Teenage girl fallout and not sure how to help dd. Dds friends mum keeps texting from friends phone as if it’s friend and not sure how to navigate it.

[Purplyjumper]

My dd has had a minor falling out with someone she considered a close friend (call her B) who is at a different school. Ever since, Bs mum is texting dd instead of B but from Bs phone pretending to be B.

Dd said B hasn’t text her since they’ve fallen out, it’s only the mum that’s replied to dds texts and it’s obvious by the bigger words that they wouldn’t use, no emojis no shorthand text etc.

dd doesn’t know what to do about it now. Also B has been bombarding social media with pictures of her with another girl and captioning them as ‘my bff’ as if to rub it in my dd face about them falling out (it’s only happened since they fell out)

should dd just casually branch away from B? I know my dd is hurting and I want to do the best thing by everyone tbh. Dd would like to be friends again but I don’t think that’s going to happen. I am finding it a bit odd that the mum is texting and replying to dd as well and not sure how to manage this.

Are you sure the big words are down to her mum and not AI?

Either way, I'd let your daughter deal with this, although I might suggest she blocks her for now.

I would honestly not tolerate such unhinged behaviour from mother or daughter. Just block them both. Important lesson for your daughter in boundaries and standing up for herself.

Block them both. It may not be her mum texting, it could just be her mum telling her what to write. Was there any bullying involved?

Why don't why meet up and talk to each other?

Block. Next!

OP, I don't know how you feel about this but I think sending a message pretending to be someone else is very wrong. I can't ever see how it could be acceptable. I think you should let DD lead on this, as with all friendship issues, if I'm honest. Be super supportive but don't offer a view, letting her come to her own conclusions. However, I would have to say that messaging on someone else's phone is unacceptable. If anyone ever did that on my phone I would be livid. Does the kid know her mum is doing this? I think it would be even weirder if that was the case.

Sorry your DD is upset. Falling out with friends is upsetting but a good opportunity to learn some invaluable life lessons about what you will and won't accept in a friendship. Sympathy to you too-it's really miserable as a parent but we can't fix it ourselves. You can only provide support while she navigates it herself.

What is the mum saying, is it threatening?

Tell her that some people are fucking nutters and you should stay away from them. If it actually is the mum, she is a total freak. Reassure your daughter that actually she’s better off being away from these people as they’re extremely odd.

Life lesson: some people are just insane.

Is there not a law that you cannot harass someone online and on their phone anyway? Especially an adult to a minor?

Dd can see texts B sent to other friends and they’re still in the usual style of how they all text. Also the mum uses words that none of
them would use, more the mums era of words, no emojis, plus both my dd and this girls can’t spell for anything and now she’s using nice big words neither of them even understand. That’s how I found out, my dd asked what a word meant and said she thinks Bs mum is texting her since they fell out,

I think B is aware, dd will receive a weird reply from her texts and then B will post a social media post about her new bff etc. it’s not threatening more that it’s weird but also Bs mum is sending very very long messages that I’m pretty sure B and my dc wouldn’t even know how to write, both aren’t the brightest of dc!

Can you confront the mum about this? It’s not appropriate for her to go to war on her child’s behalf like this

I’d say that their age is a factor in how it should be handled. How old are they?

13 and the weirdest bit is the mum is in a job that would know this isn’t ok behaviour and the power imbalance is not right between an adult and a dc doing this. I think she will deny it’s her if I ask tbh. I think I will mention to dd
that she should wait until the texts return to Bs style before contacting her again or maybe to call her instead. And let it fizzle out if nothing changes.

If the mum is texting that is really very weird and certainly not to be engaged with.

Tell your daughter to stay polite and that these things usually blow over.

Personally I’d just block and walk away.

Block and ignore no drama here

I think it could be this. The daughter might be copying and pasting AI responses. Sometimes people use AI to help them with difficult conversations.

I’d 100% block. You can’t leave access open for an adult to text your Dd. It’s completely inappropriate and very weird.

Is your DD reluctant to block because she hopes the friendship with B might recover? Otherwise I would definitely block. Maybe your DD will agree that a bit of breathing space would be a good idea. Are the odd messages trying to heal the breach or make it worse? I don't think the mother's behaviour is OK but possibly understandable if she is trying to mend the friendship.

I'd probably advise her to text B 'None of these texts sound like it is genuinely you texting, and I'm growing concerned, so I'm going to block this number for now. If you want to speak to me, then you know where I am. Cheers'.

This is polite, shows that she is pretty sure it's someone else and that she's not engaging any longer.

What kind of things does B/mum type

There could be a number of other explanations as previous posters have said, using AI, B asking her mum (or someone else) for help in what to say, or how to phrase things. I know my kids sometimes ask me how to say something if they are struggling to put it into words, particularly if it is a difficult subject. If your DD wants to be friends again, why can't she just message B this? Everything would probably just go back to normal then.

I’d like to give the benefit of the doubt and say that it’s AI but I can tell it’s not.

Silly things like the local language being used from our neck of the woods but words the girls wouldn’t use. I use AI for work too and it’s just not in a way I’d expect from AI although I appreciate that’s for my
job rather than texting friends!

also the mum’s text look similar to ones she
has sent me and last time the mum text me she sent a text straight afterwards to dd and looking back now it just all feels a bit off. I wouldn’t post this on here if I felt like something wasn’t off tbh.

If DD wants to try to save the friendship or thinks she might later, perhaps she could text something like "you don't sound like yourself right now. Let's stop texting for now and wait until we can talk in person". Then block if necessary. I wouldn't worry about the performative "me and my BFF" stuff - it's pretty typical at that age I think; DD and B may be besties again in a few weeks or months or never again.

I had similar.

Block and delete.

For you both.

If they are in different schools it will fizzle out.

Well done to you DD for noticing that things just aren't right and asking for advice