My niece and nephew are brats and I don't know how to feel

[Laibey]

They are teenagers now but they have always been unfriendly and very spoilt, right from when they were kids. Their parents are separated and I think that has made them even more spoilt. Both sets of grandparents shower them with gifts, let them get away with anything and compete for their approval. Anyway these kids have never said thank you (to me) for birthday and Xmas presents, they never greet me but purposefully turn their backs and walk out of the room if I come to visit, that sort of thing. I know in some respects they are typical teenagers but I still feel very hurt by their behaviour and now I've just given up. I feel a bit sad that I can't have a relationship with them (I have no children of my own) and I feel like it's my fault, like I should have tried harder to make them like me, but I also feel a bit confused / resentful because I don't think it's right for adults to pander to spoilt children to try to win their affection. I know raising children is very difficult but I also feel like my brother and his ex wife could have done a bit more to try to teach them some manners (these kids never get told off or reprimanded, they basically do whatever they like). Am I unreasonable for feeling this way?

This! Children can sense when people don’t like them. My MIL was very rude to mine from a young age whereas as my mum wasn’t. Guess who mine see at their older ages?!

What is a normal amount? For someone to say they don’t like them from a young age says it all tbh. I bet the OP was doing what they thought they should do and no more than that. I bet she never took them for a day out or had them them weekends and spent any quality time together. My mum had my children for sleep overs etc. Whilst my MIL did the bare minimum and rarely saw my children, on the odd time she saw them when they were small she would hand over a gift and bark at them say thank you then! They were both quite shy and needed warmth to bring them out of their reserved behaviour. She just made bad assumptions about them and they felt it. They are older now haven’t seen her for years.

Would you like to be friends with someone who thinks you are a brat?

Wow, quite a lot of misunderstandings here, I don't know why people are saying I haven't liked them since they were little. I never disliked them and I don't dislike them now. I actually think they are fun, they are funny, and overall they are good kids. Yes they are brats and I mean that they are spoilt brats but that doesn't mean I don't feel affection for them. I feel hurt because they dislike me, that's something quite different. I was always trying to be friendly to them, trying to be fun, and believe me when you get rejected time and time again for not being rich enough or cool enough, it does begin to get you down. I've never been unkind or abrupt to them, ever. Please don't make assumptions about me.

I agree. My youngest is 19 and neither of my dc would have done that.

Feel as I do, OP, that you are glad that they are out of your lives. They might be the 8th and 9th wonders of the world to their grandparents but that is because of their wilful blindness. Honestly, do it, it's freeing!

OK, without us seeing the dynamics between you we only have what you say to go on, I’d be interested to hear the other side and what the kids say about their experience of you. You can either stick with it and try not to see it as personal, you can go see them and make more effort to connect, though it sounds like you still don’t know how to do that. Maybe offer to take them bowling / movie with them alone, have some fun with them and a burger after. Or you are so hurt (all about you IMO) you write off your own family. With kids it’s not really about you, their brains aren’t fully developed till 25 and they are self-centred, their parents split up, they’ll have been having a difficult time I imagine. I personally wouldn’t write them off, especially if you get on with your sister/brother. Keep it a bit more neutral with them just say hi, have a small bit of conversation with them if you can be warm, smile. Teens can be difficult to connect with. Don’t make it into a big deal, most important be yourself.

Rubbish lax parenting. Leave your estate to charity.

No you are not being unreasonable, Dd is grown now but she has never ever behaved like this with any visitors, it's not how she was brought up and I would never allow it, it's not typical teen behaviour, it's rudeness

It sounds like you have some strong opinions about them and their parents and you have never pursued a close relationship with them when they were younger. They probably don’t like you very much. You have two choices, continue as you are and accept the relationship for what it is or work on your relationship, try to find a bond and build a rapport over it.
As the saying goes there’s no better parent than a non parent.