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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

dont all tell me off

103 replies

changemenameforthis · 29/07/2008 21:48

my son has just found a girlfriend. only msn etc at the moment but i am so worried about him. hes my baby (16) and i not handling it very well. i have told him not to get to involved but dont know what else to say. would rather he waited till he much older.

OP posts:
stleger · 30/07/2008 17:25

My ds is 16 and has a girlfriend who is very needy and clingy - I sense I am turning into dragon MIL. She brings dogs to our house to visit dd2 though, dd2 is a dog fan. DD1 is 15 next month, has a boyfriend who lives far away and msns a lot; I suspect if his mum sees her bebo site, she will be the one saying 'trollope'. To outsiders they are young adults, to their mothers there is always an illogical bit of the mind where they are babies!

Tortington · 30/07/2008 17:27

pmsl - i have no words.

solo · 30/07/2008 23:57

I've been thinking about this thread...Although it's a very long time ago, I remember being 15/16. I was quite mature for my age, but was brought up with a strict and strong attitude from my parents. I did it my way though - even though mum and dad still really know nothing about my life back then, just what they think they know. I do wish that I'd done things differently when I look back now. Hindsight is a marvellous thing after all. To that end I think that open conversations and trust is the key with both teenager and parent/s meeting halfway - at least for starters. Of course, the apron string umbilical cord has to be severed at some point, I just hope that it's in a pleasant and understanding way at least in the solo household

Quattrocento · 31/07/2008 00:01

Baby? 16?

You're lucky he's taken so long

2shoes · 31/07/2008 11:00

how strange tha the op hasn't been back

lilolilmanchester · 31/07/2008 13:39

can't blame her 2shoes, she wasn't getting a lot of support.

2shoes · 31/07/2008 21:39

it's a shame as it is an interesting subject imo. I have never quite understood this topic as I thought it was where you posted about your teen and parents of other teens answered, trouble is people with little tots answer

mumblechum · 01/08/2008 01:33

Probably because the ones with little tots aren't much more than teenagers themselves

zazen · 01/08/2008 02:11

This has to be a wind up - either that or the old adage about mothers and sons is right - Dr Freud knew a thing or two. Get over the jealousy, and the blatant sexism that all girls who steal their little baby-diddum's cherries are trollops.

15 or 16 is old enough. The little birdy has flown the coop. I was ready at 15 to leave home and get a job - I was a lot more clued in then than I was in my 20s in a way.

Provide condoms and let them have sex in his bedroom if they want - nothing like your own bed for having a lovely time - and you do want him to have good memories of his first forays don't you? Or is sex dirty and to be saved up for someone you love?

this has to be a troll..

mumblechum · 01/08/2008 10:26

That's a bit harsh, Zazen

Original poster
changemenameforthis · 01/08/2008 17:55

not a troll, have work i have to do.
thanks for all the sensible comments. to zezan i can only say how proud your parents must be of you and i only hope any children you have may not bring you all these trivial worries.

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 01/08/2008 18:10

Well, troll or not, I kinda know how the OP feels, having two sons just a little bit older. (21 and almost 18)

I still look at my younger and think he's my baby (though the beard should tell me something ) and I got oddly sentimental looking at a photo of him a decade ago, all cheeky grin and freckles... [teary smile emoticon]

They both have girlfriends - the elder (I think) is still on his first after three years and the younger celebrated their first anniversary recently. He'd had other girlfriends before, and yes, one of them was a trollop psychobampot, but that's another story.

It is odd when you first think that they're having sex, but you soon learn to ignore the bed squeaking live with it.

And girlfriends can be a really civilising influence. DS2 spontaneously does his own laundry these days.

2shoes · 01/08/2008 18:12

oh my ds is taller than me and 16 but still my lttle boy

lilolilmanchester · 01/08/2008 18:12

zazen, how old are your DCs? There is nothing remotely trollish about changemename's posts.

SlartyBartFast · 01/08/2008 18:26

has he physically met her though?

AbbeyA · 01/08/2008 19:46

Well I thought it was a troll.
She hasn't met her and yet called her a trollop! Much better to be friendly.

edam · 01/08/2008 19:57

Blimey, why is everyone so quick to yell 'troll' when they spot a post by someone they don't know or that contains strong opinions?

OP, I understand that you feel protective but at 15 it's entirely normal for him to have a girlfriend. Your little boy is growing up! (My ds is too young for this to be an issue but I can remember wanting to HIT any boys who so much as looked at my baby sister when she was 15...)

AbbeyA · 01/08/2008 20:01

They are old enough to get married at 16yrs, so even if you don't like it, they are old enough. It isn't exactly surprising!

ButterflyMcQueen · 01/08/2008 20:04

bagsundereyes wise words

theSuburbanDryad · 01/08/2008 20:06

To be fair, the OP did apologise for using the word "trollop" and said she was v tired when she said it!

AbbeyA · 01/08/2008 20:12

I know she was tired but it was no excuse. She needs to welcome any girlfriends! I love having them about.
I haven't had to try it, but if I get one I don't like I shall keep quiet, be very friendly and encourage them to come around to the house a lot in the hope that DS will realise they are not very nice.
Making a fuss and being unfriendly makes them more determined, throws them into each others arms and makes them devious.

2shoes · 01/08/2008 23:48

I do agree, at that age they love the idea of "roamnce" so forbiden fruit is all the sweeter.
I am lucky and ds gf is lovely and passes the dd test, But I know that next time it might be different, but is will just have to meke her welcome.

tots2ten · 02/08/2008 00:05

i moved out of home when i was 15, (well 2 weeks away from my 16th birthday) and we are still together 12 years, and 5 kids later.

mumtofour · 02/08/2008 00:16

We cannot control our kids lives or emotions. My eldest DS is 14 and has a girlfriend whom he goes cinema etc with. He talks to me about her and that to me is great as so much with teenagers is uncool to share with mum. If your son is 16 then it is understandable girlfriends are part of his life. It is hard for us mums as we have to learn to stand back and watch our kids grow and learn from life experiences. You sound a caring mum and that is what he needs.

AbbeyA · 02/08/2008 07:44

I know someone who started going out with her now husband when she was 16 and he was 22yrs. This caused no end of problems with her family because of the age difference. It all looks rather silly now because they are still very happy together, have got very good jobs and have 2 lovely daughters ,both at university. It isn't worth a lot of aggro just because you are not ready for it.
I think I will stop defending MILs because this shows the other side of the coin. Anyone who can condemn a girl they haven't met, is likely to find they don't like the serious choice later on. You have no choice in DCs love life so you need to welcome whoever comes along.

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