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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

AIBU to think my son should forgive my youth.

275 replies

AmberBear22 · 28/04/2026 07:27

Firstly I am not here to say I’m the world best mum, I know I’ve made a lot of mistakes but feel that I’ve lost everything.

I have 4 children aged 15, 7, 4 and 2. I had my DS aged 15 when I was 16 way too young. I struggled a lot with raising him, me and his dad stayed together till he was 1 but couldn’t work out. Dad was 18 and I was 17 when we broke up, working full time and always out of the house whilst I was a SAHM.

I had a string of BF as you do when young. I also experimented with drugs, smoked and drank. Unfortunately when my DS was 5 I met a man who physically abused him and my next 2 BFs did the same. I’ll be honest I did also hit him throughout his life until I got pregnant with his brother and realised I needed to grow up. We didn’t have a lot of money and mainly relied on benefits and what his dad gave us. I had a lot of angry BFs so we moved a lot.

Doesn't paint a great picture but I’ve changed. I’m now 31 and an adult.

I still vape and occasionally smoke weed but not like when he was young.

5 years ago he made the decision to live with his dad and stepmum full time and I haven’t seen him in 2 and a half years. He recently posted a video on TikTok which I was shown from his 15th birthday. It was saying how much he loves his mum and dad and I feel like she’s trying to replace me.

I sent him a message saying I’m his mum not her and he needs to forgive me and come home. He ignored me.

I feel he is been pathetic and needs to realise I was a child and I’ve matured. What can I do to get my son back?

OP posts:
Overthebow · 28/04/2026 10:36

You weren’t a child though when you allowed not 1 but 3 men to abuse him. You were 20 when you met that first man, an adult, and there are lots of 20 year old brilliant mums. There’s no excuse for this im not surprised he now lives with his dad.

mummytrex · 28/04/2026 10:36

Yabu.

By your own admission he was abused. You failed to protect your child and instead allowed multiple men to abuse him whilst doing the same. You didn’t have a lot of money but managed to put some aside for drugs and alcohol. Your primary role was to protect and nurture him and by your own admission you failed.

now you’ve decided you’ve changed, he is meant to be bounding back to you,l and because he hasn’t you call him pathetic?

your attitude is frankly disgusting. your son was and still is a child, yet you seem to expect him to have the reasoning of an adult. You don’t seem to really grasp the gravity of your behaviour and poor treatment he has received. In his shoes I’d be very wary of you.

if you want him back, you need to somehow you’ve genuinely changed. Be consistent. Not abusive (name calling etc).

Dozycuntlaters · 28/04/2026 10:39

This cannot be real, no one can have so little self awareness surely.

But on the offchance it is, OP, you are a disgrace of a mother. Being young is no excuse for abuse, and I am glad your son has cut you out his life. Leave him alone ffs, you are the pathetic one and not him.

BlueShoeGlue · 28/04/2026 10:40

You were a terrible mother and abusive. Leave the poor boy alone and stop being a twat

YeahHellYeah · 28/04/2026 10:40

You’re now 31 and an adult?? You’ve been an adult for the last 13 years.

This is so sad.

pepayfelix · 28/04/2026 10:41

This must be a wind up.

HotGazpacho · 28/04/2026 10:42

Imagine calling the son that you allowed to be abused (by THREE separate partners) pathetic. That’s quite a take, OP.

lunar1 · 28/04/2026 10:44

Family isn’t always the one you are born to, let him love his mum without guilt. Be consistent, it will take the rest of your life proving yourself to him for this to be in any way healed for him, and probably not even then.

AlwaysLookOnTheBrightSideOfLife · 28/04/2026 10:44

You haven't grown up. Whilst having a DC aged 15 isn't a choice many would make, I know several, including DN. None have been as you describe his life to have been.

DN is so far removed from you that I find it hard to believe the legitimacy of this post.
DN had another DC a couple of years later, which worried her parents, and me if im honest. At 18 she lived in a tiny rented terraced house alone with both girls.

She attended college and found full-time employment straight after. She is now a purchasing director for a nationally renowned clothing brand. She began there as some sort of deputy warehouse manager when she was barely into her twenties and it was a newly established company.

DN's girls were always her priority. Her DDs are now 17 and 15 and girls any parent would be proud of. They are a very close family.

She never put any man first, but married last year. Her DH is a lovely man who patiently waited ten years for DN to be ready to share their home. They were together well over a year before she introduced them. He doesn't have DC. She wanted her DD to very slowly get to know him, and not have him invade the security of their home. It was her DDs who persuaded her to say yes to his proposal.

I have nothing but respect for DN. She never used her age as an excuse. She went on parenting courses and took advantage of the vast array of help she found for young mums in her area.

Your story is one fuck up after another, yet you blame DS and call him pathetic for appreciating the secure home you failed so many times to provide him. I'm astounded at your lack of self-awareness and that you have a two year old.

BellaBlister · 28/04/2026 10:44

I'm so glad your son now has a happy life with his dad and the person he now calls his mum.

MovedlikeHarlowinMonteCarlo · 28/04/2026 10:46

So fake! But to even make it up means you're a shit parent.

Iheartmysmart · 28/04/2026 10:47

Not only did you allow men to abuse your small son, you also joined in. That is utterly despicable behaviour and you deserve to never see him again. Let the poor child enjoy a safe and comfortable life for once with people who actually care about him.

mamamiam · 28/04/2026 10:48

Going by the way this was written and the passive aggressive undertone towards “yourself“ I am guessing you are the step mum?

5to5 · 28/04/2026 10:49

I had my first at 17 and second at 18 and don’t recognise what you are saying. Why did you need to take drugs at all? Also 3 men abusing your child?! That is nothing to do with youth.

McSpoot · 28/04/2026 10:51

martha79 · 28/04/2026 07:31

He's about the age you were when you had him, but he's meant to behave more maturely than you did?

He is behaving more maturely than she is now.

OneNewEagle · 28/04/2026 10:52

YABVU

just wow.

it was your job to protect him you are the parent. I had my DC as a teenager too so don’t use that as an excuse. I’ve had many young friends like you, the baby comes first not men, smoking, drugs and drink. Apart from a despicable ex who I had to go to court to remove from our lives , supervised access at contact centre before that until he attacked me outside, my DC was with me always 100% came first.

I’d not forgive you if you were my parent.

sorry if that sounds harsh.

KaleidoscopeSmile · 28/04/2026 10:54

I think that this can't possibly be true. Only a raging psychopath would write that post with its excuses then finish it off the way she did.

PizzaPowder · 28/04/2026 10:55

You should be happy that your son finally has a stable home, free from abuse.

Dollymylove · 28/04/2026 10:55

Firstly stay away from abusive men.
Stay off the weed.
It sounds like being with his Dad and step mum is helping him to heal from the abuse he suffered when he was with you.
Leave him alone, if he wants to forgive you at some time in the future, he will

Andepeda · 28/04/2026 10:56

There's a plague of these ridiculous posts at the moment, and whoever's writing them hasn't got the brains to make them remotely believable.

JustAnotherWhinger · 28/04/2026 10:56

You haven’t matured. If you had you wouldn’t be calling him names and you would be apologising for the horrendous start in life you gave him.

The best thing you can do for him is leave him the fuck alone until you grow up and realise the extent of your actions and the impact on him.

99bottlesofkombucha · 28/04/2026 10:57

Have you tried saying ‘I understand you resent the abuse you received while living with me, and so young. I regret it all so much, I love you very much, and I’m really happy to know you feel safe. I hope I can keep checking in on how you are, I really want to be a better mum to you, the mum you deserved all along?’

DisforDarkChocolate · 28/04/2026 10:57

I'd find that very hard to forgive, as a child it's probably impossible. The poor lad had a dreadful start to his life and you have no insight into how this will have harmed him.

LoveItaly · 28/04/2026 10:57

Your poor son. If this is in fact real, the best thing you can do for him is to stay away from him. You have done nothing to protect and nurture him, and the damage he must have suffered from being raised by you and your countless thuggish boyfriends will have a lasting impact.

From what you have said, it doesn’t sound like you have grown up much either, contrary to your own opinion. You are full of self pity and excuses, and have such a lack of awareness you have the gall to describe HIM as pathetic.

purpleygrey · 28/04/2026 10:58

Leave the kid alone and let him be happy.

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