Should I be worried about it? Teen girl outing

[Teenagerparenting]

DD15 dressed up, put makeup on and said if she could go and meet her friend (girl) at the local park around 5pm. I thought it was a bit strange as her friend lives a bit far and it was a bit last minute but I let her go.

She was in the park for about 30min and we tracked her location. She is normally a sensible teen and listen. but I don’t think she always tells me everything and as all teens can do silly stuff. She is not parting, drinking, smoking.

When she came back I asked her how was the outing and she said she got the time wrong, didn’t meet her friend; I asked her if she was there alone all the time and she said yes.

The whole story just doesn’t add up to me; but I am not sure what I can do.

What are your thoughts? Am I been paranoid? We have had conversations about safety, meeting strangers, etc.

Thank you all. She didn’t spend that much time out. It seems she was definitely with her friend who was staying at a relative near by.

Anxiety gets the worse of me sometimes.Feel awful for not trusting her. As you all said, she is only 15, finding her feet. I just need to be there to listen and guide her when needed.

I had a chat with her re relationship and told her I would rather she wait until finishing year 11 as it is an important year; but If she does meet someone I would rather she tells me and that I won’t judge. She said there is nobody.

It is a tricky age and the changes from year 10 where very sudden so it took me unprepared. One day they are mainly with you or at friends you know and the next they are out and about exploring the world, relationships, etc.

At that age I’d say meeting up for a snog but that’s perfectly normal teenage behaviour.

If this comes up again, a better tack is to talk about the bonds of friendship. That you know there’s girls, who get tied down to boys at her age, that right now it’s really important to create great and strong bonds with friends. It’s friends, who will be there for her and who have her back. That she should be out there having fun, rather than being serious with any both. There’s plenty of time for all of that in the future.

Find out who shes meeting. Sorry but its not safe. If he looks her age then no probs but girls seem strangely oblivious to dangernow. I was born in a much safer age but we had street smarts and stranger danger. The teenagers I meet now seem a bit pathetic tbh.

Why do you find teenagers today pathetic @Nettie1964 ?

OP, are you dad, or mum?

It's all well and good for dc to talk openly with parents but the expectation of them to tell parents everything is bizarre and controlling. Honesty is all well and good but not telling your parents everything about boyfriends, crushes, snogging, sex is all part of growing up and I am a little cringed out by parents who involve themselves in this. Let them breathe and move and act freely, stop tracking a 15 year old, like why? Do you track your spouse?

Surely your dd already knows about contraception and of course having chats or giving books on the topic can be helpful. The best thing you can do for your child is to allow and encourage their own agency.

I can't believe that in this day and age parents are still fretting about a teenager wanting a boyfriend or using make up.

Do continue talking with her about her online life, what apps is she using, not to meet with strangers, which you have done.

I guess I would be less worried if she tells me the true so she can start taking precautions.
She hasn't even got a boyfriend and you are jumping to conclusions.
This is all a bit much from you.

And please try to not obsess about potential lying, try and understand her, why would she lie? Embarrassment? If you are a paranoid parent as you say, she will have long cottoned on and this might be a reason she doesn't tell you stuff. And why compare dd2 to dd1 and yourself? We are all different. She may well feel misunderstood. At the end of the day teens don't have to tell us everything.

You sound so naive and controlling. Just because you have anxiety over her, you shouldn’t be passing that on.

She isn’t going to tell you anything because she knows she can’t be honest. I never asked my mum when I could “have” a boyfriend, how ridiculous. I had “boyfriends” from junior school. It didn’t mean anything, it was just a thing. I wasn’t kissing or hugging them. We may have occasionally held hands.

We knew that we could talk to our mum. She wouldn’t be angry or judgemental. She was just there.

Why did you automatically assume she was lying? You say she’s normally sensible, you later admit she really was meeting her friend. But you assumed she was lying as you commented you just wanted her to tell you the truth. It doesn’t sound like she has given you any reason to not trust her.

At 15, why is she asking you for permission to go out around 5pm? I don’t expect my 14 year old to ask - I just want the kids to let me know if they’re going out, roughly where they’re off to and an idea of when they’ll be back. Because I trust them. Obviously on a school night it would be different if they were leaving around 7pm, I’d point out that they don’t have long - but mainly as we have dinner 7:30/8pm! Also, why are you tracking her? It’s fine to have that for if she goes missing/is late home/loses her phone - but you shouldn’t be using it just to check up on her and see where she is. I can’t believe you sat and watched it to establish how long she was in the park for.

It seems to be the getting dressed up and make up that made you suspicious. Maybe she’s interested in her friend? Maybe she wanted to show her friend a new outfit or a different make up technique? Maybe and just wanted to look nice. She shouldn’t need to ask when she is “allowed” to have a boyfriend - that suggests you’ve previously told her she isn’t allowed to. It’s a normal part of growing up and the teenage years. She will choose to hide things from you if you continue to be so controlling.

Loosen the apron strings. Trust your daughter. Give her the opportunity to grow up with you there as a safety net only. Don’t let your anxiety ruin your relationship with her. If it’s that bad, you need to seek help for it.

Perfecrly typical behaviour to want to want to dress nice and wear makeup at 15.
To go out and meet up with friends...why not perfectly healthy and I encpurahe friendships, time alone and going out rather than them sitting on a phone at home alone
She asks if she is allowed a bf...of course she is free to have a bf and let her breath abit.
Being home at a tme you ask and going easy on her as she navigates soical life and experiences.

Totally agree. From my own experience, the more DD senses she has agency, the more she opens up.

Do kids still snog?