What age would you allow a teenager a London weekend with friends?

[Pepperama]

At what age would you let your DS travel to London with some good mates to spend a long weekend? They’d be staying with a family member just outside London, and then spend the days exploring. We’re in the north so it’s not around the corner if something isn’t going to plan, and he’s not been to London or done any travelling with friends yet.

Yes, 13 years old but we live in London. My son used to go up to Liverpool when he was younger to stay with a friend he used to go to school with, I think he was 14 but I knew the dad and the daughter very well.

14/15. Younger if it was a family member of ours or someone we knew well. In your circumstances I'd also be borderline!

I once spent 2 weeks at home with only my 18 year old brother for supervision, then got the train to Manchester airport and flew to Bahrain via Amsterdam completely unaccompanied when I was 15. I was meeting my parents on the other side to be fair but in hindsight my parents were extremely laissez-faire....

My 15 year old travelled from home (North) to London on his own on the train this summer to stay with family friends. I would let him do what you’re proposing now OP, I actually think it’s good for them to have to navigate their way round new places and develop independence skills.

Most hotels will only allow under 18’s if accompanied by an adult so I would say 18 personally. If it was a day trip and you lived nearer I would say 16 but as you say you live in the north that wouldn’t work for London. My 16 year old has done day trips from Newcastle to York and Edinburgh with his friends but I was worried about them missing last trains back incase the hot stranded for night with no way of getting a hotel!

Mine has been going to London on his own to stay with brother since 12 but a very phased approach. Talked him through the barriers, how doors open, toilets work, where you find train platforms and info. Listening to announcements. Live train apps and so on.
First few times I walked him to the platform and put him on train. Brother met him. No changes. Gradually worked up to managing 2 changes all on his own but I do totally track it online and tell him what platform to use. He's 16 now BUT its only an hour and a half journey. And I 100% prioritise having full battery and being able to use Google maps etc over personal trackers.

I would be saying No at 14, London is unlike other UK cities in the scale of it, the transport network is complicated, it's busy and hectic and the type of crime there at the moment (phone snatching from bikes) means if you're looking stuff up and trying to find your way then you make yourself a bit of a target. I think I'd actually be happier with my ds going abroad to a small touristy place in Europe than spending a weekend in London. I love it, and lived there for a while, but it is tricky to get your bearings and people there are busy and getting on with their day so it's not always easy to get help if you need it. It's a fab city, but I'd wait a year or two. If he really wants to go, would you want to go and stay nearby and be able to keep an ear/eye out for them too (although that's quite a big commitment). Staying with strangers I imagine he'd also be awkward asking for help if he feels uncomfortable, and you don't know their rules and levels of responsibility.

If kids grow up in ir near London, it's very different because they know all the local transport options and how to navigate the pace of it from a young age, and they also have parents nearby to help if needed.

From the North East. Was allowed down to London for a week (maybe 5 days?) after GCSEs, aged 16.
Went with a friend, stayed with her Aunt in zone 4. This was about 15 years ago now, so no phone tracking, don't remember having Google Maps on phone.

Conditions from my parents were that I paid for it myself, including spending money. Friends aunt had agreed to feed us, but we did do a couple of cheap lunches out. Mostly wandered around, did museums and bought souvenirs. We got the megabus down and back, so much cheaper than train (it was £8 each each way, so £32 total), bought travel cards in advance, so we wouldn't get stuck anywhere. I'd been to London once earlier in the year, but friend had been down loads.

I'd demonstrated my competence at navigation already, was pretty trustworthy, and was going abroad with Guiding later in the summer (although that was with adult leaders). We also did a list of things we wanted to do, and my parents looked over it before we went, and basically approved it all as safe enough that they were happy. We also were not the kind of 16 year olds to try to go out clubbing at that age. My sister would not have been allowed to go on the same trip at a similar age, due to the fact she would have probably tried to go clubbing, her and her equivalent friend would have (& had track record for) left each other, and she was liable to get lost and ring my parents in a panic (and has done this as an adult too).

I'd say that was pretty reasonable, and if you suspect your son will be similar to me, then at 14 it's fine to let him go, with some similar caveats.
If you're not sure, then it should be a 'this is what we need to see before we agree to let you go to London overnight with your friends'.
And what would be an automatic no, for example if he goes out and doesn't come home on time and doesn't contact you, if he breaks your trust by lying about where he's going, if he isn't saving money towards it as you expect. I'd also say, if you let him go, be clear that it's not a yes for every time in the future, and that it's a bit of a trial.
If it's a no, then it's totally fair to say you'll reevaluate it next year, when he's older and wiser, and that you understand it may be disappointing, but his attitude in accepting your no this time will play into your future decision too.

Definitely child dependant.

we live very rurally out in the Cotswolds. Public transport is few and far between and up until this month when my 16 year old dd started college she’d never got on a bus before.
its not the most reliable and we’ve had to rescue her on more than one occasion where the bus hasn’t turned up. In her first week she waited at completely the wrong stop. She’s a bit ditsy and has zero sense of direction.

if she was going with someone else that I was confident knew the London transport system well then I’d let her go now. But wouldn’t have let her go before now.

I have 14 and 12 year old dd’s also and they’re just as clueless with public transport as it’s just so rare to use it where we live. Buses only run every 2-3 hours (if they turn up at all). Last bus is by 5pm and no buses on a Sunday. So we’ve just never used it. For both of them I think I’d want to at least visit London with them first so they can get a feel for how busy it is, the underground etc, then once they hit 16 provided they were sensible, I’d feel happier.

we did take my 16 year old to London back in August so she could go to the weeknd concert at Wembley with her boyfriend. So showed her then how to tap in/out at tube stops. But she was extremely nervous with how busy it all was.

Thank you everyone. In a way it’s good to see that there isn’t clear consensus but a sense that it’s maybe a year or two to early. Which is my thinking too. Just a shame that DS’s friends are that extra year older (due to him being so young in the year). He’s still trying to convince us …

DSS is going to have some time on his own with a friend on a few weeks. They will come on the train with us, go off on their own for the afternoon and meet us early evening. He is 14 (just). He has been to London with us plenty (we live an hour or so away) so this is sort of trial to see how he gets on, and if it’s fine we will think of letting him get the train in on his own at some point soon.

I think you have to treat him as the school year he is in.

My youngest is end of August (and was due 1st October) it wouldn't have been fair on him if I had parented him as if he was a school year younger.

To expand on my point.

You son is expected to participate in sports with children nearly a year older.

He is expected to do exams with children nearly a year older.

He is expected to be mature enough to be in that year group.

It is new for all of them now, if you don't let him who will he do the 'firsts' with?

Because the friends that are doing this now, will be doing the next step next time

He is disadvantaged by birth, providing you thing his friends are good don't let him miss out with his friends.

I think you have to treat him as the school year he is in.

I agree. He'll always be the youngest, so he'll always miss out on these experiences if you base it solely on his birthday.

Speaking as one who was the youngest in my year; my parents never made an issue of it.

You are obviously a cqring parent but I really feel you will be, inadvertantly, doing him a real disservice, and even potrntial harm, if you don't let him go to this and other similar events. It's an entirely age appropriate step towards independencr - the boys are staying with adults who will be in loco parentis and will, one assumes, ensure your son is safe if the boys have some form of drastic argument and abandon each other in town. (Highly unlikely if they are nice boys).

Have you ever had to go out and intervene when he is out with friends? I very much doubt it at this age - so his being in London makes little difference really.

Except that it's a city like no other - I don't love London myself but I know that it's special, and going there is kind of a right of passage for teens. He will gain so much in terms of confidence, and cultural capital etc. As well as fun! And really cementing his relationships with his friends.

Please let him go. Children do find it harder to develop necessary independence when parents are overly protective, even when this is done out of pure love.