DS1 is 18, and I cannot stop crying.

[IAmClemFandango]

Exactly that really.

DS1 turned 18 yesterday. In the run up to his birthday I was tearful, on his actual birthday I was OK, today I am broken again. I keep bursting into tears, it's like I am "missing" the baby/toddler/child he was. My DM and DH think I've lost my mind.

Please tell me I am not alone in feeling this way? Its completely self-indulgent and I feel like an idiot even saying it out loud.

Ok this is an extreme example but: my mother in law ended up in a wheelchair when my DH - her youngest - left for university. Saw so many doctors in the UK, terrible aches and pains all over and her body seizing up. She ended up going to the Mayo clinic in the US and they said it was an emotional reaction to my DH leaving home. It had gone on for 18 months. She’s now fine.

I suppose what I’m saying is these things can escalate (!) and if you’re feeling “broken” and that feeling lingers, it’s not one to ignore xx

You're not ridiculous, it's a momentous time in your life.

FFS, cut the fucking cord!

Be happy for the lad, there's nothing to be sad about!

I would think again about if there's something more going on that's put you in such a fug. It isn't normal to feel the way you're feeling about having an adult child.

His 18th is not about you.

DH has a DM who is a massive narcissist and every big event in his life ultimately always has to be about her and her feelings. It's so damaging to their relationship.

You are feeling what you are feeling but please recognise from the people around you that this will not be perceived postively, just let him be 18 and be proud you've parented him to adulthood successfully.

I think it's fair to be sad when kids grow up, and perhaps a little apprehensive or scared even, for both them and you. I know I feel similar sometimes. And of course birthdays are lines in the sand or particularly obvious moments when we contemplate these things. So I get where you're coming from, and hope you feel better as you get used to how things will change.

It's not our job to raise children. It's our responsibility to raise adults. You have successfully raised one! Be sure he has the skills he needs to function well in a household, as a partner and maybe a parent himself. Enjoy this stage with him as you did the earlier stages and enjoy the time you have before he launches into the real world. You didn't lose anything! He is your achievement. And we don't really lose them. My son is 37 and a thousand miles away, but calls almost daily. No matter how old, they will want their mothers, calling to ask for a recipe, or a photo or just to chat.

I've always been quite blasé about mine growing up. I'm very hands off and do not miss the young years.

But ds had his yr11 leaving and prom this week and it's been more emotional that I thought. But it's like, 17 years ago when I was pregnant and wondering who I was going to get, has come to this point- where i can see the man he could be. He's communicating with us in a way he hasn't for years. He's got his own identity.

I was very tearful when my youngest turned 18. A few weeks later and I'm fine again.

Despite what everyone here says, it's not uncommon. Of course we don't want any alternatives but its a big milestone and we're allowed to feel a bit emotional over it.

Thank you all, I needed the honesty.

Yes I am perimenopausal, and yes I did "find" myself in being a mother and these things are probably not helping. I am keeping these emotions well away from him.

As I said, I know its entirely self-indulgent. Rest assured I am going to give my head a very solid wobble.

Ah Op I think you've been given a bit of a roasting here (but a gentle one , mostly :D )
Changing hormones can make you perfectly sensible one moment and crying over a tv ad the next so having your baby reach adulthood is a perfectly good reason for a wobble.
But you;ve had your wobble so time to get over it !
FWIW I have four adult children, and I don't miss them as children, because my relationship with them as adults is awesome... and I'm always amazed at the competent humans they are! Adult kids are great!

You need to stop this. You have a healthy child. Many don’t

My god some of these messages are harsh! ‘not everyone sees their child grow up!’ etc is such a shitty unempathetic response- it’s not like the op was locking her son in the basement dressed in a baby romper to keep him chained to her! And you could apply that kind of response to literally any situation on mumsnet. ‘I’m worried about my weight!’ - be grateful you have food to eat! Starving people would be grateful for it. ‘My neighbours keep me awake shouting and swearing!’ - what? You have a roof over your head and should be grateful you have neighbours to complain about! ‘I’m being harassed at work and my boss is stroking my legs!’ - be grateful that you have a job and legs!

It’s not a black and white situation where you can live in permanent gratitude that your kids are becoming adults… obviously the alternative is unthinkable, but our emotions don’t work that way.

Op - You’re allowed to feel any way you like about life events and it’s natural to sometimes have a bittersweet moment. It’s also likely to be an adrenaline crash after such a big event, so you’re tired out too. Be kind to yourself.

Mine is almost 18 and I'm delighted. I'm so proud of myself for getting him to adulthood in one piece, I see him maturing and becoming an adult and it's wonderful. Our relationships with everyone change over time, especially with our children, because they are always changing! It's part of life. I could not be happier to be mid 40s with an almost adult child. I feel liberated and free!

Op. I was really sad and upset when my 24 year old son left home recently to live with his girlfriend. I was happy for him, but so sad he was leaving home. I know it’s not healthy of me, but I’m doing my best to cheer up. Let’s not feel ashamed of our emotions. I see you!

Oh give yourself a break!
Take a day to feel a bit wistful and then it'll pass.
It's the end of an era!

I just enjoyed the parties when my children hit 18 😉Fun and a celebration.

I think I'll be teary when I drop them to uni or they get their own place and move everything out of our house. But 18th for DS was fine. Nothing changed. He was in the middle of A levels. I was a bit wistful at his leaving assembly as it was the end of an era. But 18 was just a party in the midst of everything else being very normal.

I don’t think you should dismiss yourself like this. It sounds like there’s something else going on - either depression or maybe peri menopause? Whatever it is, you’re feeling it and it’s valid.

There we go, the GP again. LOL
Your identity had been ingrown with your son's life and being....not a nice situation for him to be in, especially for his future wife