anyone online....am sobbing. DD1 wnet to pics with friends, they plied her with alcohol, and the police found her slumped on the beach alone, with no shoes or cardie, compley drunk, and bag stolen

[psychomum5]

containing her purse, mobile and new ipod touch that I bought her with my car accident money.

she is not rousable and shaking or vomiting.

help please

noddy, I am soooooo over protective at times, really am. I had such a bad childhood with many issues that I am so terrified of something happening to my children I have been finding it very hard to let her grow.

in fact, just a short while back (march in fact) I had a thread about her going to her first night of clubbing at the local under-18s night, and was accused of being neurotic, and since then have been making lots of effort to allowe her more freedom, later curfews etc with the later nights.

last night was her first time of being allowed out late and getting the bus home with her friends, altho they had the curfew of 10pm as long as they let us know which fiml they were seeing if it was finishing slightly later (ie, if too late then we would go pick them up as I didn;t want them coming home on the late bus with a load of drunken people (little did I know that they were planning on being some of the drunken people).

anyhooooo

it has happened. they got caught out in a truly awful way, but nothing happened like rape or worse (thankgod, seriously, thankgod!!), and a good samariton rescued my daughter, to whom I will forever be grateful. the thoughts going thru my head last night and today of the 'what-ifs' really have been bad, and I am trying so damn hard to focus on the good. tis hard tho!

still, they seem to be aware of what they have done, really they do. there is no back-chat or defensiveness, so we must be doing part of our job right

unlike that other thread.....poor poor girl if it is true

I know psycho i am the same.That other thread is heart breaking esp to people like dp and I who only could have one child and would have loved more.Some people don't deserve children and never see the gift they are .

no, they don;t

and teenagers are still as much a gift as they were as newborn babies.

and as hard work too at times

how are you this morning psycho and how are the little psychos? x

Does your home contents insurance cover personal possessions outside the home? Mine does. You might be able to claim for the ipod that way. Otherwise, everyone else has an ipod and DD1 doesn't. Which is fair enough really. Everyone else didn't go out and get drunk and lose their bag.

PCWorld is not a great shop to cry in. Nicer shops would look after you and be nice to you, but PCWorld is rubbish.

(and we didn't say you were neurotic about the club night, we just said nothing bad would happen, and we were right. You had a perfectly normal amount of mummy-worriedness)

trillian, am hoping so. am too emotional to ring anyone else right now tho to find out.........would only embarrass myself further I think.

I know I am being irrational tho. I am really not angry or upset about the rest of it (and her mobile was an LG cookie that we got her for her birthday. her very first expensive mobile!) plus there was new make-up in her bag too that was only bought (by me) that day that she owes me for out of her pocket money, which was also stolen.

and it is her silly fault after all in a way (well, not completely. was the fucker that took advantage of her state that IS to blame).

no, I know what it is.

it is because ever since my car accident, I have put them thru stress due to me PTSD, and so when we knew my money was coming I promised them all something decent as my way of saying sorry and thankyou for putting up with me, so of course I have connected different emotions to the ipod that are not normal emotions.

and this has all thrown me, I am still flitting between being sooooooo glad that she is ok, to the thought of 'what if', and this is my focus.

am going nuts aren;t I

actually, I think one person might have said so, and I focused on that

She is fine. She feels physically and emotionally bad, and so do her friends, so they are unlikely to be this silly ever again. Only things have been lost. So relax. You are a good mummy, and you have handled it very well, not mollycoddling her just because she is ill and also not getting too angry and punishing her too much.

If the insurance covers it replace her ipod, if not then just don't. She's old enough to understand that if stuff gets broken or lost you can't always just get a new one.

I would get her a cheapy cheapy phone (preferably an ugly one), on the basis that a 15-year-old really can't survive without a mobile, and an especially ugly one will serve as a reminder that she did something silly and lost her beautiful phone.

This is going to take you a while to get over You sound that sort of person Not a criticism its just i am too and recognise myself in your posts!You have done really well and are probably going to have a few delayed reactions over the weeks.Be kind to yourself and her you have both had a terrible shock and the what ifs are horrendous xx

MIL gave her an old mobile of hers yesterday, that has credit on it, but is hell to use (in fact we all clubbed together to buy MIL a decent mobile for her birthday as her old mobile was so pants!).

DD1 therefore has a stupid hidious seamens (sp?) mobile that has a line of ducks that quack across the screen every single sodding time you try and use it and so drive you potty. I am nursing a quiet sense of revengeful satisfaction over that

tis just the issue with the ipod that is getting me down. and I cannot get past it at the moment, altho I know I will be fine later.

and yes, DD1 is the one suffering the loss really.

she did say she would pay me back, but I had said pocket money was banned for a while so not sure now if I should back down and reinstate it so that she can start paying me back.......

actually, I was ok earlier, but feeling a little ragged now.

have spoken to the police to report the stolen handbag, got crime numbers etc, gone to pcworld to sort out the ipod, only to find that the cover they sold me does not cover theft, but as it does have some cover on it, we cannot claim for it otherwise.

and then embarrassed myself by sobbing stupidly in pcworld (I think all the emotions have just come tumbling out from the last few days as no-one was with me bar an unsympathetic worker).

DD1 is still suffering (sore tummy muscles from the force of vomiting, and sore throat and mouth from the acid of the bile), but she is now having to clean out the rabbit cages and I have told her that she is cooking dinner later to give me a break.

all the others............they are fine, altho now all on the come-down from party food and lots of coke

noddy, thankyou

not taking it as a critism BTW.....I know me well by now, altho I have to say I am glad you can understand why I am being like this.

the what-ifs thoughts really are horrendous. how the hell do I stop them tho??

in fact, I know why. I had these thoughts after the car accidents..........my entire mental make-up makes me do this. I think I need to refer back to my CBT lessons to train my brain away from the Bad Thoughts.

I know it is hard but just try to focus on the fact that she is OK. She had hopefully learnt a hard hard lesson. Not only was she sick, not only did she worry you, not only did she almost ruin her DBs birthday but she lost all her nice things.

Easier said than done I know. I am at the moment trying to get over the fact that against my better judgement I let DS who is 7 take his precious Match Attax binder with all his cards in to school on Thursday and some little shit stole it. Some little shit that is most likely in his class or the other Yr 3 class. Some little shit that plays football with him. Some little shit that I go into school and listen to read. Some little shit that I bake cakes for. I am angry as you can tell. Angry at DS for bringing it in. Angry at whoever took it. And most of all angry with myself that I let DS take it in. I was supposed to go in and do reading today but I couldn't face it. It's so horrible as it has really affected how I feel about his Year group now.

oh buda. yes, I can feel you anger......something about the little shit wording.

how horrid.

is there any way that you could just say to his teacher that it has gone missing, and get them to ask everyone if they have seen it......in a way that doesn;t accuse anyone, but gives the child in question (who ever it might be) to 'pretend' to find it??

I wold be as livid as you I have to say. those match attax things are very very much a status symbol for some boys aren;t they. My DS1 is as attached to his. I know how we would feel if it were his (and in fact, his gogo's would induce the same rage!).

I think in your situation I would try to work on the premise that lightning never strikes in the same place twice and you are unlikely to go through this again.She has ahad a big lesson that you could never have taught her with all the talking in the world because teenagers think they know it all.She now knows she doesn't and bad things do happen.She has also seen how it affects others and once you are all out of the woods I think a lot of good will come out of this horrific weekend.My ds has gone to skate board today with some new friends as his best buddy is on holiday this week.I am so worried as they seem older and wiser but am trying to keep things in perspective(and checking my phone every 2 mins)We are mothers thats what we do

not nuts psycho, just normal. Don't fight it.

It was a terrifically traumatic event for you (only just read the thread) It will take a while for you to get your balance back.

So glad she's ok.

I prefer to think that otehr parents are under reacting and not doing their job properly

noddy, yes, you speak the truth (well, am hoping so with the lightening thing).

your DS will be fine, you know that, but you won;t stop fretting until he walks back thru that door, if you are like me (and you have said you are, so I already know).

argh............mothering is hell at times!!

thanks mumonthenet.

I do keep replaying that couple of hours when they were missing, and that feeling of being convinced that she was lying in a gutter raped and murdered.

and then the phone call from the lady 6saying^ she had found her collasped on the beach with no shoes, and no friends

and then that hour when we couldn;t track down her friends (who as it turned out were aware of her being missing, and were terrifyingly running about trying to find her with the exact same thoughts as me I have since found out).

and that call from DH saying he was now with her and the police were involved.

oh, my heart is thumping at the thoughts.

argh, I need to stop this, but getting it all out is helpful too!

You really DO need to get it all out. You're traumatised - you've been terrified, and it will take a while for your "fight or flight" mechanism to adjust. MN is the right place to get it all out, even if it means repeating yourself over and over again

I am so glad your dd is home and safe. I was shaking for you when I read the OP. You've had a brush with the worst possible nightmare, and it's bound to leave you shell-shocked for a while.

I feel mildly responsible for convincing you that that clubbing thing was a good idea!

Sounds like DD has learnt her lesson though and she really is still a credit to you. I'm going to show my DD this thread sometime, when I'm in a lecturing mood! Not quite the right time for her yet, she's still only 13, but I will.

Oh and Buda - someone stole my Pippa dolls from school once - I still remember it as clear as day. They were in a little plastic case, with big 70's style flowers on it! And yes it was the 70's!

thankyou greeny.............altho I fear I might run into boring you all.

I just want that even-keel again instantly. I have real impatience with myself, which I know doesn;t help.

I have to say, I am soooooo glad it is half-term. I can keep her close for a few days to get some of my equilibriam back, and then knowing her, she will start winding me up again which will help the normality

am going to have to develop a new mantra tho.....

makes a change from ((altho, is quite apt!!))

maureen, tis ok, you were right at that time that she would be fine.............trillian pointed that out earlier too, and she was.

at least I have an exerience now to use in the future when someone else is going thru similar.............altho am not quite sure when I will be able to look back and use this for advice.

Psycho - yep I'm angry! You can tell. I did speak to the teacher and she spoke to both classes. The teacher of the other class did too. Quite a few things have gone missing recently. Even things off the teacher's desk.

I am class rep for DS's class and I have sent a text to all the parents asking them to ask their child if they saw anyone take it. One mum replied and said that her DS thought it may have gotten mixed up with another boys Match Attax. It's a sodding great A4 plastic binder. And it's heavy as it's almost full. You would think a parent would notice their child bring it home?

Anyway - I suppose it's gone.

Sorry for hijack!

I suspect in your DD and her friends' case they will all have had a HUGE fright. I am assuming they will all be grounded. I am assuming the policeman Dad will give them a huge talking to. They are all old enough to realise now what COULD have happened. Hopefully they will now all realise that they are not as invincible as they thing think they are.

I'm not surprised you are shellshocked today. you will be for a while I'd imagine.

Maureen - I was a child in the 70's too! And the 60s.