Did friendships improve for your daughter by Year 11?

[Crazybusymama]

My DD in y10, recently got dumped by her friendship group in September, and there was no real reason, she didnt watch horror movies like them so they would meet without her and complain she spoke to other kids at school. She suggested doing other activities and meet ups but they weren't interested. Anyway think perhaps they weren't a good fit. But since then she's finding it really hard to be accepted by any of the girls, they all are very cliqey and have been friends since y7. Shes really lovely, clever and kind, but all the girls are like we are a group culture at her school. No one seems to want to embrace a new person in to their groups. The boys are quite lovely and chat to her quite abit this causes more unnecessary agro at school amongst the girls. Did anyone's DD get to year 11 and it get better. I'm encouraging her to maybe just try and have lunch on her own, this stresses her out who she'll hang with at breaks and lunch. Its a real shame as she's just a really lovely girl and when it was vice versa she was always inclusive of the girls who now have their own friends, and aren't happy to reciprocate. She has a good friend but this friend is torn as her friends aren't inclusive of my dd and make it clear they dont want her to hang to the point they openly blank her and say hi to this other girl, lie about where they are having lunch and give my dd dirty looks. It made her really ill and she had time off school. The school aren't as helpful as I'd like, and in all honesty I don't think you can force 15 year olds to change. Its very stressful and I'm getting to the point where im just so stressed out by it all. She doesn't have anyone really her age outside of school and no cousins her age. As in covid she changed primary school as we moved, and although made friends never got a chance to get close. She goes to a club outside of school which she enjoys but the girls all go to the same secondary as each other which my dd doesn't attend so although lovely are very close. Dd doesn't feel like she is in with them. Ive found her a teen group to try in a few weeks and a tuition centre to try hopeing she can mingle and meet people her age. It all makes me so sad. I can't change school as the syllabuses don't match. Any advice? She trys clubs at lunch but they aren't on the whole of lunch. Did anyone's dd in year 11 find things improved or any advice? We are going to look at a different 6th form or college.

All girls schools can be worse in my experience!

OP, how big is the heat group? Can she join one of the classroom friends for lunch - or the boys? I assume it's not all the girls doing this talking and then running away, just one particularly silly group who are probably under the influence of one person. By Y10, unless it's a very tiny school, there are surely more mature kids. I would make sure she ignores the silly girls, they're clearly targeting her for a laugh. Also do school know? It is nearly end of term but perhaps they could move her form group for next year? (Are the silly girls in her form?). Bit of a fresh start.

Year group - not heat group!!

@PrincessOfPreschool it's fairly small the girls are from different forms. Say 120 In total. She really enjoys her lessons and has spoken to her teachers via email not to be sat with certain people. I would change school i rang a few is well but the exam.boards dont all match and courseworks syllabuses being different means she might end up worse grades. Shes predicted 8s and 9s.

It seems to be a weird culture the girls are all in their groups but all socialise at parties so seem to be all very similar behaviour towards her, the ones that don't is who she was friends with that dropped her, they've also made a group with this new group that dd tried but to be told they only want to be exclusively a 4, and one girl quite horrible to her, as one of the girls is dds friend from y7 but she doesnt really know what to say or do as her friends are nice to her. The boys are nice and initially messaged dd to sit with them as they could see the girls all copying each other's behaviour and excluding dd. But then the girls must have said something as the boys all go to parties with the girls, and said it was best she didnt hang with them. Dd said she didnt want to all the time but just someone to have lunch with. Doesn't help that every time the boys chat to her just being geniunely nice the girls give dirty looks to her. Shes found a quiet spot on a bench to eat and takes her kindle to read, think as its near end of school the clubs all have ended which makes it all the worse.

I tried speaking to school but ig was the school who got involved initially making things worse with her old friend group so dd is very weary about their involvement, she made herself so ill and had 6 weeks of school earlier this year ive had to get her a therapist again costly and so sad she needs one. All the stress. I think its worse as this y7 friend was always an option and now she isnt dd feels sad that their isnt an option some days either 😔

@PrincessOfPreschool My DDs went to 3 all girls schools and they were fine. There’s a good selection of girls! It’s obviously possible to ignore the few that are odd or off! Most are fine and there’s a variety of “tribes” based on interests. With 60 girls you would think a few would be ok?

I think having time off has set her apart, which is sad. I agree she needs to get her grades and move on. It’s common for dc not to want school involvement. It makes the issue even more obvious but what did they do for pastoral support when she was off? Anything?