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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

How do you feel about texting your teen during school hours?

46 replies

tigermoth · 07/10/2008 20:54

My 14 year old son has taught me how to text - I was reluctant to do this for ages as I am not a big fan of the whole mobile phone thing.

Anyway, now I can reply to his texts, ds1 will send texts to me willy nilly during his school day - things like 'I've dropped my jar of raspeberry jam' (he is doing food tech for GCSE) or 'drama is s**t today'

So do I reply during school hours? On average I get around 2 to 6 texts a day from him. I don't know for sure if he is texting me in the middle of a lesson or at break.

Strictly speaking, having a text conversation with ds could be a distraction from ds's school work and get him into trouble if he is found to be texting.

But I don't know the protocol - do other parents of teens text their children during school?

OP posts:

aGalChangedHerName · 07/10/2008 20:56

I do occasionally text ds1 if i absolutely have to. He has it on silent and only texts me back during his break times.

MeMySonAndI · 07/10/2008 20:56

I don't know as a parent but as a teacher I will find it very annoying to have a kid texting and receiving texts during the lessons.

Besides, do you really want to know that he has dropped his raspberry jam?

Original poster

tigermoth · 07/10/2008 20:59

I don't particularly want to know, but he wants to tell me (he was a very attention demanding toddler)

OP posts:

southeastastra · 07/10/2008 20:59

you're lucky he replies, i have my son on msn and he blocks me

Original poster

tigermoth · 07/10/2008 21:04

I know I do appreciate the fact that he wants to share things with me like that, but it's all a new thing and I am not sure of the rules IFSWIM

OP posts:

southeastastra · 07/10/2008 21:09

they're aren't any rules, just write what you want to, you don't have to abbreviate. text him at break times though.

twoluvlykids · 07/10/2008 21:12

the school where i work, if kids are seen with their phones, they are removed and are not allowed back till end of friday. and i think that's right, too. the school's have phones, land lines, if parents need to get in touch. this is because there have been incidences of "cyber bullying"

potoftea · 07/10/2008 21:23

I did reply if my dd texted during the day, as I trusted that she would only do it if she wasn't busy.
But my ds is different and would do it instead of work! So I don't.

I do think it's the same as having a "whispered conversation" during class and so should be discouraged as it's distracting. Also you aren't exactly supporting the teacher if you "talk" to him during class.

roisin · 07/10/2008 21:25

I would find out from school when the breaktimes/lunchtimes are and give him a sound bollocking if his texts are timed during lesson times.

But if mobiles are allowed in school (not here) I would reply to his messages.

SorenLorensen · 07/10/2008 21:27

Ds1 is allowed a mobile at school but it has to be switched off and out of sight in lesson time - so I wouldn't dare text him in school hours just in case he'd forgotten to switch it off.

NannyNanny · 08/10/2008 11:41

I would find it very strange if a 14 year old boy texted his mum up to 6 times a day, between the hours of 8.00 and 16.00. Does he not have friends he can talk to?

PonderingThoughts · 08/10/2008 12:03

I think it's wrong & rude & unecessary. Sorry but I do. I'm not having a pop at you...I know lots of teenagers and parents that have these type of text conversations all through the school day and I think it's just so inappropriete.

If I was a teacher I'd be outraged at having teenagers sending and receiving texts during my lesson.

I know most teens have phones on them at school, and that's fine for emergencies, or if they only contact you at breaktime/before/after school.

Unnecessary texting 'I've dropped my jam' 'this is boring' 'what's for tea tonight'..Not acceptable in my view. Talk about your day/thoughts later, when you are at home.

Personally, I wouldn't respond at all to those type of texts. If he text me at lunchtime to say afterschool footy is cancelled, I'd respond with 'thanks for letting me know'.

Lilymaid · 08/10/2008 12:07

No it isn't normal to be texted by your teen at school and certainly not during lessons. If he is texting outside lessons I would be worried that he is having social problems in school. IME teenagers text only to say if they are delayed, something is cancelled or they have forgotten something vital and do not do a running commentary on the day.

happystory · 08/10/2008 12:13

Agree with lilymaid, ok if it's lunchtime etc and to say 'will be late' or whatever, but not 'conversations'. He may also be texting others and therefore it's VERY distracting. Those conversations can be saved for when he comes home.

The novelty of you being able to text him will probably wear off.

LOl at se's son blocking her!

chopchopbusybusy · 08/10/2008 12:14

Do you know what the school policy is on using mobile phones? At DDs school (and I imagine at most schools) phones must be switched off and out of sight during lessons. DD occasionally texts me at break or at lunchtime, but only if she has something important that she needs to tell me. She would never dream of texting me to say that a lesson was shite.

ShrinkingViolet · 08/10/2008 12:16

DD1 will sometimes text me to say if an after-school activity has been cancelled, or similar (tends to be one word yes/no messages though). She's more likely to email me to ask for pieces of coursework to be forwarded. I'll sometimes email her, but not expect a response (as it's technically against the rules).
Definately wouldn't expect chatty texts/emails though.

mumblechum · 08/10/2008 12:56

If ds txts me (once in blue moon), I'll save my reply & send it at lunchtime.

Agree v. bad manners to text during lesson times.

kittycats · 08/10/2008 15:02

nannynanny
My 14 yr old son used to txt me lots (usually at break times) while in school as his father was taking me to court for contact (that my son didn't want) and he was concerned about me.He is a very caring and thoughtful boy.

I have a very close relationship with my kids and they txt me when funny things happen at school etc. I would rather my kids txt me alot than never at all so i wouldn't know where they are and what they were doing.

mumeeee · 08/10/2008 23:12

Teenagers should not be texting thier parents or anybody elase during school hours unless it is a real emergancy. DD3 16 takes her phone to college but is not allowed to use it during lessons.

orangehead · 08/10/2008 23:45

Probably best to talk to him about it. Explain that you love him texting you etc, but it would be rude to text when in lesson and could get him in trouble. Ask when he is texting and what the school policy is.
Btw I know lots of teens wouldnt text their mum, but I dont think its werid. Some boys have very close relationships with thier mums and like what kittykat said, Some boys are very thoughtful and care about their mums through difficult times. Although dont know op situation

unknownrebelbang · 09/10/2008 00:21

I'd check out whether or not he was texting from lessons, because that's unacceptable.

I'd respond to any messages that need responding to at lunch/break time.

DS1 only ever texts if he needs to pass an important message.

DS2 would text me for all sorts of reasons, but he's only got an old phone with hardly any credit - is awaiting his birthday present of a new phone next week.

DS2 is far more sociable than DS1. Go figure.

Alas, I have the opposite problem. I tried to contact DS1 (at lunchtime) about collecting him one evening a couple of weeks ago - his phone was switched off, DS2's phone was at home and I ended up ringing the school direct to get a message to him (not something I'd usually do, but necessary because of an appt I had).

NotAnOtter · 09/10/2008 00:28

my kids do not have mobiles but if i were their teacher i would be during school day

my dd got her ipod confiscated once in a lesson i was LIVID (with her!)

imo mobiles etc should not be on within the confines of school - break time or not

what happened to talking to your mates - now do they all stand about staring at yet another screen?

unknownrebelbang · 09/10/2008 00:32

My lads play basketball, table tennis, tennis, football most lunchtimes. I think DS2 is going to orchestra prac tomorrow lunchtime (and missing basketball).

They also happen to have a phone with them (or not ).

PurplePumpkinWitchyOne · 09/10/2008 00:41

absolutely no way i text or they text in school day unless something os cancelled.

however, exh got her phone confiscated during lesson by ringing her knowing she was in class keep telling her to put it on silent.

her phone, her responsibility. it was all exhs idea, getting them these phones to stay in touch. DD2 lost hers weeks ago anyway. i wont top them up as i cant afford to.

at least if the phone gets confiscated, i at least get a bit of peace from all the ringtones and crapola.
if theres any homework to be done, telly off and i unplug the landline so they get some peace.

can anyone tell i hate mobiles?

Original poster

tigermoth · 09/10/2008 08:06

Wow, hadn't realised there were so many replies here!

I definitely need to find out when ds1 has his break times. I think he mainly texts me during these times, but as I don't always reply immediately, have no idea if I am texting him in lessons or not, which has worried me. It's only been happening this term as I've only just got my head around texting, but I don't want to get ds1 in trouble.

DS1 is a really sociable boy - definitely not friendless at school, quite the opposite, and he's always been very chatty and close with me. This texting is an extension of this, and as long as he does it at appropriate times (and not too often), I think it's rather nice of him. He usually rings me at work around 4.00 pm when he arrives home, just to say hello. I think that's nice, too

I do think it is unwise and impolite for texting to happen in lesson time - unless it's an emergency - so yes, this has thread clarified the 'rules' for me - I need to find out his lesson times so I know when to avoid this. And keep an eye on when ds is sending his texts.

OP posts:

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