How do you feel about texting your teen during school hours?

[tigermoth]

My 14 year old son has taught me how to text - I was reluctant to do this for ages as I am not a big fan of the whole mobile phone thing.

Anyway, now I can reply to his texts, ds1 will send texts to me willy nilly during his school day - things like 'I've dropped my jar of raspeberry jam' (he is doing food tech for GCSE) or 'drama is s**t today'

So do I reply during school hours? On average I get around 2 to 6 texts a day from him. I don't know for sure if he is texting me in the middle of a lesson or at break.

Strictly speaking, having a text conversation with ds could be a distraction from ds's school work and get him into trouble if he is found to be texting.

But I don't know the protocol - do other parents of teens text their children during school?

Ponderingthoughts, I am just cutting and pasting a bit of your message as follows:

"Unnecessary texting 'I've dropped my jam' 'this is boring' 'what's for tea tonight'..Not acceptable in my view. Talk about your day/thoughts later, when you are at home. Personally, I wouldn't respond at all to those type of texts."

so, even if your teenager sent these texts during break time, you'd not think them worthy of a response ? (I mean texting back at break times)

I'd feel a bit mean tbh if ds1 wanted to share his day with me and I ignored it completely.

As a trainer (not a teacher) it is bl**dy annoying to have people texting in class. It is destracting both for the teacher and other pupils. It's just plain rude.

Tigermoth - if my teen was feeling the need to text me stuff from the quote above during breaktime then I would worry to be honest.

I spent my breaktimes having a laugh with my mates, catching up on the gossip and talking drivel with them - not my mum. I used to barley find tme during breaktime for a wee, let alone texting crap to my mother. I caught up with my mum during 'mum' time (at home/evening/weekend)

I'd be concerned as to why her (using my teenage DSD as an example) breaktime prioirty was to text stuff like that to me rather than interacting with her mates and being a teen.

Breaktime texts I would not necessarily completely ignore - (if I picked it up myself during breaktime and was sure my response would be received during breaktime!)
But I'm at work - Not speding my day wondering what the time is and if it's 'safe' to text.

Urgent/important stuff, Yes - Teenage drivel, probably not, No.
(Time & place & all that)

My dd texts me occasionally - but if I got 6 texts in a day I would be worried about her - when she was in year 7 she texted me every break and lunchtime for the first few weeks, then once she settled in she stopped. Now I get the odd text - sometimes just a piece of random news, but usually "can we have x for tea?" or, more often "Getting the late bus - see you at home" Or' VERY occasionally "Yay, got x% for maths!"

Is your ds happy at school?

Agree with others that timing is key here. If the texts are being sent in lessons, that needs to stop. And you need to know his breaktimes too, so as to not accidentally interrupt lessons.
But other than that, what's not to like? He is a sociable guy, what's so heinous about him staying in touch with his mum during the day?
I would not have been interested in this level of engagement with my own mum tbh TM, but I think it's lovely and reassuring that he gives you a bell when he gets home. Good for him! And then I assume he gets the tea on

He's texting about the jam because he knows texts for mum is still a novelty. In about 3 months, he won't be doing that anymore, I don't think it indicates arrested development or anything.

But yes texting in lessonsis the equivalent of sitting in a dept meeting and texting your mates. Which tbf, I am sometimes tempted to do, but I restrain myself.

I think you are right LittleBella. He is giving his mum a crash course, I bet.

I do think it's a novelty, yes.

When ds texted me today I texted back to ask if he was in a lesson and that put an end to that

However, ponderingthoughts, I can't help feeling your take on what you call 'teenage drivel' is a bit harsh.

If ds1 wants to put finger to phone to tell me something, however trivial it may seem, then, if I can reply to it at a suitable time, I'd want to do so. I love him, care about him and genuinely like hearing from him, as long as he does not bombard me with messages all the time. He's fast at texting, too so even if he is sending me half a dozen texts in the day (his maximum) that's taking just a few minutes of his time - so plenty of time left to talk to his mates.

tbh I've found some of the assumptions on here really worrying. Why should it be wierd for teenagers to want to communicate with their mothers? Just because ds1 is not conforming to the stereotype sullen Kevin-the-teenager at the moment, does not make him odd. How strange that some of you wonder if he as social problems at school because he wants to text me about his day

My ds texts me from school... usually to ask me to pick him up something from town ..I dont find it at all odd he wants to text me ..he even texts me from upstairs lazy sod

My kids have their phones locked in their lockers for the duration of the school day. I would be very shocked to communicate with them in this way, and would certainly not approve of it.

At my school, if anyone breaks the mobile phone policy, they lose their phone - it has to be picked up by a parent from the school office on a Friday afternoon -no exceptions.

Mobile phones are useful for transportation issues after school, but they are a total nuisance in school. I have been in schools where their use is out of control and I am very glad to be in a school that is the polar opposite.

If ds1's school rules stated phones had to be kept in lockers, I would of course comply with this. The policy at ds1's school it not so strict.

I don't assume he has problems - and my dd does like to keep in touch. It's just that I know that the more she texts me, the worse a day she's having! So I would just check it out - snd if he reasures you that he's happy and fine and not homesick then carry on enjoying the snippets of his day.

Perversely, I feel really lonely on the days dd doesn't text me at all - even though I'm pleased because it means she's too busy and engaged for me to cros her mind!

Tigermoth -

We didn't have mobile phones when I was at school (long enough ago to make me a fully fledged adult in my thirties, but not so long ago that I can't remember how things were!)

I never felt cut off from my parents. The school landline phone was always available if we needed it for any reason. I never felt anything other than completely happy and secure with how things were at school then.

Even if I would have been able to text, I can't imagine feeling the need to text my parents during the school day with anything other than information that they may need/have to know.

I had friends/lunch to eat/toilet to go to/clubs to go to/gossip to catch up on with my circle of friends/homework to get finished

I TALKED to my parents at the end of the day and they TALKED to me. That's when we shared all the snippets of what's happened during our day.

I am and always have been very close to my parents and by turn, am close to my children and yes, I do love, care and have a great interest in their lives/day too!

I just think there is a time and a place and we all need the independence to live our own lives to a degree, without needing the ability to be in constant communications and share trivial detail the moment they happen.

I know teens that text their mothers 'hi' during the school day - DURING lesson time. What's that all about?!
(Obvioulsy if that was unusual for that child I would investigate further what was going on, why they needed that reasurance text back from me) but teens do this generally because to them the mobile phone is a gadget/toy and they are bored.
I think indulging that by responding to texts like that is wrong.

I am at work, I have deadlines/meetings/calls. I'll tell my family all about it in detail including stapling my jacket to my paperwork when I get home.

I think this is a fair example to set to my children - no?!

I should add - if they need me for anything, if they are hurt/upset/worried/frightened/ ANYTHING like that then OF COURSE!

We are lucky now that technology enables us to be in contact immediatly when needed and I would drop everything to reply/phone/respond.

What I am referring to is:

'hi'
'Jenny dropped her sandwich on the floor and it's all manky'
'i'm so bored'
'what's for tea?'
'can I have jam in my sandwich tomorrow'
'Julie's drink leaked all over her book ha ha ha'
'Mary sent me this picture of a me to you bear, well cute innit'

What I am NOT referring to is:
'I got an A in maths'
'Football club is cancelled'
'Can I go to Jane's after school?'
'I've eaten in canteen so don't need dinner tonight'

Just to be clear.

pondering thoughts

your postings have been promulgated around my house tonight

fabulous

Ponderingthoughts, I too don't like life lived round mobile phones. As I was born in the 1950s, I have spent lots of my life without one. My own use of one now is minimal, so you are preaching to the converted

You seem very confident that you can discriminate between necessary and unnecessary texts from your teenager. Althought those on your second list demand a quick-ish reply, those on your first list may also signal a situation that could do with a response from you. You can't know for sure what is happening to prompt the text. If my son bothered to text me I would at least reply at some time during the day. He does not sent me texts every 2 minutes!

Having read all the responses here about texting him during lessons, it has firmed my resolve to find out the times of his breaks and only text him then. So timing is not an issue - I started this thread feeling worried about when to respond to texts, now I know what to do (ie find out when ds1 has breaks)

But you seem to be saying that replying even during breaktime is wrong. I too am at work and am busy, but still find time to talk to my colleagues about non-work things at times throughout the day - and they would think it rude and odd if I ignored them when they talked about something non urgent and non work related.

So on the same principle, I'd feel a bit odd and rude ignoring a text from my own son.

Mind you, phones do give them an additional way to be rude - I got a text this morning which said "did u take my maths bk out of my bag?" (I hadn't - she had left it on the living room floor) She got what my father would have called "a very dusty answer" to that!

I would never ignore a text from my own son no matter how trivial some people might find it..I was born in 1959 we never even had a house phone! but him texting me does'nt mean he is a sad lonely billy no mates I like to think its because we have a good relationship and make each other laugh ..each to there own

Grrrr I hat kids texting in lesson, and they think you don't notice!

Don't notice, that their head is down and they are staring intently at the gap under the desk.

I want to STAMP on them in my classes

seeker lol at 'dusty'

My mum texts me when I'm at uni, but my phone's on silent and I'll reply during my breaks. It was the same when I was at school.

The thing is, texting can be good. I've just been to Keswick with uni for three days, and it felt so nice when my mum would send me a text saying something like, "Good morning, how was your night?" (this was yesterday mroning, but we'd text each other each day). In apppropriate situations, a text can make all the difference.