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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Do teenagers ever hug their mums? (Boys that is)

59 replies

fizzbuzz · 12/08/2008 14:15

I have just put ds 14 on a train on his own (my baby-gulp)to London where he is being met by his Grandad.

I was crying (why why) but didn't let him see. I knew I wouldn't get a hug, but I just gently touched is head, and got shrugged off like I was an irritating fly.

I put him on the train, and he said "you can go now". I waited until the train left to wave him goodbye, and he just kept his nose stuck in his shitty games magazine and ignored me.

He is a very pleasant good natured lad, not at all surly or moody, but obviously I am peripheral to his needs right now.

He was such a cuddly boy until he was 12 as well

Do they ever hug their parents at this age?

OP posts:
Original poster
fizzbuzz · 12/08/2008 14:20

Or should I get over myself?

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Lilymaid · 12/08/2008 14:23

I am the mum who waited for the school/club coach to come in after trips away, watched the other mums being hugged by their DDs and DSs and saw mine stomping off towards the car with no intention of hugging me! I managed to get a hug from DS2 last week when he returned home from a 3 week World Challenge trip - perhaps the tide is changing now he is 17.

Notquitegrownup · 12/08/2008 14:24

Awww. Sympathy. I have two boys and I am bracing myself for the teenage years.

I think that it's not unusual for boys to struggle with hugs in public, but when he comes back from his Grandads, in the privacy of your own home, you could ask him for a hug, then having that under your belt, make it a family rule. Mums need a hug a day/a week. Without any hugs, Mums shrivel up and can't cook anymore. Sons get to choose when it happens, but happen it must. Something like that?

Goober · 12/08/2008 14:24

Sorry, but mine hugs me, he is very odd though!

I don't care how old they are, if you are packing them off to a strange place you want them to know that you love them.

Have a hug from me: {{{{{{ x }}}}}}
And one from my DS1: {{{{{{ gerrof }}}}}}

Better now?

ShowOfHands · 12/08/2008 14:24

My dh and 2 BILs have always been extremely cuddly. They cuddle their Mum and Dad often, say I love you lots and are affectionate and honest with them. They were cuddly children too. However, there was a blip in the middle with all of them. At about 14 according to MIL.

He'll be back for cuddles I bet.

TrinityRhino · 12/08/2008 14:25

my stepsons are 21 and 22 now and they hug me, dont think they did at 14 and 15 though

sorry

Original poster
fizzbuzz · 12/08/2008 14:35

So when do they come back?

Thank you for a your lovely kind posts. They have made me fill up, although I just don't know why.

It just seemed so grown up going on his own...

However no huge meals to cook or massive shoes to fall over so some benefits!

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Goober · 12/08/2008 14:37

You will miss falling over his shoes though.

Threadwworm · 12/08/2008 14:39

Perhaps he was busy trying to be independent and keep back the 'I need my mum' thoughts, putting on a show of indifference. I know my DS1 (very nearly 13) does this sometimes, though he will hug me and hold hands at other times.

DS2 is very cuddly, but even he looks both ways like he was about to cross the road before kissing me outside school.

Original poster
fizzbuzz · 12/08/2008 14:41

LOL at looking both ways.

How old is ds2?

Not missing the shoes yet Goober, they are a 12 so are like barges.

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Milliways · 12/08/2008 18:02

DS is 13 tomorrow, but he is still VERY cuddly and is always plonking himself onto available laps

Guess I should make the most of it....

SqueakyPop · 12/08/2008 18:04

No hugs here, but they still call me mummy

Original poster
fizzbuzz · 12/08/2008 18:30

I used to get the odd hug at 13, and still got called mummy sometimes....

And then they go into Year 9, and by Christmas the aliens have stolen them

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herbietea · 12/08/2008 18:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

PavlovtheCat · 12/08/2008 18:34

My friend's DS aged 14 hugs her, in a sort of gangly embarrassed kind of way, but he still does it.

And he hugs me hello and goodbye too.

But he wont say hello if he sees me in town, when he is with a friend

Original poster
fizzbuzz · 12/08/2008 18:36

Mine still did at 13.5 . He'll be 15 in December

14 seems to be the age

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catweazle · 12/08/2008 18:38

My 18 yo hugs me (but he has ADHD and doesn't care what anyone else thinks)

My 16 yo would like to pretend I don't exist (and was very cuddly until he was 12 )

DaisyBuchanon · 12/08/2008 18:39

They stop hugging, and then they start again. DS1 re-started hugging when he was around 18.

The sweetest thing he's ever done was when he was en-route to Heathrow to start 6 months' travelling around Africa, aged 18. I was in pieces, as you can imagine, and he rang with some sun-cream related excuse and then mumbled "I love you" just before he hung up .

tigermoth · 12/08/2008 18:40

ahh, I'm sure your ds will be back to his old cuddly ways if you wait. He used to be cuddly, so he's got it hot wired into him

Do you think at the station it was the cuddling in public bit that he couldn't manage? And going on a train was a first for him, so perhaps all his thoughts were focussed on looking grown up at the station.

My 14 year old son is still cuddly (but only in private now) however he is on the young side for his age, so will probably hit the no cuddles phase just as your son in emerging from it.

Original poster
fizzbuzz · 12/08/2008 18:52

Am liking the hot wiring idea a lot. Thank you Tigermoth

He will give me the odd one in private if I ask, but never offers

Too cool I guess {grin]

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Freckle · 12/08/2008 19:00

DS1 (14) still likes loads of cuddles and will hug and kiss me in front of his friends . DS2 (12) is less tactile but still happy to have the occasional hug and kiss.

OTOH, DS1 can be a grumpy sod and today told me that I'm ugly. Sigh.

Original poster
fizzbuzz · 12/08/2008 19:07

Freckle

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TheGirlWithGreenEyes · 12/08/2008 19:10

Ds1 is very cuddly - at home - sometimes too much when I'm trying to do something! But he absolutely hates being kissed/hugged at school gate (he is only 7 though!)

Overmydeadbody · 12/08/2008 19:13

My brother is 16 and very affectionate to our parents and will still lie on the sofa with my dad or mum to watch a film or tv, but I'm not sure how much affection he would show them in public.

He is very affectionate to me though, regardless of where we are or who might see him!

Original poster
fizzbuzz · 12/08/2008 19:22

Mine is obviously in the minority then

What have I done wrong?

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