there

I don't know how I feel about that

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 06/06/2009 21:25

If you aren't comfortable with it then I guess it's your house your rules. I'd be much the same reckon, having had strict parents myself. I think it's different once they've been away to uni or whatever and are 18+ and back for the holidays, but she is still your little girl I guess, so I understand not feeling comfortable. Tricky one! < wibbles at future for own 13 yr old >

Original poster
brimfull · 06/06/2009 22:03

suppose it is my problem how I feel

need to let her get on with it I guess

OP posts:
Noonki · 06/06/2009 22:11

I only know from the otherside as our eldest is only 12.

my first bf and I were together from 15-19 and my parents eventually let him stay (when I was 16.5) and tbh I think that was a good thing as it meant I spent alot more time at home than I would have otherwise.

If it feels really wrong then say no, but let her know why and explain that it just feels wrong not that you are making a judgement.

I would get to know him as well as you can too.

In would also point out if you have thin walls in a jokey way as that is my dread as our house is like paper!

Original poster
brimfull · 06/06/2009 22:18

thanks

yes we are getting to know him,been here for dinner and has spent quite a lot of time here
we both like him a lot

OP posts:
Noonki · 06/06/2009 22:21

that must make it a bit easier!

But it still must be really hard.

Paolosgirl · 06/06/2009 22:22

Your house, your rules - simple as that. She's still a child in law, so if you don't feel comfortable about him sleeping there or being upstairs behind a shut door then you have the right to say so, surely, just with anything else that you'd not be happy with her doing in your house?

It's great that you like him though, and you can speak to her openly.

unavailable · 06/06/2009 22:42

We went through very similar a few years ago (though related to ds rather than dd).

Ds later admitted that he was playing us.

(They are still together, btw.)

BodenGroupie · 06/06/2009 22:51

I think part of the difficulty for me would be knowing what to do next time as relationships at this age don't generally last forever. A friend with a daughter who is now in her twenties said it was really hard having said yes to the first serious bf staying, to then say yes to the next one... you don't know how many there will be in total!

One the other hand, it's got to be safer than in the back of the car somewhere. Don't envy you

Original poster
brimfull · 06/06/2009 22:56

I blame our open plan house

there is no where for them to go

wish we had another reception room

OP posts:
beanieb · 06/06/2009 22:58

Your house, your rules.

But I think a bit odd to presume they are having sex every time they are in a room alone together.

Original poster
brimfull · 06/06/2009 23:06

well obviously not EVERY time they are in a room together

lol

OP posts:
Paolosgirl · 06/06/2009 23:21

Why is it safer than in the back of a car? If I recall my teenage years, the back of the car was exactly where I wanted to be - not in my house with my parents roaming around. Yuck!

Now, when they were out...

ilovesprouts · 06/06/2009 23:26

they might be playin tiddley winks

Paolosgirl · 06/06/2009 23:35

Yeah - 'cos we all did that, didn't we?!

hellymelly · 06/06/2009 23:40

I would trust her if I were you.My parents never let me have a bf in my bedroom,(in fact I had to get married before they let me share a room with dh,even though we had lived together for years),but I wouldn't have had sex even if they had let me.If she wants to have sex she will,if she doesn't hopefully she won't,and the bedroom has nothing to do with it.The only thing I can think of pro a ban on boys in bedrooms is if it then gives a girl a good excuse when she really is not ready to have a boy in her bed.

BodenGroupie · 07/06/2009 11:20

Paolosgirl - maybe I was unlucky but once had a tank nearly crush the car I was "courting" DH in and another time had a policeman drag me and bf out of the car to check our papers at gunpoint (not England, of course) - hence my paranoia

Agree with Helly that they will find a way.

ilove · 07/06/2009 11:23

The opposite side of the coin...lol

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/768676-Anyone-with-teenage-boys-help

Tortington · 07/06/2009 11:26

ITHINK YOU should go to doctors with her and get her on the pill - or something equiv.

Disenchanted3 · 07/06/2009 11:30

my boyfriend (now husband) slept in my bedroom at 16 overnight. We were having sex.

Doesn't mean your DD is though.

She seems sensible. Whats the problem if they are as long as they are in a commited relationship & being safe?

Original poster
brimfull · 07/06/2009 14:11

thanks all

bf was here when I got home from work yesterday and apologised for being in dd's room overnight the night before

apparently according to dd nothing went on as both pissed knackered and she had her period anywya

I have done my bit now I think ,I am aware she will have sex sometime soon .She says she hasn't yet and I believe her...I think.

Off to GP tomorow for cervical jab so good chance for her to discuss pill.

Fuck this parenting lark is hard.

OP posts:
Original poster
brimfull · 07/06/2009 14:13

ilove -thanks for the link ..interesting, I wonder how his mother is taking this new relationship.

DD says she is a loon though and screams and shouts a lot ..hence the bf spending quite a lot of time here.

OP posts:
cheesesarnie · 07/06/2009 14:23

we were allowed boyfriends to stay in our rooms at that age.my mum used to say if we were going to go out and do 'it' anyway we may as well be under her roof where she knew we were safe.

i think you need to chat to her and say if your old enough for this type of privacy then shes also old enough to think about contraception.

cheesesarnie · 07/06/2009 14:24

sorry just read rest of thread.you are doing contraception talk.

i hope i can do as good a job with mine when they get to that age as you are doing!must be hard-i cant even imagine!

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