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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Do teenagers ever hug their mums? (Boys that is)

59 replies

fizzbuzz · 12/08/2008 14:15

I have just put ds 14 on a train on his own (my baby-gulp)to London where he is being met by his Grandad.

I was crying (why why) but didn't let him see. I knew I wouldn't get a hug, but I just gently touched is head, and got shrugged off like I was an irritating fly.

I put him on the train, and he said "you can go now". I waited until the train left to wave him goodbye, and he just kept his nose stuck in his shitty games magazine and ignored me.

He is a very pleasant good natured lad, not at all surly or moody, but obviously I am peripheral to his needs right now.

He was such a cuddly boy until he was 12 as well

Do they ever hug their parents at this age?

OP posts:
Goober · 12/08/2008 19:47

You've done nothing wrong.
You taught him to be independant.
Your DS is not a Mama's boy like everybody else's on here, myself included.
Be proud.

Tortington · 12/08/2008 19:52

oh yes - i get Big hugs from my big lad (18)

My little lad (15) gives me hugs in private - not in public.

Original poster
fizzbuzz · 12/08/2008 20:10

I think I want a Mama's boy......

Custy was there a change in type and quantity of hugs from either of them?

OP posts:
Tortington · 12/08/2008 20:33

it becomes more of a protectie thing - i suppose it depends on the boy too - i mean thepair of mine have been brought up exactly the same ish - but my oldest has never bothered - he is a broad lad, not scared of taking care of himself kinda lad. so its never been a dent in his masculinity to hug his mum - i think

whereas my youngest would rather die than hug me infront of his mates - cos its gay (v. un pc i know)

he has in past given me a hug if dh and i have had v. bad time - which we had for a while, and if i come home from work upset - i sometimes do , he asks me if i want a love- so its in there - with sincerety!

he also likes to say " gimme a love you big love machine" in an american accent - think it comes from a film?

think you shouldsay " OI YOU gimme loves, NOW!
i like to say " gi' yer owd mam a love, had a bad day " they like the man protecting thing!

WendyWeber · 12/08/2008 20:41

Mine are exactly the same as custy's - big lad (mine is 20) hugs in front of anybody, young one (15) only in private, but big one was the same at 15 IIRC.

Original poster
fizzbuzz · 12/08/2008 20:42

Tee hee aren't they sweet?

Actually have just remembered ds is very sweet when I am upset, so something is still there...

Keep thinking about that Robert Winston thing that said kids lose the emotional bit of their brain at about 12, and it doesn't return fully until about 25...

OP posts:
WendyWeber · 12/08/2008 20:50

Well DS2 wouldn't even touch me for quite a while, probably when he was 14 too, so I think it's just a stage; as tigermoth said, if they're wired to be affectionate they won't lose it

Saggarmakersbottomknocker · 12/08/2008 21:01

Both my boys lost their hugginess. Tis back now

Original poster
fizzbuzz · 12/08/2008 21:28

What age did it return?

OP posts:
ranting · 12/08/2008 21:31

Well I get the odd hug (he's 14) but it is of the awkward manly variety and not very often tbh. He does still give me a peck on the forehead when he goes to bed though, think the whole 12-16 bit is awkward for boys full stop, I'm sure it will return.

Saggarmakersbottomknocker · 12/08/2008 21:31

The youngest is 17. He's especially cuddly when he wants something

MarsLady · 12/08/2008 21:33

Yes I get hugs and kisses. Often initiated by him . He'll kiss me in front of his friends, in front of strangers.

Of course it helps when they get to the teasing age if you repeat this simple magic phrase...

"I didn't carry you inside me for over 9 months for you to just walk away without giving me a kiss!"

QueenEagle · 12/08/2008 21:35

ds1 is 14 and is soooo embarrassed to hug me, but I grab him sometimes and plonk a smacker on his cheek saying, Give yer old mum a kiss and cuddle, all smelly old aunty stylee.

ds2 is 12 and still cuddly but he is just starting to get too cool to kiss.

ds3, 5 is Aspergers and all hugs at the minute are "hitting" him.

ds4, 3 is soooo cuddly and kissy. Lovely!

Original poster
fizzbuzz · 12/08/2008 21:39

Yes I find dd age 2 is very cuddly and kissy and get comfort from that.

She thinks the sun shines out of me, ds observes me with a detatched teenage rolling of eyes.

I wonder sometimes if I gave birth to both of them and if they are actually the same species never mind family...

OP posts:
ranting · 12/08/2008 21:49

It could be the age gap makes you compare them a bit, I have a largish age gap too and dd is wonderfully cuddly (she's 5) and ds is not but, it's just part of the parental separation thing. Ds was a really cuddly boy until he hit his teens, I'm sure it will pass, just have to keep telling yourself it's just the way they grow.

rubyloopy · 18/08/2008 16:01

Message withdrawn

MatildaM · 24/08/2008 20:22

This thread makes your heart ache.
My DS1, (aged 12, shoe size 11), appears to have entered the dark tunnel of no hugs . He actually flinched the other day when I put my arm around him. Admittedly it was in public but not in front of anyone he knew. My shocked reaction resulted in an apology but I will keep my hands to myself in future outside the house.
DS2 also looks both ways when we are out but still cuddly at home . He's 10 so I'd better get plenty of hugs in the bank to last until they both emerge.

BecauseImWorthIt · 24/08/2008 20:27

DS1 is 16 and would definitely not hug me in public, although at home it's alright. But much less alright than it used to be when he was little.

DS2, 13, is only just doing the shrugging off in public - but is definitely more aware. At home, again, it's totally different.

Both of them still come up to our bed in the morning - DH wakes them up and goes downstairs to do their breakfast and both boys get into bed with me to have a cuddle.

whatdayisit · 24/08/2008 20:36

You've done well if you got hugs until he was 12. My 7yo regularly tells me "you can go now"

georgimama · 24/08/2008 20:36

Don't have any teenage sons (got one of 18 months though who has just started kissing me, please tell me this will not end) but had teenage brothers. They acted like they were embarressed that my mum breathed, but come 20+ they are cuddly as you like with her. Don't worry.

snorkle · 24/08/2008 21:33

They're all different fizzbuzz and it's just part of them growing up and getting independent. They still need us, but in a gradually different way and it can take some time for them to figure out that hugs can be part of the new relationship. Ds(14) still hugs me but not so much in public these days. I saw him off alone on the train to Portsmouth today too, but we didn't hug at the station - I suspect I embarassed him by chasing the train down the platform, but I couldn't quite see his expression clearly .

Coincindently it's his first time alone across London too, but he managed fine - even changing the planned tube route on the fly as the jubilee line was closed. It left me with a funny feeling inside & wondering where the time has gone since he was a tot

jellibabe · 24/08/2008 22:59

My 5 year old started school on Monday. After collecting them from aftercare he asked me for a high five saying 'Girls kiss and cuddle, Boys give thumbs up or high fives'. Is this where it all starts? Cramming in my last pictures of him and his teddy while I can.

22jillian22 · 10/04/2023 00:22

Wow this is an old thread! I was just going to reply to say you aren’t the only one! I feel sad as my 14 year old doesn’t want me to touch him. Even if I gently touch his shoulder he is repelled. I hope your son has started hugging you again since you posted! X

TwoPointFourCatsAndDogs · 11/04/2023 09:27

My DS17 is just starting to give hugs again when there’s a special event/occasion. I did get a hug last summer before and after a world trip. He probably stopped hugging in Year 8 so age 13. I’m hoping it’s business as usual by the time he goes to Uni or I shall be a right mess!

WeAllHaveWings · 11/04/2023 09:57

I've always had loads of hugs from my 19 year old but from preteen age NEVER in public where someone might see 👀